The following objects are no-nos:
• Blogger, Orkut and Facebook The first of these surprises me, as Iran has the fourth largest community of bloggers in the world—even Ahmadinejad has one. (His latest entry reads "My package from Amazon arrived today—although it took its satanic time. Canceled cabinet meeting and the Ayatollah and I hit the games room all morning. GTA IV FTW." ) Anyone who wants to start one up has to inform the authorities, however.
• Celebrity magazines "Using photos of artists, especially foreign corrupt film stars, as instruments to arouse desire, publishing details about their decadent private lives, propagating medicines without authorization, promoting superstitions," goes the explanation.
• Boots and hats Only when worn by women, although I suspect that the Village People's steel toe-caps and leather cap might not make it past the "Down With This Sort of Thing" crew.
• Neckties Although they're not averse to slipping a length of rope around miscreants' necks, I guess a skinny number with piano keys down the front is just taking it too far.
• Breasts on mannequins Some shop windows display clothes on showroom dummies with mastectomies that look like they've been done with an ax and covered with flesh-colored duct tape. Yeah, lose that image from your brain now.
• Western music The artist worst hit is, apparently, Kenny G, so for that let me just say Viva la Revolución!

What, no gadgets banned? Wrong. camera phones are off limits. High-speed internet, too. The reckoning is that denying these items will allow citizens to remain in a state of moral purity. The state has even invested in US-built software that can scan images and files sent by phone to ensure that the morals of its citizens remain pure. And, in a way, they've got a point. Can you remember life before broadband? Yeah, it wasn't pretty—half an hour to open a single hi-res image. Porn traditionalists who like basic missionary sex must have been dying as they strained to see what was going on below the protagonists' expressions of ecstasy as the pic revealed itself, millimeter by agonizing millimeter. Not quite the skin smorgasbord Westerners now enjoy.

Nuclear reactors aside, what does the Iranian gadget freak get to play with? LG, apparently. The Korean electronics company is big in Iran, which gave it the green light last year to produce five cellphone handsets in collaboration with an Iranian manufacturer. LG stuff is advertised all over the place. Switch on the (silicone-free) Iranian music channel and you'll find the commercial breaks clogged up with plugs for LG's RoboKing robotic vacuum cleaner.

Whoah there! So, Barbie is about to be sacked, but autonomous vacuum cleaners are totally fine? Mullahs! Ahmadinejad! Do you not realize what you are doing? Now, I'm no great defender of Barbie (as a kid, I read war comics, climbed trees and played Doctors & Nurses) but these robot vacuum cleaners may be more of a threat than the blonde, pneumatic doll. In the grand scheme of things, I would think Barbie is a more traditional symbol of womanhood than a robotic floor cleaner that does the drudgery of housework, freeing the ladies of the house to dream of getting jobs, drivers licenses and other sorts of trouble. Are you sure you've got the correct target?

Anyone want to make me one for Hello Kitty? [Instructables]

These BarbieGirls MP3 players are bizarre for more than their creepy doll shape: Apparently they are designed to teach your kids about exclusion and peer pressure. When you plug the $59.99 device into the included dock, they unlock exclusive content and chat rooms that only other kids with dolls can access, making them a My-First-Country-Club gadget as well as a portable music device. And yes, it gets even worse.

The 512MB of internal memory and SD card support players that will also have additional "outfits," which will unlock even more chat rooms. One can only assume that buying even more accessories will get you into even more exclusive chat rooms, until you end up virtually discussing the merits of jelly over peanut butter with the daughters of world leaders and A-list celebrities. [New York Times]

Oopsy Poopy Barbie Doggie [Consumerist]

Target Needs To Fire Their Website Copyrighter [Consumerist]

Barbie Doll and Tanner Scooper Dog Set [Entertainment Earth, via Random Good Stuff]

The Tyco R/C N.S.E.C.T. (pictured above) is the sequel to last year's toy of the year. Imagine having a remote-controlled insect the size of an Xbox walking around your house. The front mandibles can actually grip items, be they enemy robots or beer cans, for the older boys in the audience. It shoots foam darts out of its body, leading to massive casualties. Expect videos of N.S.E.C.T. battles to become commonplace on the Interweb. $99.99, this July.

The Tyco R/C Airblade looks like something out of Apocalypse Now (or, for the learned, Heart of Darkness). It's a three-wheeled hovercraft that actually floats just above the (flat) surface, zipping to and fro quite nicely. What's more, plop this baby in the water and watch as it tears up the joint. Recommended for kids 8+, including drunken college students. $79.99, this July.

Mattel's also got a line of Superman toys with your child's name on it. Pictured here is the Superman Returns Inflato-Suit, which you put on like a t-shirt. Activate the battery-operated fan and BAM—instant muscles, no tiring trips to the gym needed. Useful in fending off bullies, girls. $21.99, available now. There's also an action figure that does action figure stuff: sound effects, "action" poses, etc. $24.99, available now.

Continuing with the movie tie-ins, Cars represents yet another Disney + Pixar license to make money, which Mattel also has covered. The most impressive of which is the Cars Fast Talkin' Lightning McQueen Vehicle. On the underside of the car's body is a series of buttons that you use to program the car's movements. Press forward, left, backward, right, forward and it'll move thusly. Just don't put it on a ledge or anything, or it might fall. Not that that happened during the demo or anything. $34.99, available now.

Lastly, Mattel has a incredible number of Barbie and Barbie-ish girls toys on the way. Since I would wager that many of the readers here aren't too interested in Barbie (or at least shouldn't be), I'll keep this somewhat brief. There was one impressive item, the Barbie Let's Dance doll ($54.99, this September), which uses RFID tags embedded inside a wrist band to mimic a child's dance moves. Raise arm up, Barbie's arm goes up; spin around, Barbie spins around. Did John Biggs put on a dress and spin around during the demonstration? Hmm, to tell or not to tell. – Nicholas Deleon

Mattel

You can use me to make and receive calls with Bluetooth 1.1 compatible mobile phones. I have no wires. I work within a 10 meter radius of your phone so you can leave your mobile in your pocket or a bag. You turn me on/off, receive calls, make calls and pair me with other devices by pressing in the small of my back.

I m not sure if this means you ll have to talk into her feet or something, but apparently it'll work with any Bluetooth-compatible phone. There's even a USB dongle sticking out of her so you can recharge her. It's not for everyday conversational use, but I bet you don't want to be talking into Barbie's ass everyday either. And if you do... you're our kind of people.

Post Pokia Bluetooth Star Trek Barbie Handsfree Headset [eBay]