Have you typed “is Ted Cruz” into Google lately? You’ll get some interesting autocomplete suggestions.

Is Ted Cruz American?

Yes, but his eligibility to run for president depends on the interpretation of “natural born citizen.”

Is Ted Cruz Hispanic?

Depends on who you ask. Race is, after all, a social construct.

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Is Ted Cruz married?

As far as we know. He met his wife Heidi while both were working for the George W. Bush presidential election campaign in 2000. They were married in 2001.

Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac killer?

Who’s to say? We’re just asking questions. And by “we” we mean Google, of course.

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Ted Cruz was born shortly after the first murders committed by the so-called Zodiac Killer in 1970. The killer sent a series of cryptic letters to police saying that he killed 37 people over the years. To this day, his identity remains a mystery.

If Ted Cruz really is the Zodiac Killer there are so many questions left to be answered. Was Ted Cruz a time traveler? Or even a homicidal baby time traveler? Let’s stop beating around the bush. These are the real questions Google should be asking.

[Esquire]