The Air Force Just Fired 9 Nuclear Missile Commanders for Cheating

This is a little unsettling. A year-long investigation into alleged cheating on proficiency exams has resulted in the dismissal of nine nuclear missile commanders at the Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana. The military expects to punish dozens of junior officers, as well.

You probably didn't even realize that nuclear missile commanders have to take exams, but it's very important. After all, these are the men and women guarding our nuclear arsenal! They should be up to speed on how the missile launch systems work in case, you know, we need to use them. And the Air Force isn't interested in failure. The investigation found that the military maintained a "100 percent or failure" policy. In other words, these commanders couldn't get a single answer wrong. If that seems too strict, remind yourself that these are the folks responsible for weapons that could literally end human civilization as we know it. The Air Force now says it will lower the passing grade to 90 percent.

It gets worse. The Air Force actually found out about the alleged cheating during an investigation into 11 officers accused of drug possession. So the guardians of our nuclear missiles are doing drugs and cheating on tests? Apparently they are. As NBC News reports, "The investigation found that officers were texting answers to each other, and that others knew about the cheating but did not report it." So it's just like high school only, instead of working toward a good report card, these airmen are supposed to be keeping our nukes safe.

It actually gets even worse. This unsettling news arrives just a few months after we learned that Air Force officers were leaving the blast doors to the missile silos open. At the time, the Associated Press reported on a number of problems with the Intercontinental Ballistic Missile force "including a failed safety inspection, the temporary sidelining of launch officers deemed unfit for duty and the abrupt firing last week of the two-star general in charge." And that's not even getting into the whole boondoggle of the fact that the nuclear launch code was 00000000 for 20 years.

Sorry for the scary news. At least our fancy new planes still work! Oh wait, no they don't. [NBC News]