Ok, maybe the part about this commercial being catchy isn't such a great thing. Excuse me while I crawl back under a rock where I'm safe from things like this seasonal torture. [Thanks, OMG! Ponies!]

Maybe I'm just so enamored with this commercial because my home smells of freshly baking cookies or maybe it's a general adoration for alternate versions of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but I just think it's a lovely Christmas greeting from Apple. Even if the voiceover guy doesn't really sing. [TUAW]

Droid Does

Verizon's Droid commercials haven't been around very long, but I already keep seeing various combination of "iDon't" and "Droid does" being incorporated into everything from tweets to articles. (Hell, even we couldn't resist it once or twice.)

I can sort of forgive occurrences of the tagline slipping into reviews or posts about the actual gadget, but several days ago I found myself overhearing a fellow practically reciting the first Droid commercial to mock his buddy's iPhone preference. I seriously hope that I was in some sort of bizarro coffee shop or that maybe this guy was just an oddity. Please just skip this tagline, because I assure you: That guy sounded like a complete asshole.

There's an App for That

C'mon. Be honest. How often have you slipped this gem of a tagline into a comment? And how often have you groaned or rolled your eyes because you saw someone else remark that there is in fact an app for that? It was barely funny the first few times, but at this point even your grandma is using it and that oughta tell you something.

And no, changing a word doesn't make you sound like less of an asshole.

Think Different

Once upon a time, Apple's "Think Different" commercial made me smile at its cleverness. Then I saw the commercial a second time and I cringed. It's actually kinda cheesy and the tagline isn't much better. No matter what the concept behind it is, it basically feels like it's a nicely cut down version of the trite and overused "think outside of the box" and hearing it used feels just as irritating.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Unless you're genuinely wondering if the person you're talking to can hear you, there's no way to not sound like an asshole when using the "Can you hear me now?" tagline. Not even in an ironic look-at-me-I'm-so-cool-that-I-can-say-this-to-mock-it way.

Besides, while I'm certain that he's a nice fellow, do you really want to associate yourself with the slightly dorky-looking Verizon Guy?

It Keeps Going, and Going, and Going...

Last weekend I asked a friend how her date went. She remarked that he was like an Energizer bunny. And, as she thought I was confused by the expression, she continued to explain that he "kept going, and going, and going..." and it took me quite some willpower to not break down in tears on the spot. Someone so clever and lovely insisted on using a reference and a tagline so incredibly cliched that I'd initially thought I'd heard wrong. Please. Think of a better description for these things. (Especially since it's probably inaccurate in that scenario since hardly gentlemen really manage to keep up with that darned bunny rabbit.)

Where Do You Want to Go Today?

Oh, as much as Microsoft's good old "where do you want to go today?" annoys me, I actually crave to hear it sometimes. Such as in place of that grunt and nod I get from cab drivers. As with the "can you hear me now?" tagline, this one should only be used when you mean it literally and aren't attempting to make an allusion to the commercial.

Intel Inside

I've seen "baby inside," "beauty inside," "goddess inside," "whiskey inside," and who-knows-what-else inside tshirts, bumper stickers, and undies. Unless I'm seriously mistaken, those are spin-offs to the ancient "Intel inside" and they're not exactly funny anymore. I doubt that anyone can show me a single example of play on that tagline that won't make me roll my eyes (but feel free to try). In the meantime: Let's just not add to the ridiculousness.

I like these a lot more, even though I'll admit they're sort of generic. The Droid is a damned impressive device—merely listing its attributes should be enough to sell the thing. On the other hand, I wouldn't be writing about this ad if it weren't so different than the American one, since it's not nearly as powerful or controversial. I guess you win this one, advertisers. [Pocket Lint via Engadget]

I guess with that price, odds are that it's probably the kitchen tool. Geez. Talk about a tease after all those borderline-NSFW puns.

With these two ads, Tarantino joins a long line of U.S. celebrities who have flown across the Pacific to do zany Japanese commercials. If you'll recall, Brad Pitt did a few Softbank spots not too long ago too. This one though, by far, is the most bat shit insane of them all. [CNET]

Sprint isn't giving in to the request and is proceeding to argue independent test results. I quite frankly don't care whether they give in, keep the claim, or change it to say that they're the best thing since sliced bread. I just want reliable service and calls that actually go through. [Electronista]

Does Luke Wilson armed with some magnets beat the punch of Verizon's catchy slogan?

