Please remember that your father is not stupid. Every year you buy him a necktie or a hardcover or a worthless trinket for Father's Day—as if he won't notice you bought it at the last second out of desperation. We've got you covered with easy-to-buy gifts that count for more than just the thought.
Your dad knows what he likes. He doesn't need you to fill his house with more crap he doesn't want in the name of some silly holiday that his wife makes him celebrate. Luckily for you, the most useful things in life are usually easy to procure. They're also the types of things he needs and always forgets to actually buy. But if you don't forget to order them, by roughly 5PM EST, you can them shipped on Saturday for just nine bucks.
Being stranded with a dead phone is the worst. You can help your dad avoid this problem with a portable USB juice pack. Plus, these days everyone's likely to have at least two or three gadgets that charge via USB so it'll go even further. The emergency batteries come in many shapes and sizes, but the Duracell Instant Charger is a cheap, tiny option available on Amazon Prime. $25
In the kitchen, there's no substitute for a good, sharp knife. But there you-call-that-a-knife knives, and then there is indestructible, high-carbon German steel, like the Wüsthof Classic six-inch Cook's Knife is available on Amazon Prime. $90
If your dad doesn't own a headlamp (WHAT!?) you will change his life by getting him one. So many new illuminated places. In the event that he already has one, here's a fun fact: You cannot own too many headlamps. Does he have one in his glovebox? In the bathroom? The shed? Headlamps should be mandatory in every room of the house. This inexpensive Black Diamond lamp is available on Amazon Prime. $20
Admittedly, handing your dad a gadget cleaning product is going to be weird. Trust us. When he gets home, he'll actually get around to spraying down his filthy computer screen. It's an incredible feeling—a moment of clarity. The iKlear Complete Cleaning Kit is available for Saturday delivery. $10
Amazon Prime is an awesome deal—and not just because it can help you get your gifts on a Saturday for cheap. Free two-day shipping? YES PLEASE. But sometimes people just can't be convinced of the value of something until they've got it. Do your pops a favor and sign him up for a year's subscription. $80/year
The trunk of every car should have a folding crate right next to the jumper cables. It takes up almost no space, and it's immensely useful when you least expect it. As with the screen cleaner, your dad might look at you skeptically. Tell him to throw the crate in his car for a few months. We promise he won't be disappointed. $20
Leatherman still makes the best multi-tools, and the Sidekick is one of the best they've come up with. The tools are spare—a knife, pliers, file, a few other bits, blades and a bottle opener—but they're positioned beautifully. The knife opens without splaying the pliers. When those precisely machined pliers are needed to grip and twist a tiny part, their jaws spring open on their own, so dad doesn't have to use his ring finger to kick the handles apart between squeezes. This fab pocket tool is available on Amazon Prime. $30
A delicious deli sandwich and an 15-pack of paper towels
Your dad's just the best. You should treat him to a towering sandwich. He probably doesn't spoil himself enough anyway. But he's a messy guy. Get him some paper towels. Like, more than a dozen rolls of 'em. When he asks why you got so many, just say, well, dad, you should really go get delicious deli sandwiches more often. He deserves it. He raised you right. Amazon Prime has you covered. ~$40