Did you ever wonder who covered the damage when Optimus and Megatron face off? McSweeney's intercepted this letter from Optimus Prime's insurance agent notifying him of his policy increase to $235,567.50.

Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

Contact information for this author is not available.