The iPhone 5 May Be the Best Phone In the Universe but Its Calendar Icon Still Sucks

Come on, Apple. I don't care about your iPhone 5 camera's purple flare problem. If Prince can live with it, so can I. And I don't give a damn about its paint chipping off either. Or your dreadful maps, for that matter. Getting lost is fun. I can live with all the crap you can throw at me except this. fucking. shit.*

Instead of being optically centered, the 1 in the Calendar icon is still geometrically centered. It just looks wrong. It looks amateurish. Where did all that legendary Apple love for typography and attention to detail go? Inside Scott Forstall's leather underpants, that's where. It's in there, stuck to his pubic hair, smelling of sweaty cowboy balls.

But I digress. The fact is that I just can't fathom why Apple hasn't fixed the stupid centering yet.

After all, they fixed the horrible weekday name placement in the app itself after we whined about it for months. So why not this one? Christ, it's probably just one line of code. You know, like: # import <objc/TypographyThatDoesNotSuck.h>

Even the OS X team got this right. Please examine the number 1 placement in the Calendar app's dock icon. It's optically centered and it looks great:

The iPhone 5 May Be the Best Phone In the Universe but Its Calendar Icon Still Sucks

But no, in iOS 6 it's still screwed. Why? Because somebody doesn't give a damn. "Thank you for whining, stupid!" is what Phil Schiller is laughing right now. My aneurysm is going to explode. Looking at the calendar icon in this pixel-perfect, beautiful Retina screen is like having a white hot scalpel pinching through my eye until it reaches the back of my skull.

Would Apple ever fix this? Would they issue an iPhone recall? Would they fix this in the even more magical and awesomerer iPhone 6? Would Apple support send emails saying that we are looking at the screen in the wrong way? Would Tim Cook argue that all phones have the 1 incorrectly centered? Perhaps apologize? Would Apple give us transparent vinyl overlays with a correctly aligned 1 to place over the iPhone every first day of the month? Would Apple's unofficial spokespeople say that Android's number 1 sucks so much that it actually looks like the letter F? F for fuck you?

Seriously, I'm not even bloody joking here. It's not the camera, the paint or the maps. This 1 center alignment issue will kill this phone forever. For. EVER.


* Well, this and Find My Friends' leather stitching.