Father John Misty right in the middle of singing about Oculus Rift for some fucking reason (Screenshot from YouTube)

I woke up to learn that Father John Misty was on Saturday Night Live last night. “Oh neat,” I thought to myself. I haven’t followed his career very closely, but I was a big fan of his 2015 record “I Love You Honeybear.” So I headed over to YouTube and fired up the first song he played last night, “Total Entertainment Forever.” I lasted roughly 8 seconds into the song before I closed the tab.

Why did I give up on a song so quickly? Why didn’t I bother listening to the following 3 minutes or so of what was probably perfectly fine music? Because an early line in this new Father John Misty song includes the words “Oculus Rift.” Specifically, having virtual sex with Taylor Swift while wearing one. I closed that tab so fast, I didn’t even fully process what I was doing.

I honestly don’t know why I had such a primal aversion to hearing Father John Misty sing words about a fucking virtual reality platform. But I sure did.

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“Bedding Taylor Swift, every night inside the Oculus Rift...” he sang. I have no idea what he said after that.

Father John Misty should be singing about one night stands, crippling depression, and drunk driving. Shit, he can even do Arcade Fire covers about suburban angst if he’s so inclined. But Oculus Rift is a bridge too far.

You know when you go to drink from what you think is a glass of water and it’s orange juice or something? Yeah, that’s what it felt like. There’s nothing wrong with water and there’s nothing wrong with orange juice, but the OJ tastes really gross because it wasn’t what you were expecting. That was Father John Misty uttering the phrase “Oculus Rift.”

Maybe I’m just too hungover for anything too jarring right now. But fuck. Father John Misty should not be saying the phrase Oculus Rift. I swear to God, I closed the tab so quickly that I have no idea what the rest of the song is about. You can watch the performance here if you’re curious, but don’t even bother telling me. I don’t have the strength to hear any sort of rationalization for it right now.

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You know what else it feels like? It feels like Kurt Cobain singing about the Virtual Boy or something. And yes, I know that Cobain killed himself a year before the Virtual Boy came out (SHUT UP NERDS) but it’s the best I can do right now.

In other news, Oculus announced this week that it’s slashing prices on the Rift and Touch controllers because nobody’s fucking buying them. Kind of like the Virtual Boy. Man, I wanted a Virtual Boy so bad though.

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You know who’s allowed to sing about technology? Lorde. She can sing about tech any day of the week. Stick to regret and sadness and our shit-filled world, Father John, if that’s even your real name! (It’s not.)

Feel free to tell me how wrong I am in the comments, as always. Nerds.