Tossing and turning at night because your one-armed, lumpy-felt-breasted girlfriend left town? Or just feeling extra creepy? Never fear, sad lonely person: the Deluxe Comfort Girlfriend Body Pillow is here. And it is just awful.

There's not much more to say, really, other than that if this is the Deluxe version I'd hate to see what standard gets you. Available now at Sears (!) for just ten bucks, plus all kinds of awkward explanations should a real human girl ever stop by. [Sears, thanks Cosmo!]