Sadly, there's more tech involved here than witchcraft, which doesn't exist. Instead, this cheater's bowling ball, created by the nefarious folks at 900 Global, uses an internal "weight screwed onto a threaded shaft inside the ball," and perhaps an incarcerated hamster to steer itself down the lane and into the target.

I joke about cheating, but the goal here is actually to help young children and those with physical limitations bowl better. Perfection ain't cheap though: The 900 Global ball will run you $1,500. And your immortal soul! [Popular Mechanics via Gawker TV]

Seriously, how badass is this letter he sent to Amazon?

Paul Gowder
[Address omitted]

August 12, 2009

Amazon.com Inc.
Legal Department
1200 12th Avenue South
Suite 1200
Seattle, WA 98144-2734

Dear Sir or Madam:

On June 21, 2009, I purchased an Kindle 2 e-book reader from the Amazon.com website. I purchased this device based, in substantial part, on the expectation that it would be reasonably durable. In particular, I expected that it would be approximately as durable as is ordinary in the consumer electronics market.

Amazon.com advertises the Kindle 2 on the basis of its durability. Notably, Amazon.com displays a "drop test" video on the web page for this product. That video displays the device being dropped twice from thirty inches onto what appears to be tile. That video displays a fall with sufficient force that the device visibly bounces, and deliberately creates the impression that the device will function after impacts similar to that sequence of drops.

Despite those representations, the Kindle 2 is far less durable. On July 26, 2009, I dropped a messenger bag containing the device onto the sidewalk, from approximately two feet above the ground. It was dropped only once, and the messenger bag absorbed enough of the shock that nothing else in the bag, including a Macbook laptop, suffered any damage whatsoever. (Unlike the drop displayed in Amazon.com's video, for example, nothing actually bounced.) Moreover, there was no visible damage on the exterior of the Kindle 2. Nonetheless, the Kindle 2 became completely unusable, with over 50% of its screen no longer able to display any text.

I called Amazon.com support and was told that, because of the accidental drop, you would not be willing to supply a replacement device under warranty. You did, however, offer to sell a new device at a discount, for $200.00. I took advantage of that offer under protest, and explicitly reserved my rights to bring a claim against you based on the unreasonable fragility of the device and the misrepresentations in your advertising. It is that claim that forms the subject of this letter.

I am prepared to offer an immediate settlement of my claims against Amazon.com for a payment of $400.00. That sum represents the $200.00 replacement fee I paid plus $200.00 to compensate me for the diminution of utility and value of the device as well as of the e-books I have purchased for that device, in light of the fact that the replacement device, too, can be expected to be far more fragile than advertised and prone to destruction under the slightest stress. This offer expires thirty days from your receipt of this letter. If you do not accept this offer, I intend to bring suit either individually, or, if I decide it is warranted, as representative for a class of similarly situated plaintiffs. At that time, I will seek the amount noted above, plus punitive damages under the California Consumers Legal Remedies Act, Cal. Civil Code §1750 et. seq., costs, fees, and such other monetary damages as provided for by law, including without limitation Cal. Bus. & Prof. Code §17200 et. seq., the implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, and other relevant law.

Also, you have demanded the return of the broken device as a condition to the unreasonable discounted replacement offer which I accepted under protest. Your agent has informed me that you will charge my credit card for the full price if the broken device is not returned to you. I am considering seeking a protective order placing that device in the custody of the Court pending litigation. However, should I instead return the device, you are hereby notified that it is evidence in the anticipated litigation to which this letter refers. Should you modify, destroy, or resell the broken device, I will ask the Court to treat that as deliberate spoliation of evidence and make adverse inferences as appropriate.

Very truly yours,

Paul Gowder

And here's Amazon's response:
Pretty awesome. Just goes to show that if you put your somewhat-unreasonable request in an official-looking form and also threaten to sue, big companies will be happy to toss a token amount of money your way to make you go away. [Consumerist]

[Today's Big Thing]

Unlike most products in this category, the Music Ball was designed with usability in mind. This foamy ball will sit anywhere, dangle or swing during playback, demanding no support beyond your device's headphone jack. The single white wire and range of appealing colors let the Music Ball double as a fashion accessory (though admittedly not the most masculine one), and the powered speaker ensures that you'll actually be able to hear your music. The battery only lasts about two hours, but it's USB-rechargeable.

