The original concept was already solid. The main body consists of a small trimmer and a shaver, which you can then add one of three plastic guards onto to vary the length of your human forest. The new design keeps the side trimmer and the shaver face intact, but adds a new dedicated trimmer head, plus two attachments with five lengths each.

Shaving with the main head is essentially unchanged. You can maneuver and 'Tokyo' drift around corners to get in close without doing damage to sensitive areas. If you like looking like a gigantic, ugly baby then that's the tool to use.

If you don't want your logging to go all the way to the stump, there's the new trimmer head. This, my generously follicled friends, is where the action is.

Cutting through swaths of hair like small arms fire through decayed zombie flesh, the trimmer takes at most two passes to undo what 11 years of nature prepared your body for. It's painless, not too noisy and much more sanitary than using the same trimmer you use on your beard.

So the only question you need to ask yourself is whether you want the original, which retails for $30, or the updated version, which hits you for $50. People that are "sometimes" shavers, those that are closer to space aliens than apes on the evolutionary scale, can make do with the $30 BG2020. But those "people" that would cause Alec Baldwin to exclaim, "that's one hairy dude," need to splurge on the upgraded Bodygroom BG2030. Anyone who has to look at you naked will thank you. [Philips BG2030 and Philips BG2020]

Dare I say it, but his moving portrayal of a son dealing with his father's pube-trimming prejudices nearly brought this reviewer to tears. Not only that, his performance as a small hairy French man nicknamed "Little Monkey Boy" was truly heartwarming. If web-based advertising campaigns for male grooming devices were eligible for Oscars, my vote would already be cast. Hit the link to see the videos for yourself. And if you have a tale to tell, you can submit your own manologue. Who knows, your work could become Callen's next masterpiece. [Philips and Bodygroom]

Let's start from the head down. First, the Flowbee. Even if you haven't had the pleasure of having this used upon you—that is the correct description of being Flowbeed—you probably saw this on late-night TV ads. If you're not familiar, the Flowbee is a combination vacuum cleaner and (head) hair trimmer. Both plug into the wall (you can opt to use your own vacuum and save a few bucks on the order) and work together to simultaneously cut and clean up the mess.

It's pretty unwieldy if you're doing trimming yourself, so your best bet is to get someone to help. There are different sized spacer attachments so you can get a variation of lengths, but the shortest you can get is probably a #2 or a #3 (in regular trimmer terms). In the end, the only time you'd really use this is if your kid doesn't care about how he—or help me Jeebus, she—looks or if you're the last man on Earth and there are no barbers, stylists or women of any kind around. But you do save money over the long run.

How well it works (1 to 10): 7

How good you look after it's done: 3

Then there's the Mangroomer. It looks like a cross between a backscratcher, a nunchuck, and an electric shaver. It allows you to reach behind your back (either overhand or sideways) and shave off the hair. In theory, it's great. In practice, you need someone else to help.

The performance of the razor is great. It gets all your hair off in one or two strokes if you swipe cleanly and evenly, which means you'll actually need someone behind you to direct—or even take over. Doing it yourself is alright (and is the point of the gadget), but without straining yourself with two mirrors it's hard to make sure you've gotten your entire back.

As for comfort, well, the blade's not really protected, which meant I had redness and some irritation after I was done, but cleared up after a good night's sleep.

How well it works (1 to 10): 6 (8 with a helper)

How good you look after it's done: 8

Last, and most importantly, the Bodygroom. Philips markets this shaver as a device that gets rid of all hair below the neck. This means your chest, your arms, your pits, your stomach, your legs, your crotch and even your ass crevasse can be hair free. We only tested this on four of those seven places—points if you guess which—and found it to be a great shave.

It's essentially a fancy beard trimmer with a fancy shave guard, which means you can stay far enough away from your goods to keep from injuring yourself and close enough to give you the freshness you're looking for. But like shavers, you'll have some itching afterwards. However, it's the most pain-free way to get hair out of your genital region and into wherever you keep excess hair.

How well it works (1 to 10): 9

How good you look after it's done: 9

The hair all grew back.

The kit comes with three different combs for setting the length of the hair in question. I originally thought it was like a standard hair razor—the comb length would leave your hair at about 1/2" or so. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Each comb sets the length to millimeters, not inches, and I did not want to use the metric system today.

But I did. I gave it the old college try. I'm sitting here now a new man, refreshed, rejuvenated, and with 1 full optical inch. The hype is true. My armpits are one inch deeper thanks to the body groom. But what about my schlingo? That also got a full optical inch. It works, friends. It works.

Because a number of known religious clergy frequent this site, we won't show the junk of which we speak here on the front page—that's for after the jump. Rest assured that the Bodygroom does what it claims to do. I just hope I don't start itching now. – John Biggs

Perv. But I'm honored you cared enough to look.