In case you missed the tabloids this weekend, Britney Spear committed the most pathetic of self mutilation acts, the spontaneous, emotionally-driven head shaving, quickly followed up with a bit of tattoo parlor action. Here's the right combination of gadgetry so you can meltdown just like America's favorite fallen idol.

Wahl "Balder" Ultra-Close Haircut Kit
Wahl's 26 piece hair clipper piece holds the number one spot on Amazon, but this set of trimmers is endowed with an overbite that gets your fades and flat tops so close you can feel the heat of the metal teeth nuzzling into your flesh. The gold trim honors Britney's trailer-lifestyle heritage. Yee Haw!

IdealSalon's All-In-One Tattoo Kit
Includes a Tattoo gun, a rainbow of ink, a foot pedal, 4 stainless steel tips, 5 disposable tips for your skeezy friends, and an aluminum case anodized in black. That's easily enough gear and ink to xerox yourself wrist and hip with the lips, and jesus-cross Britney has.–Brian Lam

Wahl 79111-100 Balder Ultra-Close Haircut Kit [Amazon]
Tattoo Kit [Amazon]

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