Hey, Fatty! Slow down! What's wrong with you! Put down that Mountain Dew. Ok. Take a deep breath. Pick up a bag of Doritos. Take a bite. Chew for thirty seconds. Keep your eye on the Powerseed. Now spit out the pulpy Dorito matter. Now take another bite. Chew for thirty seconds. Repeat. Every five minutes the Powerseed will change to red to remind you to think about what a lardo you are. Want to know why you're not dating anyone? Because the Powerseed thinks you're a disgusting tub of sweat and grease. Use the Powerseed at every meal—or, more correctly, at every porcine face-stuffing frenzy. You'll lose weight in no time! Good luck.

Ultimate Gadget from Hell: The Powerseed Electronic Weight Management Coach [RealTechNews]

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