Gizmodo
I've been debating whether or not to post this thing, but what the hell, you're all grown-ups.
Last time I was in Akihabara, I'd found a 7-story sex store filled with the usual DVDs, mags, fetish gear and cosplay outfits. After floor 2, my eyes just glazed over, senses overloaded. But you don't start hiking up Everest with the intent of half-assing, so I kept on going. On floor 5, I noticed what looked like a bright pink projector in the store window. But instead of a lens, the machine had a faux-flesh orifice with "Heaven" scrawled across the side. And instead of a lightbulb, it seemed to have a motor churning away, tirelessly. Then I noticed lots of disposable looking canisters around with different textured interiors. Aha, a bright pink japanese blowjob machine. Cool.
One geek thought occurred to me after the typical male ones: I bet this could be rigged into an automatic cellphone cleaning mechanism.
Comments
I've never understood this- If this is a japanese product being sold in Japan- Why are the buttons and other parts labeled in english?
Slow & Fast buttons... now you can define the speed of a "quickie" - cute.
Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how this could be rigged into a cellphone cleaning machine. I would think the object would have to at least be cylindrical.
But maybe my cellphone just doesn't get dirty like your's does. Or I am missing something.
homerjay: an even better question would be, "why the hell i there a piture of a dude on it"?!?!?
Note: Not saying there is anything wrong with that...
I cry for happy! Super happy premium time!
seriously though, why the hell can't we buy this stuff online. I mean...geesh... I know we all want to buy a latex sex doll in the form of a 10 year old, but the japanese restrict such things to japan only, no websites, no online ordering. Do I seriously need to pay 8000 dollars to fly down there, get the BJ machine, and claim it as heavy machinery at customs? ^^
I have only one thing to say. What the (explitive deleted)
Uhm, dude, if you have family in japan, they can actually send you things. like my cousin that works @ Tokyo U.
Hay Brian, you finally got a girlfriend. It probably won't sell in the US because they don't make them large enough. It seems to suite Brian though.
What were you doing in a sex toy shop of that size? Do you have everything else already?
@Scrapp
Ouch
@HomerJay - English is just plain cool in Japan (kind of like how you see all kind of asian tattoos on frat dudes who hope they've been correctly informed as to the meaning)...
From Engrish.com
Most of the Engrish found on Engrish.com is not an attempt to communicate - English is used as a design element in Japanese products and advertising to give them a modern look and feel (or just to "look cool"). There is often no attempt to try to get it right, nor do the vast majority of the Japanese population (= consumers) ever attempt to read the English design element in question
so we aren't necessarily all adults here. i've been reading gizmodo since i was 16. and i am sure there are lots of more people who aren't grown-ups on here, just to let you know.
Pink Jampanese 8===D O-: Machine is hilarious.
eSucky Sucky
(Batteries not included)
Having the gallery pictures linked to the Hillary picture gallery is a total turn off.
@Scrapp
That's funny because average penis size is 5.0 inches in US and 5.1 inches in Japan. Gotta love those stereotypical myths. =)
is there room next to the Wii in Lam's pants for this?
Funny, it says "Heaven III" on the side there. I'm guessing that Heaven I and Heaven II horribly dismembered a few too many poor saps before they finally got it right with Heaven III.
Needs more Hello Kitty.
iWad > e Sucky Sucky
@giraffesack
i thought it was chen who stuck shit down his pants... i'd make a joke about asians all looking the same but... oh what the fuck, ASIANS ALL LOOK THE SAME! HA HA!
Gizmodo...I am your Accountant...why aren't you returning my calls?
If you keep running this stuff, you will get another dozen companies dropping sponsorship.
Why didn't you listen to me the last time this happened?
PS...the big check from Apple arrived OK as usual.
They release this a few days before S. Jobs put the iB-Job out.
The Japanese version will still be seen as the clone.
I got this one...
http://daimaoh.kir.jp/ho/menssom.htm
When it comes stateside, that oh-so-famous redmond company will probably rebrand it zune-style as the Microsoft Orifice (theres multiple jokes there! find em all!)
oops! Huge mistake on the Chen/Lam front.
Can I just say that I had assumed Lam ALSO had a Wii in his pants because... well, don't we all?
Uknow, its alot cheaper and better to just get into the driver's seat, hang your legs over the steering wheel, and use the automatic seat controls to "bend yourself" into an appropiate position.
NOT that I have ever attempted it. Just what I heard.
@giraffesack
you could say it, but then you'd out yourself as the asian hating racist that you are ^^
@munch420
do you suppose that theres guys in japan with english tatoos that say something along the lines of "Douchebag" or "Retard"?
hahah, worthy of chens pantS?
btw, im 14.
@rfayed
im calling your parents right now. You are so grounded mister.
@nutbastard
Microsoft Orifice 2003 and earlier don't work on Vista though.. you'd have to upgrade to MS Orifice 2007 for that...
@rfayed
Well, it's about time you learned what the internet is really all about...
@nutbastard - I dunno. If the shirts on Engrish are any indication, I think it would be worse than that...
Like
I'm Black (worn by an asian dude)
Yeasty (girl)
Kiss My Patch (girl)
Or the NSFW
Spread Beaver
Showing the Va___al Area!
They could be even worse if the tattoo artist studied the book entitled "Very F___ing English Lesson"
@Zenn
Sounds like you have a lot of experience and you have your numbers backwards.
@Zenn
you forget that Japan uses the metric system. That's 5.1 cm
;)
Finally, an electronic finger trap, for your penis!
Charles Bronson, Ten Till Midnight [1983], That is all.
I have tried this this product and I have to say. This product sucks, no really. Big time. If you turn it to suck hard it turns your member the same color as the product. Stay away!!!!
Signed
Travis Wilson
SNAP!
@Scrapp
Actually, I just read off what I saw on google result, google it yourself. But you talked like you have personal experience. =)
I was suppose to use a liner?
All right, children, quit your squabbling or I'm stopping the car right now.
Sincerely, YOUR MOM
i'll put out a $500 bounty for a proper field test report on youtube. this is important as it might resolve many problems in our society. take it seriously and fire that "sucker" up for good.
you forgot to mention the name of the store, and how to find it.. may i suggest a google map...
er..
..not that i'm going to buy one..
I wonder if it helps solve constipation if you fasten it to the O-ring?
@munch420
do you suppose that theres guys in japan with english tatoos that say something along the lines of "Douchebag" or "Retard"?
Oh, definitely. There's an Asian guy who has tattooed "Insert General Tso's Chicken Here" (among other less savory expressions) in kanji on Anglo co-eds exposed midriffs. On the other hand, walking down the street in Japan, one is likely to encounter sweat shirts with the likes of "Shit Is My Girlfriend" on them. A line of Japanese clothes or toys for toddlers is "Little Shitty" The logo is a fresh… with eyes. They think it's cute. More fun stuff here: www.engrish.com (yes, it's spelled right).
@nutbastard -When it comes stateside, that oh-so-famous redmond company will probably rebrand it zune-style as the Microsoft Orifice
That would be the first Microsoft product that didn't suck! Probably wouldn't blow either.
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