The Socially Acceptable Geek Subgenre Scale is a handy showcase of just where various types of geeks fall in the social hierarchy. And if you're offended because you find yourself near the bottom of the scale, just remember: there's no shame in being passionate about something unpopular as long as no one knows about it. And if you really hate clicking through the gallery, click here to see all of them on one long page. Although while doing so realize that people who whine about galleries are their own subgenre of geek, and it's not very high up on the scale.

Illustrations by Dan Meth.

Sports Geeks
There's a pretty huge difference between being able to dunk and knowing all of Xavier McDaniel's home game stats for the 1994 season. The former is called an athlete, the latter is called a statistics nerd. But since they nerd out about sports, it's totally socially acceptable and almost expected in certain circles. I mean, when there are bars based around a fetish like this, you know you won't get beat up for being into it.

Car Geeks
Being a car geek, like being a sports geek, is all about an obsession with numbers. But because those numbers are relating to things like torque and ratios and horsepower that come together to deliver the pleasure of going real fast in a hot car, this is seen as a pretty macho hobby. Of course, if the obsession is more with the vroom vroom noises than the mechanics of the engine, you lose out on the major upside of being a geek: brains.

Music Geeks
There are really two types of music geeks: serious music appreciators, and musicians. Sadly, making music is less cool than really liking to listen to music if you don't play in a rock band. Those band camp jokes don't come from nowhere! So sorry, flautists! You will never be seen as cool. And there are a lot more flautists out there than there are Sammy Hagars.

Movie Geeks
Being super into movies is pretty socially acceptable, although there are definitely subgenres here. Being super into art house films? Very cool. Being super into horror movies? Less cool. Repeatedly having your heart broken by George Lucas but continuing to obsess about everything he does? Completely unacceptable.

Food Geeks
Liking to eat is one thing, but becoming really familiar with the exact time and water temperature to cook the perfect soft-boiled egg? Knowing the names of every hot chef and where they cook? Tracking exactly how far the basic ingredients in your meal travelled to get to you? This elevates hunger to a seriously geeky level, one that often makes people insufferable pricks to eat around. "Oh god, McDonald's? I haven't eaten there in years!"

Gamers
As kids who grew up with Atari grow up into adults purchasing Xboxes and PlayStations, video games are looking less like toys and more like a huge entertainment genre. Hell, it's tough to find a male in his 20's who isn't a gamer these days, and the video game population is only getting larger and larger. But still, if you try talking about your favorite elemental sniper rifle from Borderlands or your best killstreak in Modern Warfare 2 while at the country club, you are going to be looked at like a child.

Gadget Nerds
Here's one that we're pretty familiar with around these parts. While the popularity of gadgets such as the iPhone and Xbox 360 have made fetishizing shiny plastic objects much more acceptable and mainstream, being a zealous fanboy or a senseless early adopter will still get you funny looks by more casual gadget users and appreciators. Because really, if you get a hard-on for firmware updates, no girls will want to talk to you unless you build said girls yourself.

Programmers
Everyone loves their huge selection of iPhone Apps and the amazing software that allows them to do so many different things on their computers, but the folks who actually make this stuff are still seen as shut-in geeks. That's slowly becoming less and less true, as programmers such as the Google guys and Mark Zuckerberg turn code monkeying into billions of dollars, which certainly helps reduce the stigma. But still, Zuckerberg seems like a huge douche, so it may be a wash.

DIY Computer Geeks
Building your own computer is becoming more and more of a niche activity, with laptops becoming the computer of choice for most people and video games moving to the console space. But there's still a seriously active group of people who love the satisfaction that building your own rig brings, and the air of superiority it makes them feel for being able to navigate the nearly impenetrable world of PC components. And man, don't tell them you "custom ordered" your Dell unless you want to be faced with a halitosis-tainted laugh aimed right at you.

Cosplayers
You see cosplayers most often at conventions, such as ComicCon. Basically, they dress up like their favorite video game or movie characters, often with a stunning amount of detail. But really, no matter how much effort you put into your costume, if you're dressed up as Cloud from Final Fantasy VII, there's a limit as to how cool you're going to look.

