Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

When you head to the polls this November you're supposed to vote for who you think will best lead the country for the next four years. But that's not really what happens. Deep down everyone who steps into that voting booth knows that they could do a far better job as President of the United States of America.

So instead of choosing someone else to run your country, here's everything you'll need to jumpstart your own presidential campaign. You'll just want to get on this as soon as possible since the other guys already have a pretty good head start.


Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

Custom Bobblehead Figure

Any politician will tell you that the quickest way to be recognized by the people is to have yourself immortalized as a bobblehead figurine. It worked for that guy on The Office and it can work for you. All you need is a decent photo and a dashboard to bring the figure to life. $127

Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

PRO-M10FX Dual Mode Wideband RF & GSM/3G Bug Detector

Once you toss your hat into the election ring your life will become an open book to the country. But you can still maintain a little bit of privacy with this handheld bug sweeper that ensures no one is secretly listening or watching your every move. Just remember that it doesn't work on people. $1,100

Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

Newell Business Class VIP Motorcoach

A private jet is more luxurious, but the voters will only think you're one of the people if you criss-cross the country in a ridiculously decked out million dollar RV. It doesn't make any sense, but who are you to argue when you can get votes and travel in style? $1,743,140

Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

iPad Lite Teleprompter Package

Even if you have no idea what your platform or the issues of the day are, you can sound like an expert politician as long as you only speak in front of a teleprompter. This portable kit actually uses your iPad to guarantee that what comes out of your mouth was pre-written, proofed, and perfected days in advance. $799

Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

Shoulder Mounted High Power Megaphone

But don't forget, sometimes you don't need to sound intelligent if you're just plain loud. It's worked for Rush Limbaugh, and with this 45 watt megaphone bazooka you're guaranteed to completely drown out your opposition at any debate. No matter how ridiculous your rebuttal may be. $250

Everything You Need To Jumpstart Your Own Presidential Campaign

Hypno Goggles

And if all else fails, just flip to the back of an old copy of Popular Science and order yourself a pair of hypnotizing goggles. Remember, sub-conscious votes count just as much as conscious ones do, and it means your campaign platform won't actually have to make any sense. You probably won't even have to wear pants during it all. $13

Image by Rick Bowmer/Associated Press