Gizmodo: coffin

Coffin Couch Helps the Non-Dead Resemble the Undead

Mark Wilson — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:44:10 EDT

If Buffy, Twilight, Trueblood and the collective Anne Rice novels have taught us anything, it's that women dig vampires. To exploit the phenomenon, stay out of the sun and buy this couch.

The Coffin Couch, priced at a moderate $3,500, is the absolute most practical way to pretend that you sleep in the box of a dead man. While she'll appreciate seeing your reanimated body sleep lifelessly in its eternal non-slumber, you'll enjoy the foam and metal spring cushion that can be upholstered in purple, red, or black. Don't seduce vampire fetishists just to let your back go to shit. Invest in the quality tools necessary to complete the job.

Also, be sure to pick up lots of cherry Kool-Aid. If she points out that it's thin, just say that you drink skim to watch your figure. [Etsy via boingboing]

Shelves for Life: Even Death Won't Do You Part

Andi Wang — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:20:13 EDT

Designed to make "stronger emotional relationships with our belongings," Shelves for Life is a bookcase-slash-coffin that holds your personal possessions in life and your person—corpse—in death.

These plywood, floor-standing shelves are meant to be self-assembled, which makes us wonder: How can you reassemble your shelf to resemble your coffin if you're already dead? Ideal for psychics and vampires only, if you're mortal and boring, make sure your will specifically states that the shelf is to go with you—not for $5 at a garage sale. [Shelves for Life via Like Cool]

Star Trek Coffin Warps Your Corpse To the Final Nerd Frontier

Brian Lam — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 14:33:43 EDT

Eternal Image, makers of afterlife geek vessels, released a near final design of their Star Trek casket based on the "Photon Torpedo" design from STII: Wrath of Khan. The piano black coffin is complete with Federation insignia on the inside, and handles for when the ensigns load your geek corpse into the airlock. [Eternal Image via Geekologie, Star Trek Urn]

Crazy Coffins Get You Six Feet Awesomer

kevinhall2 — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 14:16:30 EDT

Instead of stuffing your lifeless body in a boring old box, why not get buried in a giant guitar? 160-year-old Vic Fearn and Company, based in the United Kingdom, has created an art gallery dubbed Crazy Coffins. The caskets are for people from all walks of life, including skateboarders and skiers, a building contractor who wants to be buried in a big yellow dumpster and a woman who'd like to get stuffed into an oversized egg. Check them out. [Crazy Coffins]

Russian Coffin Buries You with Panic Button

Louis Ramirez — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 10:06:40 EST

Ever since we saw The Serpent and the Rainbow as a little kid, we've had this unnatural fear of being buried alive. Well, a Russian inventor by the name of Vitaly Malyukov must have watched the same movie cause he's designed a casket with a built-in panic button that lets you contact the living in case your quack of a doctor accidentally pronounced you dead. Pushing the panic button (which glows in the dark) alerts the cemetery caretaker who can then dig you back up (after they return from their lunch break, of course). So in the end you'll wind up dead one way or another. No word on pricing or availability. – Louis Ramirez

Alarm Coffin [via Sci Fi Tech via New Launches]

Casket Furniture Eternaltainment Center

gizmodo.com — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 19:15:25 EDT

If the Uono Cocoon Coffin we wrote about earlier today is too fancy for your tastes, or spending thousand of dollars on something you'll only use once seems rather extravagant, we've found a company that understands:

Why buy a casket for just one day? At CasketFurniture.com, our products can last you a lifetime, and still be the perfect vehicle to carry you to the great beyond. Whether it's a couch, shelf, or end table, our products are designed to blend effortlessly into most contemporary interior designs. Every product can also be transformed into a high-quality casket at your time of need.

The Quaker-esque Rayonnant Eternaltainment Center pictured here will run you a mere $4495, although if you'd like it made of fancier woods you can spend up to $2550 more. They say it will dissassemble quickly when you need a final resting place, and after the casket is removed you can slide the remaining shelves together and use them "for years to come".

If your tastes are more modern, or you'd like to have caskets for both yourself and your spouse, the Laon-Reims Eternaltainment Center starts out at an even more affordable $3995. Those of you who already have entertainment centers, don't fret—they've got pool tables, coffee tables, book shelves and even a sofa to serve your needs!

Casket Furniture