Tonight, we ride in hell (Image: Bryan Menegus / Gizmodo)

Swagtron, the ludicrously named company that previously went by the equally ludicrous name Swagway, has some new gear for 2017. One of the gadgets is called “SwagSurf,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like: a chariot that will (supposedly) carry you across bodies of water like a shitty millennial Jesus.

Swagtron is set to show off the new products this week at CES, but it supplied Gizmodo with some details today. According to the company, SwagSurf is a “beautiful, full bodied electric surfboard that harnesses the power of the ocean in one motor.”

“Powerful. Beautiful. Sleek. That’s the SwagSurf for you,” the press packet continues.

The futuristic surfboard features a sweet black and white flame-esque design and comes with a wireless remote control. It rounds out at 7 and a half feet long and two and a half feet wide, weighs 55 pounds, and can go about 15 miles per hour. It’s unclear how much the thing will cost, but the company’s hoverboards generally run in the $250 to $450 range.

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We’re not sure exactly how the Swagsurf works, but we made some guesses:

Image: Sophie Kleeman / Gizmodo

Electric surfboards already exist, of course, so Swagtron isn’t exactly breaking the mold here. (Extra points for the flames, though.) Besides the surfboard, the company is also introducing a “SwagRoller” (an electric unicycle), a “SwagCycle” (an electric bike), and an “off-road” hoverboard, among other things.

I love 2017 already.