Facebook just hit 1,000,000,000 users. That's a lot of people tagging and poking and posting GIFs of puppies kissing geese. So, to celebrate, Facebook released the dumbest video we've seen in a while.

Facebook (and The Zuck) prides itself on how much it connects us. So of course the spot shows lots of people connecting each other, like cool young people tend to: breakdancing, participating in some sort of Eastern European coup d'etat, sitting in a chair in a small African village—that sort of thing. Then the ad sort of compares Facebook to the entire universe? It's unclear. But chairs! Chairs are central to the ad. Chairs are clear. Zuck explains it, sitting atop a pile of IPO cash and fried fowl:

Chairs, doorbells, airplanes, bridges, games. These are all things that connect us.

And now Facebook is a part of this tradition of things that connect us too.

Facebook is like a chair, the ad says. Because it connects you. It connects your ass to a piece of wood? Or you sit at it for hours on end every day, vacantly? Facebook is like a stool. Facebook is literally a couch you bought on Craigslist. How are you going to fit it in your living room? This Facebook is way too big—Damnit, why didn't you measure it before you bought it? And you paid with cash? We were going to use that cash for our trip to Panama City, and now you went and spent it on a Facebook.

Facebook is a chair, loved by one billion people, and this ad is confusing and stupid, like a chair made out of spiders and chicken tenders. [Facebook]