The only catch is the price: it's kind of expensive even without importing costs, and once it's shipped over from Japan it comes in at just below $80. If that's not too rich for your blood, the Yuen'To ships in February. [Akihabara]

The difference between these fireballs and other high-temperature incendiary weapons like the CrashPAD or the Shredder—two modified bombs designed to eliminate Weapons of Mass Destruction—is that these don't do a good job on keeping hazardous substances under control. Once the bomb—made of explosive and incendiary material—hits the target, there's always an ejection of material to the atmosphere, which could be dangerous for the population or the troops.

The kinetic rocket fire balls, however, don't explode. Once they hit their target—delivered by a modified bomb—and ignite, they just bounce randomly finding their way across every part of the structure. In the process, they emit an extremely high temperature flame, vaporizing everything around them at 1,000 ºF. This behavior, bouncing everywhere and reaching every place, makes them extremely effective at destroying any kind of substance or contents in the structure.

In fact, these Weapons of Bouncy Destruction can be used against both chemical or bacteriological facilities, as well as nuclear facilities, without breaking the buildings and spreading radioactivity. For now, they are "secret" and have never been used in real action—or so they said—but they have been tested successfully in underground bunkers and may be already under limited production.

And yes, you can cue in the Jerry Lee Lewis. Now. [Danger Room]

It took 30 minutes to unload all the balls from 190 giant bags into the 10-acre, 58-million gallon water reservoir that serves 600,000 people in downtown and South L.A.

The move to deploy the balls—3,000,000 will follow soon—comes after Los Angeles Department of Water and Power officials registered high levels of bromate between June and October 2007. Although these weren't dangerous enough to put the population in risk or call Jack Bauer, the department thought that it would better to be safe than sorry.

Head to the Los Angeles Times to watch the full video. [Nelson Environmental via LA Times—additional photos by Curbed]

Shockingly, his pulse rate went up a lot. That's about all the science they had the budget for, apparently, as they spent all the rest of their money on the hilarious ball-on-ball CGI animation and showing the poor idiot taking the shot about 25 times from different angles. This is reality TV at its best, folks: trying to justify intentionally nailing a guy in the balls with science and then forgetting to, you know, do anything scientific. [Glumbert]

The Teste Touch's built-in temperature sensor lets it respond to heat like real testicles; when it's cold, the balls shrivel up like George Costanza's, and when it's warm, they look like something you'd find in a JCC steam room. When tickled or touched, the sac moves and giggles, and while this may not be totally accurate, it is entertaining.

Jason Krugman, Stella Kim, and Ben Chao, the three students who masterminded the whimsical Teste Touch, kept it pube-free on purpose; they wanted the balls to be friendly and huggable, and not, you know, gross or anything.
[TesteTouch]

That's what the people from Bloom Automatic promise with their $45 adapter, which will launch golf balls as far as 500 yards, depending on the caliber of the gun. You just have to load a blank bullet, fire, and ducks will fall by the power of your balls. Or get it into the hole from tee box. And make ducks fall along the way. The adapter works in a variety of weapons, form a M1911 Colt pistol to the Russian SKS semi-automatic carbine. Scary looking, yes, but better golf balls than actual bullets.

Air Force Golf's launcher, however, works on compressed air and it looks more friendly in all-white. The developer came up with the idea after his dad had a stroke, "leaving him without the use of both his right arm and leg." He said that a few months later he thought that this was a good way for people with disabilities to "keep enjoying the greatest game ever played," even if it was going to be in a completely different way. [Bloom Automatic and Air Force Golf via UberGizmo]

These are exactly like they sound: a USB card reader and a USB hub, both shaped like balls. The reader flilps up and open to reveal different ports to plug into and includes microSD, miniSD, and M2 support. The hub, on the other hand, is just a USB hub that lets you plug in things at different angles so they don't bump up against each other.

The last time we saw so much of Brando's balls was on the set of the original Superman. – Jason Chen

USB Hub [Brando]

USB Reader [Brando]

Product Page [Via OhGizmo!]

Spikey Soft USB Hub Drives Cats Crazy [Everything USB]

With all of the clinking and clanking noises this thing makes, it's certainly not the kind of clock you'd want in your bedroom, but it's just the kind of fascinating Rube Goldberg machine that becomes even more rare and exceptional as technology marches on. It's all mechanical, consisting of 1,600 parts weighing a total of 660 pounds. It's a beautiful work of art in motion. – Charlie White

L'Anchrone [Betrisey.ch, via Hacked Gadgets]

Will the RIAA pay up? Doubtful, but this sends a clear message that the U of N isn't going to put up with their BS. First the ISPs, now the colleges. You just can't find an institution that'll bend over and take it, can you, RIAA? –Adam Frucci

TechDirt [via BoingBoing]

The dancing LED balloons... [Akihabara]

Product Page [Via Coolest-gadgets]