Photos: Alex Cranz/Gizmodo

Last Friday, for the first time in my adult life, I bought a new phone before the current phone had a chance to drown in a toilet or was mysteriously smashed to shit somewhere deep in blackout. I was punished for this pretense of competence.

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My fingertips, and my heart, are filled with shattered glass. I haven’t even had the time to empirically complain about the purged headphone jack. Here are the things responsible for this incident:

  • Topshop MOTO Denim Western Jacket (grey) and its ridiculous front pockets which are sideways for some reason. Do not put your iPhone in these pockets. My iPhone fell out three times while I was walking today, but it always landed on its back. Until it didn’t.
  • A soft and clear Native Union case bought in a hurry at the Union Square Best Buy because I’m “responsible.” It’s not this case, but it’s very similar in the sense that the cover stops covering the glass screen a millimeter before the raised edge, making it just about pointless. Do not get this case. Get a hefty case. It’s ok. It looks fine. Don’t get any case that leaves your screen jutting out visibly. That’s naive.
  • I should have seen it coming, and I did, in slow motion, as my phone landed face flat on the pavement with a soft crunch.

That’s that. I just hope I remembered to buy one of those new AppleCare plans. Messy.