Dubious Sith Rumor: J.J. Abrams Will Direct Next Star Wars

Even though God in Heaven has prohibited man from directing both Star Trek and Star Wars at the same time—lest he be sent into a pit of tar and screaming—we've got (anonymous) two reports saying J.J. Abrams will make Star Wars VII. Seriously.

This doesn't make sense! And yet The Wrap and Deadline both say it's happening. We're skeptical. Abrams has explicitly denied that he's directing the impending Disney super sequels. He's also committed to the Star Trek franchise with rival studio Paramount. That said, Abrams is a geek god, having created the incoherent dream-jerkoff Lost, and the fan-beloved Star Trek reboot. But Super 8 was horrible. Is this good news? Can we really call something so far out news? No. The force is not strong with this rumor, wink. And come on, Disney, just do the obvious thing and hand Episode VII to Christopher Nolan, or else the sequels will end with the realization that the rebellion was just a dream and Luke Skywalker was in purgatory the entire time. [The Wrap & Deadline]