Yeah, mostly everyone I know hates satellite radio. If they don't hate satellite radio, they don't care about it. If they don't care about it, it's because they don't recognize its existence. Which is why The Onion is reporting on the new Sirius lineup, to help fight its negative and/or non-existent image. Here are some new shows and channels Sirius is rolling out to gain new listeners:

•BBC's "Cricket Roundup" with Natasha Kaplinsky
•Channel that plays "I Have A Dream" speech on continuous 24-hour loop
•Guy Reads The Dow Ticker Like Eddie Murphy Channel
•Station dedicated to capturing first words of Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin's granddaughter
•"The Convincing You To Like Zappa Hour"
•Hour-long program titled "Would XM Satellite Radio Play This?"
•"Test Answers To Mr. Taylor's Sixth-Grade Biology Finals"
•Better oldies station

–Brian Lam

New Sirius Radio Programs [The Onion]

Contact information for this author is not available.