Hummer Tank: Right In Time for Winter/Economic Crisis

In case gas mileage on your Hummer wasn't spiting Prius drivers everywhere enough, engineers have pooled their talents to add aftermarket tracked belts in place of the "nothing wrong with 'em" wheels. Needless to say, MPG and top speed will be greatly diminished on this H2. But the tears shed in the face of its general lack of humanity should be voluminous enough to wash away the world's pollution one or two times over. [Jalopnik]

Military-Grade Hummer Replacement Has Remote-Controlled Gun Turret

I'm sure military enthusiasts will geek out about this IMI Wildcat — A Hummer-replacing 4x4 MPC vehicle that can hold 12 soldiers, protect against 14.5 mm fire and RPGs, cross 900mm trenches, is C-130 transportable, yada yada yada, whoopdie freakin doo. But what makes this thing truly awesome is that it has a gun turret on top that can be remotely controlled from inside. More »

Hummer HT2 Phone Is Smaller, Brighter, Even More Pointless than the Original

Fifty-thousand people compensating for something bought the Hummer HT1 phone. The new HT2 pulls the same trick as the H2 truck—it shrinks the original and adds a brighter coat of paint, with a fresh splash of asinine. In this case, even more so, because it seems to pack the same ho-hum specs as the HT1. At least the camo paint let you pretend it was invisible—now the sunny brick will make sure everyone knows you're a jackass. [Idnes via Slashphone]

Laptop Fails to Save Life in Hummer Crash, Nobody Is Surprised

Apparently, the news is that while laptops can save you from a bullet and still work, they can't save you from a military-grade absurdly giganormous SUV. Like the notebook found in a computer teacher's Honda following a fatal crash with a Hummer. That too was still working. Unlike the teacher. Incidents like this make us ask questions such as: what is the deadly element here? Humvee Hummer, laptop, moron or Windows Vista? – Jesus Diaz More »

Nokia N76 Run Over By a Hummer Limo: That's One Tough Phone

In this corner, weighing four ounces, the Nokia N76 cellphone. And in this corner, the heavyweight champion of the world, a humongous Hummer limousine, weighing in at umpteen tons. The result? See for yourself. More »

Hummer's Making Cellphones. Yes, That Hummer

Fan of big things rejoice, as Hummer's indicated they're partnering with ModeLabs and jettisoning a Hummer-inspired cellphone onto the world. They say the phone will "integrate the latest technology in their HUMMER licensed products while helping to build the worldwide brand equity, imagery, and More »

A Hummer with a Fireplace: Think It's Too Much?

Because Hummers aren't offensively over-the-top as-is, Germany's GeigerCars decided to trick one out in the spirit of the holiday season. We're not talking just rims and a big subwoofer, either: they put in a goddamned fireplace. In addition to the hearth and chimney, it has a big flat-panel TV, gullwing doors, a snowmobile in tow, and a storage rack designed to hold snowboards, hockey sticks, and… curling stones. Right. More »

Hummer O2: Makes its Own Oxygen, BS

Hummer isn't exactly the first auto company to come to mind when one thinks of environmental friendly vehicles, but it looks like they're trying to change that. This concept vehicle that they showed off at the LA Auto Show is called the Hummer O2, and it actually makes its own oxygen. It's got algae growing in the side panels, using photosynthesis to give you stuff to breathe while you drive. It's like driving in the middle of a swamp! Isn't that cool?! More »

No Hummer Jokes Here, Honest

The Hummer just isn t an obnoxiously big car driven by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, no, it s a highly-capable combat machine when properly outfitted. Since the next generation of Hummers is still being worked on, the US Air Force has commissioned companies in California to outfit consumer-grade Hummers for military exercises. These limo-style Hummers will stand in for the real war machines during tests and exercises. Retrofitted with networking equipment, computers and radios (and air conditioners—it s hot in the desert!), the Hummers don the traditional camouflage paint. Odds are you probably won t be able to buy these babies at your friendly neighborhood Hummer dealership, though. More »

The Week in Cars - The Best of Jalopnik

This week in Jalopnik: A Renault F1 car performs a Queen hit; Israeli scientists theorize an in-car system that produces its own fuel; Honda (and nearly every other car company) looks toward a spark-plugless future for gas engines; Hummer builds a buggy, and the F d ration Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) proposes a new aerodynamic wing for Formula One cars that would make passing easier. More »

Itronix GoBook VR-1 and Hummer Edition

We mentioned the upcoming Hummer-branded laptops by Itronix last week which, like its namesake, is designed to be tough and macho—thus compensating any and all shortcomings its owner may have. Well, now the Hummers have been officially introduced along with the GoBook VR-1, which is more or less the same thing but without the special Hummer branding. More »

Crush the Competition with the Hummer Laptop

Ahnold is going to go apeshit now that General Motors signed a 3-year deal with computer maker Itronix to make a Hummer-branded laptop. These are designed for not only Hummer enthusiasts, but for people who "work outdoors" such as police, firefighters, and construction workers. Durability doesn't come cheap though, at $2,988, the laptops come with enough padding to survive six separate drops from a height of 30 inches onto two 3/4-inch sheets of plywood placed on top of concrete. The specs include a 1.86GHz Intel Centrino Pentium processor, a 12.1-inch color display, 512MB of memory, a DVD/CD-R/W combination drive, 802.11a/g/b wireless connectivity and Microsoft's XP Professional operating system. But that's not all, you also get a bunch of stuff you will probably never use. Check it: More »

Hummer Night Vision Scope

Garages are really scary places. One time I was going out to put up my Dad s hammer so he wouldn t hit me and it was really dark. I figured I could make it to his work bench without a problem, but then a possum came out of nowhere. Four months and one prosthetic leg later, I was mobile again. According to today s Family Feud, the number one item stored in garages is of course the H3 Hummer. Luckily Delft Electronics is putting people first by developing a night vision scope for the H3 Hummer. Keep those garages safe folks! More »