AP - 08/14/07

Seattle WA

Nearly everyone driving around the city carries two .mp3 players with them - their real .mp3 and a fake one. One is an iPod, the other, a Zune. Showing the right digital music player can save their lives.

This art of disguise goes further, so that people arm themselves with an array of paraphernalia which they can whip out as appropriate when they approach a checkpoint.

For example, an iPod listener coming up to a security post he believes is under Zune control should not only have a Zune in hand, but should also be ready to "social." He should hang a picture of Steve Ballmer, the follower of Bill Gates and one of the most revered yet controversial figures among Zune users, on his headphones. While almost any resident can say they "kind of appreciate" J Allard, loyalty to Ballmer establishes credibility among even the most rabid Zune zealots.

If all else fails, there is an exit strategy, "It is okay to claim that you were previously an Ipod user, but that you saw the light later and became a Zune user. Just don't accidentally mention "The Zune Guy." Then it's all over."

In iPod-user controlled areas, it is much easier to skirt through. A spare set of "hipster" clothing and an affected disinterested accent along with interspersing any conversation with the phrase "Boom!" is usually sufficient to guide Zune users to safety.

 Reply