Let's just get this first one out of the way: Not only does the Head Spa Massager look like someone in the 1970s designed it in a future-Sparta fashion, but it's a massage helmet. You look ridiculous, and it can't even secretly double as a sexual aid.

This handsome silver fox has it going on. I mean, he's talking to a sexy lady, and a power call could easily come through his Bluetooth earpiece at any moment, right? Nope, he fooled you! He's hard of hearing, and that's just his Stealth Secret Sound Amplifier. (I laughed when I first saw this, but now it just makes me sad.)

Every cyborg I know of has a head-mounted camera, and since this 5-megapixel Digital Camera Swim Mask is only good for 15' depth (that is, snorkeling or swimming pools), you might as well make the most of it and wear it on dry land too! Even has a cyborg-friendly LED that shines inside the mask, to let your friends know who's part robot tell you when you're shooting.

If sci-fi tells us anything, it's that the bionic man (or woman) has great posture. Thankfully, the Posturetek Biofeedback System—it's a shirt, but they call it a system—"senses incorrect posture and gently encourages posture correction." My assumption is that it doesn't use sharp spikes or electric shocks, but it's still a tad sinister.

Snore correction makes up approximately 94% of SkyMall revenue, but only one, the SnorePro Snore Relief Device, attaches to your wrist and sends a "biofeedback digital pulse" when the log sawing kicks in. (Can you imagine having a business card with the word SnorePro emblazoned on it? Would that be awful or awesome?)

When you embark on the man-machine merger, it makes sense to complement some of that silicon with silicone, if you catch my drift. Hell, you got so much going on, nobody's going to notice that you've shoved some Body Figure Enhancing Pads down your pants. Well, they'll notice, but not in a bad way.

What good is the cyborg life if it doesn't permit you to jump higher, run faster, have more energy, appear 2" taller and "look like a million dollars"? The Gravity Defyers (spelling lessons sold separately) have been tempting travelers for ages with those very promises. Besides, its patented spring-loaded sole is found on no other shoe in the world pretty much ever, for some reason.

Locutus of Borg wasn't much of a jumper—his footwear of choice skewed toward the comfort-illumination lines. That's why he swore by the Brightfeet Lighted Slippers. They're just the thing to slip on when you're making the midnight trek from the regeneration chamber to the cube pissoir.

This week, Gizmodo is exploring the enhanced human future in a segment we call This Cyborg Life. It's about what happens when we treat our body less as a sacred object and more as what it is: Nature's ultimate machine.

For a cool $185 you too can wear the boots Connor sports in Terminator Salvation. The S.I. Assault boot features prime urethane shock absorption, a moisture-wicking liner and a vulcanized rubber sole for wet/dry traction and silent movement. But really the best feature is that it'll still look good in 2018, which is more than you can say for most of your clothes. [Oakley via Uncrate]

Philips senior scientist Paul Lemmens and a team of researchers have devised a jacket—but sorry dudes, no matching pants—that augments your emotions with gentle nudges, squeezes and taps. The point? To cause "a shiver to go up the viewer's spine and creating the feeling of tension in the limbs," Lemmens told IEEE Spectrum, on the eve of the World Haptics Conference where he's presenting the jacket.

Lemmens says that during a Bruce Lee fight scene, the jacket can pulse with the gu-goong gu-goong gu-goong of an elevated heartbeat. (All good, until you remember that Bruce Lee's heart rate never went above 42 beats per minute his whole life.)

The jacket's versatile fondling techniques come from 64 actuators, clustered in groups of four along different parts of the torso and arms—eight in each sleeve, for instance. They are low-powered enough to be run on two AA batteries for an hour, but hopefully they'll make room for more batteries, since the average movie is over 2 hours, including trailers. The signals to pinch your arm, tighten your chest, or sooth your back would come from the film itself, kinda like how those D-Box motion chairs follow pre-determined cues that are synced with the action on the screen.

I'm willing to buy into the argument that a little more physical interaction would heighten my emotional appreciation of a movie, but I just can't help feeling it's the premise of a corny but terrifying episode of The Outer Limits? [IEEE Spectrum]

The Price: $139

The Verdict: OMG warm! Although not as fitted or high quality as the Ardica jackets, which have padded battery packs and clothing designed by people who specialize in fashion like Mountain Hardware, Blazewear isn't meant for the same purpose, and is a lot more affordable. And very warm, as I said!

Wearing a thermal I took some heat gun ratings of my core and the vest at settings 1 through 5. Setting 1 is very toasty, and lasts about 3-5 hours, with 5 lasting far less than that. Here are the ratings and my level of comfort.

Setting 1: Vest temperature of 110 degrees F, skin temperature at my chest of 93. Warm
Setting 3: Vest temperature of 130, skin temperature at my chest of 95. Slightly sweaty, body trying to cool itself.
Setting 5: Vest temperature of 150, skin temperature at my chest of 99. Uncomfortably warm.

