The halcyon days of your youth may be quickly coming to an end, but that doesn't mean your 4th of July poolstravaganza has to be any less enjoyable—it just means you can't get blackout drunk and try to dive into the water from your roof again this year. Still, these eight adult-sized pool floats will keep your guests comfortable and cool in the hot July sun.
The American Flag Float
It's your civic duty, nay, your civic pleasure to paddle around your front yard's above-ground pool adorned in the Stars and Stripes, the Constitution, and Lady Liberty. Because if we don't show our continued patriotism in the form of $15 Poolmaster Flag Print Water Tubes from Wayfair, then the terrorists really have won. 'Murica!
The Cockroach Float
Every pool party needs at least one animal-shaped novelty float but don't be a putz and haul out the same tired orcas and sharks—set this cockroach afloat instead. I mean, all you have to do is show up dressed like Tony Montagna's from the Scarface pool scene and this $30 float and you'll have the money, the power, and the weemen before you can say "cock-a-roach".
The Nose Float
And while you're thinking of putting things up your nose, why not put yourself in the Puggish schnoz of this dual-passenger float? The Swimline Smiley Face Fun Inflatable Island measures 65 x 14 x 14 inches and is on sale for $30 at Splash Supercenter.
The Couples Float
If you'd prefer that hanging out in the pool with your significant other didn't involve doing so in the nasal cavity of a three foot wide cartoonish grin, check out the Rave Sports Sun Odyssey. It supports two passengers up to 450 pounds in combined weight, offers a built-in cooler with lid and a pair of accompanying cup holders for $28.
The Drink Chiller
After spending all that quality face time with your partner, you'll likely need a stiff drink or four. And that's where the Intex Mega Chill II comes in. Its floating base offers a 48 quart capacity while the removable ice chest can hold 72 brews with ice. It retails for just $30—not bad given that the 12 qt Heritage Float-a-Bout will set you back double that at Walmart.
The Dog Float
So, what? You're going to go enjoy a pleasant day in the pool without your trusty four-footed sidekick? Don't leave your dog high and dry, let him join in on the fun with the Swimways Float Paddle Paws. These floats are designed specifically to withstand the unavoidable punctures that come with mixing dew claws and inflatable rafts and retail for $36 at Amazon.
The Baby Float
Now that you've gotten your dog squared away, you might as well let your ankle-biters in on the aquatic action as well. The Baby Spring float props your kid above the surface of the water in a mesh-covered seat and broad play space. It offers redundant air reservoirs as well as a removable canopy for $30 from Swimways.
The Fountain Float
Once the sun has gone down, treat your guests to a shimmering water show with the $38 Aquaglow Underwater Light Show. It beams colored light against the bottom and sides of the pool while spouting multicolored jets of water high into the air. There's no installation required, just add batteries and toss it in.
Top Image: OlegD