Otaku
These folks are totally obsessed with Japan and its anime culture, collecting all sorts of figurines of either huge-breasted fantasy girls or shy-looking schoolgirls and having bookshelves full of manga books and anime DVDs. They replace normal social interactions with hours spent fantasizing about a world that doesn't actually exist. Sad would be the word for it.

LARPers
Dungeons and Dragons is pretty geeky, but it's a board game, so it's done in the privacy of one's home. Not LARPing. LARPing is like taking D&D into the real world by dressing up like orcs and knights and such and having a big, fake, embarrassing battle in a public park. There are no winners in these battles, only losers.

Furries
There's nothing below Furries at the bottom of the geek barrel. These folks dress up like human/animal hybrids, often for sexual-fantasy reasons. As much as I want to say "go for it!" to anyone with an oft-mocked hobby, well, this proves that even open-mindedness has its limits.

You're going to want to check out Carl Zimmer's full article about what exactly is going on here. Essentially, evolution has caused duck penises and duck vaginas to adapt into pretty wild and complex contraptions, with the penises unfurling into clockwise corkscrew shapes while the vaginas have evolved into counter-clockwise passageways with multiple pockets. And you thought your vagina was impressive!

Seriously, go check out the article to give this video some context. If nothing else, it'll provide you with a deeply inappropriate anecdote to tell your extended family over dinner tonight. [Discover Magazine]

I will admit that the bottom is pretty badass looking, and it certainly does leave a lot of room for presents. But you need to have a home setup similar to this to pull it off, and you also need to be cool with your tree dangling from a wire hung from a crane-like apparatus.

But really, if it were my dad who did this, I would tell him to quit fiddling with the tree and to reroute that energy to my presents. That's the reason for the season, after all. [Instructables]

Built by someone from the CKBot group at UPenn's Modlab, this terrifying little device hides in the ceiling above a cubicle. When activated, it pops up a ceiling tile and unleashes a hot fury of ping pong balls down on the unsuspecting victim. It is, in a word, amazing. [Modlab via BotJunkie]

All of these attractions were designed by WET, the design firm behind the famous Bellagio fountains. Fast Company got a tour of the new facilities and WET's offerings, and they look pretty impressive.

Sure, there's a recession on and Vegas has been one of the cities hit hardest by the disintegrated housing market. But god dammit, if I can't live in a world with gigantic ice sculptures that are automatically created just to melt ever day, I don't want to live at all. [Fast Company]

The small device would connect around the teeth and use bone conductivity to take sounds from a microphone in the deaf ear and turn them into vibrations that could be heard by the working ear. Pretty crazy! It's currently being tested, with plans for it to hit the FDA next year for approval and then official release. [New Scientist via io9]

We are working with our partners to learn more. The technology we use is built on standard algorithms that measure the difference in intensity of contrast between the eyes and the upper cheek and nose. We believe that the camera might have difficulty "seeing" contrast in conditions where there is insufficient foreground lighting.

[HP and Metafilter via The Daily What]

Yes, Verizon has responded to the FCC's inquiry with just what you'd expect: some pretty vague excuses. You see, they need to charge such a crazy ETF.

"The higher (early termination fee) associated with Advanced Devices reflects the higher costs associated with offering those devices to consumers at attractive prices, the costs and risks of investing in the broadband network to support these devices, and other costs and risks."

Costs and risks, costs and risks! What they don't address is why they're justified in charging a fee that ends up being far higher than the difference between the actual cost of a phone and the subsidized price, especially if the contract is cancelled many months in. Isn't that all the ETF is supposed to cover? I mean, if you're relying on contract cancellation fees to pay for your network, well, I don't think you need to have an MBA to figure out why that ain't good business. [WSJ via Silicon Alley Insider]

Seriously, just start watching the first one if you don't believe me. And really, are you going to argue with Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof, who discovered this and said "Your life is about to change. This is astounding film making. Watch ALL of it."? I didn't think so. [YouTube via Damon Lindelof]