U.S. District Court Judge Timothy Batten Sr remarked that people might "misunderstand" the commercials, "but that doesn't mean they're misleading." He continued to add that "most people who are watching TV are semi-catatonic" to begin with. Let's hope his train of thought remains during the follow-up hearing on December 16, because the case is starting to lose any entertainment value. [AJC via Engadget]

This is the first part of the ad. The second half for their Satellite T Series ULV laptops will come out next year. [Toshiba UK via Engadget]

Facts about the shoot:

• The shots were taken at a staggering 98,268 feet above the earth using Toshiba's own cameras
• To reach the altitude required and to conform with Federal Aviation Administration regulations, the weight of the rig had to be carefully managed to a weight of no more than four pounds
• Tied to the rig was a specially created full-sized model chair made of biodegradable balsa wood – the chair was made by a company called Artem and cost about £2,500
• Launch coordinates of the rig were - 119 degrees, 14 minutes by 40 degrees, 48 minute (12 miles North-East of the town of Gerlach, Nevada)
• The quality of the footage from the Toshiba IK-HR1S cameras was: 1920x1080 pixel count; 1080i @ 50hz; 100 Mbps
• The temperature dropped to minus 90 degrees when the chair reached 52,037 feet
• The chair took 83 minutes to reach an altitude of 98,268 feet where it broke and took just 24 minutes to fall back down to earth with the rig.

If you don't feel like watching the whole ad, jump to about 1:50. It's where the truth is revealed. It's also the moment when I began to daydream about the days when ads actually showed the product for more than a few seconds. [Thanks, GitEmSteveDave!]

I just really need to know whether the voice over guy or the girl with the measuring tape are included with the purchase or sold separately.

Aw, that description of stuff in the episode makes me almost not really sad about missing a joke about Windows 7 making it easier to insert tampons for deaf people during the Holocaust. Shucks. [Variety via Raw Feed]

Maybe this might finally shake my nightmares of that freaky Sony devil baby.

Sony's corp-speak for its campaign is "It Does Everything". Yeah, it's got Blu-ray and Wi-Fi—but as Adam noted yesterday—it all depends on your setup. And anyway, the games are what's important. See: PS3 Slim Vs. Xbox 360 Elite Hardware: Pretty Cut and Dry. [Sony]

I guess there are only so many ways you can sell a phone, but that's pretty damn similar. And if mimicry is the best form of flattery... [Pre Thinking]

UPDATE: Looks like there was a late entry to our list of current top spokesassholes: Miss Julia Allison has just signed a yearlong deal to peddle Sony's wares. About time that her attention-whoring went global! [Sony Insider via Gawker]

Thanks, Rob B. for the inspiration!

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Back and Worse Than Ever

Some of us were near tears when T-Mobile decided to drop Zeta-Jones as their official spokesasshole, but the good news is that she's back. The bad news is that as soon as we heard her nerve-grinding accent, we remembered that those were tears of joy.

Sir Richard Branson, Kind-Hearted Snob

It was difficult to deem Sir Richard Branson as a spokesasshole. He is such a nice man and only wants innovative technology to reach those from "all walks of life"—assuming that they make $40 million annually, of course.

Laptop Hunters Lauren, Giampaolo and Lisa

Lisa, Lauren, and Giampaolo are the biggest spokesassholes in the Laptop Hunters commercials. Lisa shatters eardrums with her exclamation of "WhaaaaAAAAaat?!?!", Lauren followed the ads up with claims that they were unscripted, and Giampaolo is just plain smarmy.

Acer Timeline's Metrosexual Model

It isn't the first time Acer has made questionable advertising decisions, but did they really have to hire Giampaolo's brother to model for the Acer Timeline?

Maybe one day he'll button up the shirt and put on some sunglasses that don't look like they're his girlfriend's. I hope he didn't quit his day job (waiter? male prostitute?) when he landed this gig, because it won't last long.

