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Chris Jacob
Opinionated toast snob here. While this piece is pretty to look at and it probably does a very decent job it's completely inadequate. Quite simply, toasters of today suck. A real toaster is clad in chrome plated steel and weighs 8 pounds at the very least. My everyday toaster is an institutional grade Toastmaster that is the pinnacle of toasting. It is perfect in every way and has been since the day I bought it at a garage sale 15 years ago. I just wish there was a counter to let me know how many toasting cycles it has been through.
Of course I'm shitfaced and silly right now. Why else would I be rambling on about my toaster at this hour on Christmas? Thanks for the Irish whiskey, my old friend.
@BobFraggle: I'm still sad my parents sold my grandmother's chrome toaster that has served failthully for at least 30 years at the time of sale (2000). They don't make 'em like they used to.
I hate microwave smores. I tried it once, they're too gooey. The chocolate shouldn't be all dripping over you. The marshmello should be the only gooey thing, that's why doing it at a campfire comes out right. Unless you build the whole thing and stick it all on a stick, but that's crazy talk.
So now when the kids come home from school, they can sit in front of the TV for an hour - have a micro-smore; then play PS3 for 2 hours - have another micro-smore; not eat dinner because they're already full and then crash from all the sugar and go to bed all without every cracking the books...America FUCK YEAH!!!!"...
@TonyWonder: Well all of that sounds wayyy better than sitting at work. I wish there was a USB S'mores. I could have a s'more factory right on my desktop. Mmmmm.
@valkilmerisawful: Yeah but once you introduce the usb S'mores machine you need to wash it down with a cold beer, and while its cooking you gotta stream some porn...the whole thing is just dangerous...
When a product like this shows up, I think of all the people who must have been involved; the inventor, the investor, the company that did the production of the TV spot, the manfacturer... any one of them could have just said "this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen" at any time, yet no one did. Then again, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the average American, so I guess even if someone had, everyone would have just cheered and known they had a real hit on their hands.
@weatherman: There is no inventor, no investors, manufacturing, or advertising firm. This is surely a product divined upon us from the heavens. It is the Alpha and Omega, it has always been there, but just out of reach to mere mortals. Through great faith and no small amount of miracle, the Micro S'more, has willed that we are ready to accept it's sumptuous gift of perfectly edible, microwaved (with no burning!) s'mores.
12/25/09
12/25/09
Of course I'm shitfaced and silly right now. Why else would I be rambling on about my toaster at this hour on Christmas? Thanks for the Irish whiskey, my old friend.
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What should it be called? Chopstraw?
Strawstick? or chopstrawstick?
12/18/09
12/18/09
of course you know that also could have other meanings.
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Actually, that's quite entertaining...
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12/14/09
Me: Zero.
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Making real s'mores at home is already cheap and easy. Just buy a can of sterno and some cheap fondue forks.
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Are you implying there is something wrong with the story you just described?
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