skippywasserman commented on James Franco Nervously Denies T-Shirt Theft

"If you steal the shark from a JAWS III-D shirt and paste a picture of a cat you don't get to call foul when someone does a better job of it."

skippywasserman commented on Philosophical Questions

"Not that I'm a crazy food purist or anything of the sort, but if you get the chance to try raw honey made by traditional methods, please do."

skippywasserman commented on STDs and Your Book Tour

"Boys, when you go visiting whores be sure that you don't come home smelling of it."

skippywasserman commented on Nanny Needed for 5 Kids, Including 18-year-old Columbia Student

"Give me 3 weeks and 35K and I'll have your 19-year old able to tie his own fucking shoes."

skippywasserman commented on 6 Things You Should Never Say To A Car Salesman

"No, no, no. Bring with you a small notepad."

skippywasserman commented on Late Execution

"I get queasy at the notion of commenter executions."

skippywasserman commented on The Internet Totally Loves That McCain Called His Wife A C*nt

"@if_i_only_had_a_heart: So, uh, how did John McCain improperly aid Charles Keating, Jr., and why did his fellow Senators not feel that he was deserving of censure and only deserved criticism?"

skippywasserman commented on The Internet Totally Loves That McCain Called His Wife A C*nt

"That's exactly what's wrong with America these days!"

skippywasserman commented on The High Cost Of Spam

"Also, nothing is better for catching maggots than an unwashed SPAM can left on the back porch for a couple of days. What you do with them maggots is your business."

skippywasserman commented on Starbucks Barista Once Tried to Fatten Up the Olsen Twins

"This so reminds me of when we used to sell tourists bags of oregano as weed so they wouldn't take drugs and be a harm to themselves."

skippywasserman commented on Even the Help is Superior at Whole Food

"The bestest thing about Whole Foods is that the workers know for shit-sure that the entitled twatwaffle who just cut you off near the antipasta bar while dazedly discussing their day with a fellow dimwit totally deserves to be beaten repeatedly with a whole New Zealand bone-in leg of lamb. They do, however, draw the line at attempting to smother a frumpy hausfrau with focaccia for taking more than one sample of the fig-glazed brie."

skippywasserman commented on Save Money on Food by Buying Whole Animals and Other Extreme Saver Secrets

"@joyatri: Most people would do well to reduce consumption of meat, but in terms of how accessable the nutrients are and the density of them, meat is hard to beat."

skippywasserman commented on Let's All Shame This Lady

"@lizzybennett: Hey, if she wants to be heard, there's very little stopping her from not being a passive-agressive twat in doing so."

skippywasserman commented on Let's All Shame This Lady

"@cassandra: So, uh, as long as we're being civilized and such, can I get me some of those other things? As you surely know, I'm with you on the whole 'have some goddamned decency' side of this."

skippywasserman commented on Let's All Shame This Lady

"@cassandra: I remember a time when folks understood that other people's personal shit was, well, their personal shit."

skippywasserman commented on Hilarious Signs That It's Not A Great Depression Yet

"The hell?!? We had an opportunity to organize and plan and make sure that when we finally round up the wealthy and throw them in camps that the revolution FINALLY liberates the common man,and we piss it away on the ramblings of last generation's iconoclastic elitists?"

skippywasserman commented on A Great New Read For Spring!

"I just need to know which pretend candidate I vote for to bring about the end of civilization and a rapid decline into Road Warrior-esque post-apocalypse."

skippywasserman commented on From Now On, There are Going to be Rules

"Jesus fucking Mary and Joseph and the Ox and the Lamb, too, what the hell is this happy horseshit?"