Is a Saviour needed by a humanity which has invented interactive communication, which navigates in the virtual ocean of the Internet and, thanks to the most advanced modern communications technologies, has now made the Earth, our great common home, a global village?

Of course we still need a Savior. Hopefully, our shepherd, Steve Jobs, will unveil Apple-Cellphone-Thingy, the true Jesus Phone—or jPhone—in two weeks, at the Macworld Keynote. It shall lift the hunger and disease you speak of from the land, as it will cure the rabid state of mind infecting Mac fanboys like yours truly.

So, we're all on the same page, your Pope-ness.–Brian Lam

Pope: Worship God not technology [CNN]

Late Saturday, iPhone Insider made a bold proclamation:
"Apple has acquired the name "iMobile" for its upcoming cellphone."

It quickly rose to Digg's homepage. Seems like straightforward times in rumorville. Except the original iPhone Insider blog is fake. All posts, save that last rumor post, were pulled word-for-word from Gizmodo. It's a splog.

Eight hours later, Apple Gazette put forth proof that there are eight trademarks on iMobile, and that none of them belong to Apple. Points for common sense, and reporting.–Brian Lam

Digg iMobile stories [digg]

Linksys's products are polished, and considerate of the hacktastic. (Consider the WRT 54L, a special edition router that still runs Linux while the rest of the line moves to a proprietary OS.) DLink products, on the other hand, are fanciful. IP cameras with relays built in that can remotely trigger door buzzers, and all sorts of interesting kit that never quite works without a bit of fussing.

Maybe DLink is calling Linksys out for the stunt. And maybe they're just jealous they didn't pull it off first.
–Brian Lam

UPDATE: Of course, we know this isn't officially sanctioned messaging from the corporate PR team. But we still love to hear about Networking giants clashing like highschool rivals. It's what we live for!

Hands-on Review: D-Link V-Click GSM/Wi-Fi Phone [Yahoo! Tech Blog]

But exactly how strong is this mythology? Can the iPhone's legend stand up to the greatest myths of the history of man: those of the ancient Greek civilization?

There is only one way to find out...and it involves the three-headed ancient god of reason that is the Frankenreview.

iPhone vs. Apollo
Apollo was the most beloved of the all gods, and he was the god of music and supreme master of the golden lyre.

The iPhone can play any music style and any recording converted to the supported digital formats.

Winner: iPhone, because who the fuck rocks out to the lyre these days? Except Sting, of course (aka god of my heart).

iPhone vs. SirensThe Sirens were beings who could entice mariners with their song, only to destroy their ships on the rocks.

Studies have proven that cell phone use while driving can lead to more accidents (some surely involving collisions with rocks).

Winner: iPhone, unless the driver is in close proximity to the Bermuda Triangle, where reception is difficult, and the Lock Ness's brother can team up with the Sirens.

iPhone vs. Atlas
Atlas, as punishment for siding with the Titans, was forced by Zeus to literally bear the weight of the sky on his shoulders.

The iPhone, after the sucktastic RKOR and Chocolate, is now holding up the hearts and expectations of fanboys everywhere.

Winner: iPhone, because oxygen floats and hearts are more difficult to hold in bulk (more slippery, sorta gross).

Steve Jobs vs. Zeus
Zeus is a god.

Steve Jobs just thinks he's a god is also a god.

Winner: Zeus, due to lightning bolt powers.

Brian Lam vs. Epimetheus
Epimetheus is synonymous with "hind-sight". His actions in betraying Zeus and his brother Prometheus (foresight) led to all suffering and despair being released on mankind.

Brian Lam teased the release of the Apple iPhone.

Winner: Tie.– Mark Wilson

mythology 1
mythology 2
photo 1
photo 2
photo 3

You know me from awesome takedown sites like this one, this one, and this one. And my favorite of all, an entire blog dedicated to why I suck, and the conspiracy theories around the Gizmodo iPhoneyGate incident. Most people saw iPhoneyGate for what it was: a dramatic shift in a big story.

Truth is, I fell for the iPhone hype just as hard as everyone else (that's my job, after all). And in many ways I'm just as disappointed about how the whole thing unfolded. It all started with a coded email...

The email came in from Linksys, and it alluded to some unreleased product news, with this tantalizing line tacked to the end:

iPhone am not sure if I can tell you yet what it is quite yet.

My mind raced. I read it again. Did this mean Linksys was working with Apple? The iPhone would be a VOIP service, perhaps, and Apple would open it up to outside handset providers? Without hesitation, I agreed to the embargo and hit send. The reply came back in a minute, and included the information on the Linksys iPhone, and the revelation that Linksys owned the trademark on that high-profile name that everyone assumed was the property of Apple.

I was deflated.

I should have known better than to get my hopes up. Gizmodo has been handed some great leaks in the past—but something of this magnitude? The only way the iPhone is going to be announced is when Steve Jobs does it, probably on a Tuesday, at a Mac event.

And then I saw the bigger picture: Apple didn't have the iPhone name that had already accrued so much value. And if a Linksys was announcing this product, it meant that Apple would not be able to buy it. I don't know whether negotiations broke down, or whether there were negotiations to begin with. But Steve Jobs probably isn't too happy about the outcome.

News like this is hard to keep a lid on. And I knew that we weren't the only blog that was going to be tipped off about this news. So I got to work on crafting a carefully worded blind item. I entered the phrases, shuffled the words around.

Should I put rumor in the title? No, because I knew it was coming out.

Should I take iPhone out of the title? No, because it is an iPhone.

Should I say it's not by Apple? Nah, because that would blow the lid on Monday's real news.

