Peter Houghton takes his metaphors a bit too seriously. The first lifetime recipient of a Jarvik 2000 ventricular assist device (i.e. an artificial heart) is grateful for the fact that he's, you know, alive, but thinks he's lost his emotions since getting the fake ticker. Dude, your emotions come from your brain, not from your heart, despite what all that poetry you've been reading says. One theory about his newfound lack of feelings is that his brain isn't meant to be getting a steady stream of blood, which the Jarvik 2000 gives him, and is instead optimized for short bursts of it, like a real heart provides.

The fake heart, which "sounds like a washing machine," is powered by an external battery pack that Houghton has to carry around with him and is wired in through his skull. Once, a dude thought it was a camera bag and tried to steal it. He probably just shrugged his shoulders. He says of his grandkids: "[They're] gorgeous little boys, but when you come down to it, they're not going to remember you very much. So automatically you sort of think, there isn't anything I can do about this. Not going to get too hurt about it. You give them hugs and the usual things. You just don't feel — they're not part of my life, you know what I mean?" Cold-blooded! [Washington Post via Fark]

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