Today Samsung hosted an event at the American Museum of Finance. It announced pricing on some stuff they'd already announced and blah blah blah showed off smart TVs we saw two months ago at CES. But more importantly they had some special guests: Supermodel/professional breast-haver Kate Upton, brother of Peyton Manning Eli Manning, and Flo Rida (pronounced: /floʊ ˈraɪdə/), the only rapper named after a state.
Because that's what you do when you host an event where there is nothing to say. You distract. Oh hey don't look at these big old TVs, don't worry that this 85-inch UHD set that you will not under any circumstances buy costs $40,000, and forget that you already sort of knew all of this.
LOOK AT OUR CELEBRITY GUESTS. LOOK AT THEM.
One imagines the planning went something along the lines of:
Ok, so we're going to have an event for a thing that no one can afford at the Museum of American Finance, right in the heart of Americana, Wall Street USA. And we're going to get at two-time Super Bowl winner, a woman from Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition, and the brother-in-law of a former 2 Live Crew hype man, and we're going to put them in a fake living room that spins and has shag carpet. Also, it might be nice to have sliders because people love miniature food these days. Oh and by the way, try to get Kate Upton her lines early because otherwise, whooo boy she will flub most of them.
So yes, to recap, we learned nothing new at today. Except that Flo Rida has great taste in eccentric animal print shoes and spinning living rooms make great GIFs.