So you've found your way to Gizmodo on Jesus' birthday. Welcome, we understand that the holiday spirit fades fast when every possible destination is closed and the television channels are filled with crap. CHRISTMAS WHY ARE YOU SO BORING? Don't worry, there is consumer spending joy yet to be had—even on this, the most sacred of paid days off.
Have a drink
Unless you live in some puritanical corner of the country, you're going to be able to purchase alcohol today. And on today of all days, there's no reason not to drink. It's a celebration!
Get gasoline and go for a drive
The roads will be empty today. Fill up your tank and just go for a ride. Bad for the environment, good for avoiding your family.
Image via ilker canikligil/shutterstock.com
You would build a fire in the fireplace but ugh work. So just scoop up a chemical drenched, quick-lighting Duraflame log that'll burn for three hours just on its own. Spark it up, stare into the flames, and deeply ponder what you're going to do for next the two hours and 52 minutes.
Take a bubble bath
When is the last time you took a bath? You don't even remember do you? Go to the drug store and get yourself some cheap bubble bath (and some Tilex), and draw up a nice foamy pool and hop in (after cleaning the tub). I have no idea if this is an enjoyable activity, but I intend to find out on Christmas. Warning: Gadgets should not be taken into the tub.
Consume as many pay-per-view movies as possible
The thing about free cable on-demand movies and the "millions" of things to watch on Netflix, is that they never have the new movies that you actually want to watch. Make a list of movies you'd watch if it were aup to you, and not who you happen to have a contract with at the time. Then, use whatever combination of pay-per-view-online-intant-rental services to get everything you want. Bonus points for extra wastefulness, and time spent filling out registration forms.
Purchase and master a mobile game
If you're a gamer, this won't be special for you. Proceed to your console and get your Halo on. But if you're not, burning a day learning how to play, mastering, and completing an entire simple puzzler is very satisfying. Just make sure you don't get addicted and accidentally play through new years.
Play the lottery
As far as we can tell, if the lottery is legal in your state, all you need to do to play is find a retailer willing to sell to you a ticket. America the beautiful where you can gamble on Christmas. Try to play a daily jackpot game you've never tried, but if that's not possible, a scratcher from an unattended vending machine in a weird part of town works just fine, too.. Purchase, enjoy the rush of believing you might actually win money, feel the disappointment when it wasn't even close, go home.
Image via Terry Ross/ Flickr
Buy a sIngle serving bargain DVD
You know at the drug store when you see the giant overflowing bins of bad movies that are actually kind good because they have big-name actors, doing a very bad job of acting? The impulse-buy temptation can be crippling, amirite? But no matter how much you want to watch Steven Segal kick somebody's ass in Fire Down Below, it feels weird to buy movies at the drug store. Today's the day you live on the edge and pick out a $5 standard-definition movie. NO HD. After watching, throw it in a drawer and then forget it about it forever.
Eat a darn happy meal
The fact that McDonald's is going to be open is terrible news for its burger-slingers but wonderful news for you. You're going to need something to tide you over until Christmas dinner; it might as well come with a toy. Besides, what else are you going to do, make your own sandwich? On a holiday?