I knew that no matter what I did, even if the post was 100% correct, and even had a disclaimer, I would be crucified by the fanboys unless I actually delivered an Apple iPhone. I might as well have promised the second coming. But I wasn't going to drop a lead like this—a scoop on the false Jesus phone.

The iPhone came out when I said it would. And the big picture story I wrote on Sunday night, was legitimized on Monday morning. And, Just as I'd expected, the lashings were merciless. Funny, I always thought my path to infamy would involve motorcycles and bar scuffles.

But the best of the roastings didn't come from Apple sites. Most of the Apple hardcore recognized the bigger picture story and ran with it. That fact that Gizmodo was having a bit of a laugh didn't much matter.

The scorned fanboys didn't take the news nearly as well. The best outrage came from this dude: PLZ READ his Boycott Gizmodo blog. It's an awesome conspiracy theory that is 100 times more sensational than the Gizmodo's iPhoneyGate could ever hope to be. He got everything wrong, except the fact that I did initially add the Apple tag to our post, only to take it off a day later. I've returned it, now, since it means so much to Mr. Boycott. It was there in the first place because the big story the blind item referred to is Apple related. I quickly took it off because it really was the most misleading section of the post. In retrospect, I should never have removed it, or at least mentioned the update as an additional clue in the item.

I'm honored that someone would take so much time to scrutinize what was to me just another day of blogging. And for that, I hereby award boycottgizmodo.blogspot.com a Digg. I think you should, too—for entertainment value alone.–Brian Lam

Apple Cellphone Thingy [Gizmodo]

The other is the CIT400, that can hit up a land line or act as a stand alone wireless Skype phone.

Linksys Not-Apple-iPhone [Gizmodo]

Cisco rightfully owns the trademark for iPhone. And Apple can't sue them or bully them into giving it up. The tech world had taken the title for granted, assumed it to be proper, plastered it over magazine covers, and now the name is lost. Which means Apple's iPhone, if there even is an iPhone, will have to be named something else. It's a big deal, if you think about what that name meant.

Superficially, it's Apple's loss, because the name has been built up by blogs and the mainstream press, to stand for the most highly coveted piece of vapor, ever. But those articles are only there in response to the fanatical desire for a cellphone most — except Steve, its designers, those working on the ad campaigns, and Kevin Rose informers — know zero factual information about. It is the
Cult of Mac's most fantastic religious symbol.

Which is why the loss of the name is really our loss. Since last Thursday, I've been trying to come up with a more natural sounding name to live up to the what the word iPhone stood for: The coming of the perfect phone. One not hobbled by carriers, not weighed down with clunky menus we've already abandoned in video games, computing, TV, and mp3 players. The US of A is last in the modern world when it comes to phone tech. This was supposed to be our Big Shot. So go ahead, and try to think of a name that'll live up to all that. Try repeating iCall, iTalk, iChat Mobile, or any other name suggested by readers of TUAW on this very matter. (The shittiest: Macommunicator) Say the new names, and then the dearly departed. Feel that? The contrast in excitement you feel between "iPhone" and any other title, is what we're all losing by having to change the Apple Cellphone's name. Yes, a rose by any other name might smell just as sweet. But what if you have no idea what a rose looks like, smells like, and you're surrounded by goddamn daffodils? The title was a handle, and all we had to represent the only gadget that could possibly dwarf the perfect thing.

The cult still has hope. It's a safe bet that Apple's known that Cisco's had the trademark for awhile. So they've had a lot of time to make up a name as fresh as the word "iPod" was when it first rolled off our tongues.

And the discussion begins. What will Apple call their perfect phone? – Brian Lam

More: Apple iPhone Knock Knock Joke
iPhone [Gizmodo]

All through this, I'm reminded of the Brucesploitation era. When Bruce Lee died, imitators, under names like Bruce Le and Bruce Li came out with their own films to fill the void. Fans would hear the name, glance at the spelling, see the false idols, and move on. How can anything live up to the name?

So the iPhone is a VOIP handset, and not by Apple. Now, the bigger story presents itself: What will Apple call its cellphone? – Brian Lam

More: The iPhone is Dead: What Will Apple Name Its Cellphone Thingy Now?

P.S. Macheads—including those from Macrumors, Think Secret, TUAW, and Cult of Mac—know Apple likes to release gear on Tuesdays. So they didn't expect an Apple iPhone Monday. If you did read into my original post and feel like I misled you, sincere apologies for the discomfort.

From a search from the USPTO

Typed Drawing
Word Mark IPHONE
Goods and Services IC 009. US 021 023 026 036 038. G & S: computer hardware and software for providing integrated telephone communication with computerized global information networks. FIRST USE: 19970606. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 19970606
Mark Drawing Code (1) TYPED DRAWING
Design Search Code
Serial Number 75076573
Filing Date March 20, 1996
Current Filing Basis 1A
Original Filing Basis 1B
Published for Opposition December 29, 1998
Registration Number 2293011
Registration Date November 16, 1999
Owner (REGISTRANT) INFOGEAR TECHNOLOGY CORPORATION CORPORATION CALIFORNIA 1775 WOODSIDE ROAD REDWOOD CITY CALIFORNIA 94061

(LAST LISTED OWNER) CISCO TECNOLOGY, INC. CORPORATION CALIFORNIA 170 WEST TASMAN SAN JOSE CALIFORNIA 95134
Assignment Recorded ASSIGNMENT RECORDED
Attorney of Record KAREN MARIE KITTERMAN
Type of Mark TRADEMARK
Register PRINCIPAL
Affidavit Text SECT 8 (6-YR).
Live/Dead Indicator LIVE

More: The iPhone Lives: But the Trademark Belongs to Cisco
More: Apple iPhone Knock Knock Joke
More: iPhoneyGate: Best Brian Lam/Gizmodo Hate Blog Ever. Digg It!