I took these measurements at room temperature, after 15 minutes on each setting, but you could feel the heat changes within seconds. The higher settings seem unnecessary but in cold environments, I'd be glad to have them. The extra heat also works to penetrate thicker clothing, too, like shirts and sweaters. The vest's three heat panels are on the back (a large rectangle) and on the flank of the zipper on the front (two smaller strips). The heat was sometimes spotty, on account of the fit being not exactly snug. In fact, the vest's fit is a little on the big side, so good for larger Americans. And the synthetic materials seemed to breath well. When the vest was off, it offered little or no additional warming, fwiw, so you won't want to depend on this jacket when its powered down.

Although Blazewear has outerjackets and gloves, I tested this one because it seemed to be the most capable of being used with your existing jackets and clothing, which you've probably chosen because they also look nice. The vest is meant for sporting, but I declined to use it for snowboarding simply because of two reasons: the battery pack rests on my hip, and would be very painful to fall on, and although it would be nice to adjust the vest's heat output electronically as I went from the chair to moving, the control are on the battery, which is in a pocket and inaccessible. I wouldn't be willing to unzip and reach inside two layers and a pocket to do so. If I was going for an outdoor activity jacket, I'd get an Ardica, but I'd have to spend a lot more money, too.

The cost, though, is very reasonable. And I've fallen asleep wearing it on cold days on the couch, wearing only it and no blanket. For those who are cold and want unbeatable warmth that is electronically generated, I'd recommend this vest for those on a tighter budget who want to wear it while commuting or hanging around.

[Blazewear]

Snowmodo is our snow sport winter meet up at Lake Tahoe, with prizes, discounts, tons of fun snow activities, a party and GADGETS. If you can make it (and people are coming from TEXAS) please RSVP and find out more info by clicking on the banner below. I'll let you wear my hat (below).

Ryan Rose added an ethernet port and a limit switch to his washer to detect on/off cycles and transmit the data in a more forceful way than some lame "ding" sound. When Ryan's drawers are done, his washer sends the signal to a couple of LED signs in his living room that flash "WASH," as well as sending Tweets to his questionably-named Twitter account, Pimpy3Wash. It's actually pretty useful; clothes can get nasty when left to ferment in the machine, and I know I'm not the only one to get distracted by all the shiny things on the internet instead of keeping a careful watch on my duds. [MAKE via Technabob]

The blow-up features the first-gen iPhone, so it's probably, at this point, a bit too late for impact anyhow. I do admire the motivation of this Cafe Press client—the technical depiction is charmingly detailed—but at any kind of distance, this thing just looks like it celebrates a love of IBM circa 1979. You want to see Apple products exploded fashionably? Look no further than this little baby. [Exploded iPhone T-Shirt]

This "heated cycling seat," cleverly named the Iron Saddle, is made from a clothes iron with remarkably few changes. There's no steam, because that could get slippery and safety is always paramount, but besides that it's just an upside-down iron with an attached battery. Short of using a live porcupine, I'm hard pressed to come up with a less comfortable seat, but for sheer novelty and a shameless lack of reality, this one gets a thumbs up from me. [CyclingInfo via MAKE]

The gloves themselves—the $300 Mountain Hardwear Red Savina and the $260 Outdoor Research PrimoVolta—get charged by being plugged into the wall, and are activated by pressing large obvious buttons on the exterior near the wrist.

Inside, the fabric itself is a layering of power, comfort and thermostatic-control panels:

One layer reads the temperature of every part of your hand like a tightly knit grid, and allocates heat where it's coldest. When the finger gets warm, the heater eases off.

Aevex says it'll have the jacket dilemma solved by 2009, and ditto for boots (or at least socks of some kind. Now, if we can all just try and forget about that whole "exploding lithium-ion battery" thing, I think we've got something. [Aevex via CNet]

• Four fingertip pushbuttons for common functions like push-to-talk
• Index fingertip sensor for map or mouse mode selection
• Lower index finger for switching radio channels
• Pinky fingertip for map zoom or, in mouse mode, mouse-click
• Middle fingertip is "anywhere mouse" trackpad that is engaged when press against a hard surface like a gun or a wall
• Accelerometers in wrist track Wii-like gestures for sending messages, etc.

The glove has been in development for a few years, but has just been taken up by the US Army for testing at the Natick Soldier Systems Center. It's insanely cool, and something with clear real-world applications—and not just for you, Zoltan. But still, I keep wondering exactly how smart it is to make the tip of the index (aka trigger) finger a sensor that's to be used while your holding a gun. No wonder they show it here with a plastic toy instead of a real gun with live ammo. [Technology Review
via KurzweilAI]

That's why we need this WeRobot shirt, featuring 51 silhouettes of the world's most famous robots. The only thing they're missing are the names, which is exactly what the comments and your wasted Friday at work are for. [product via botjunkie]

Actually: These might make a good last resort, but the chemical toe warmers are a better bargain than buying a new pair of D cells every 6 hours. And let's not forget, warming the torso with proper layering, etc, warms the extremities. [REI and the Giz Reader Meetup, thanks to Adam for being the leg model]