Verizon Probably Only Merged With Alltel To Get Rid of Chad

Verizon and Alltel may have merged, but we've still seen Chad's picture looming around Alltel's website. With his spiky blonde hair, laid back walk, and inability to take a hint, he's a true menagerie of what this gallery represents.

Wes Moss? Why, Microsoft? Why?

Zune Spokesasshole Wes Moss nearly broke our douche point scale. If you can stand watching this Zune spot, after those Laptop Hunter ads, you'll see why.

Jimmy Iovine and Dr. Dre's Monster Mess

Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine are two ridiculously wealthy guys who decide, in their spare time, to become even more wealthy by peddling some overpriced headphones. Even if you ignore the fact that they're distributed by Monster, and even if you admit that the headphones aren't that bad—there's no way the duo can't escape the spokesasshole brand.

Photo by jakeludington

Hi, I'm Justin Long, Spokesasshole Extraordinaire

It's not much of a secret that some of us here are Apple fans, but not even that stopped us from pronouncing Apple's "I'm a Mac" guy and his smug attitude and thinly veiled disdain for PC as spokesasshole material.

Tamara Hope in the Return of the Stoner Commercials

The Palm Pre commercials started off terribly and only got worse until we stepped in with a remix. Though since it seems that Palm was really giving a nod to Ellen Feiss of Mac Switcher fame with these creepy "What is she on and where can I get some?" commercials, we'll only rate actress Tamara Hope as half a spokesasshole.

Michael "AWESOME" Bay and Verizon FiOS

We can forgive Michael Bay for not sharing video footage of Megan Fox washing his car, since he at least had her show a bit of skin in Transformers 2. What we can't forgive him for his display of spokesassholery in this pitch for Verizon FiOS. By the fifth "AWESOME!" things turn from funny to "Please walk into the next exploding building, Michael."

Ashton Kutcher, Nikon's Smooth Operator

You've got to hand it to Kutcher. The man with a million Twitter sheep has risen from underwear model to annoying spokesasshole and GI Jane toy-boy. Though we can't help but see Kelso every time he's fumbling around on screen.

Jason insists they're slaves. Regardless, there's a lot of fancy movement going on. The orange-clad gurus are all arranged in concentric circles, referencing the Pre's ripple effect whenever you touch the screen. All of this is capped off by plenty of Palm Pre glamour shots and the indentured servants moving around to form fancy patterns (not unlike Nintendo's 1989 ad for Super Mario 3).

To be fair, the visuals in the ad are actually pretty neat, even if a bit self-important. It's also hard for me to criticize anything that uses M83's "Lower Your Eyelids To Die With The Sun" as the soundtrack. So Palm, I'll give you a B+ for your commercial. [Facebook]

Here's a sample of the nearly two full pages of micro-font dickitude in the ad:

To remove unneeded bloatware first open uninstaller, select applications to remove, and uninstall. To remove optional components, click start, go to all programs and open control panel, select remove components, select components you want to remove, select next, when done, select finish. Once initial prep is complete, PCs may then be easy to use under certain controlled conditions and when properly maintained. In order for PCs to achieve optimal performance on a regular basis and for long periods of time, routine maintenance should include (but is not limited to) the following: download and install updated anti-virus software, run anti-virus software, check for system updates, clean out registry, defragment hard drive, free up disk space, remove temporary Internet files, empty the recycle bin, remove unnecessary programs, run error check utility and fix file system errors.

Ready the salvos, the Mac vs. PC war just got hot again and it's only going to get steamier. [MacJournals via Macworld]

"Time Traveler" - During which the PC character goes to the year 2150 to see if PCs have become any less error-prone.

"Stacks" - PC is having trouble finding people's faces in his huge photo stacks, so Mac pimps the new facial recognition software contained in iPhoto. This is an obvious shot across the bow of that cute little girl who showed us how "easy" it was to do photo editing on a PC.

"Legal Copy" - PC wants us to believe he's easy to use, but the lawyers say otherwise.

"Biohazard Suit" - Can you say Conficker?

Apple has obviously decided to respond to Microsoft's "un-commercials" with the tried and true "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" formula, and why the heck not, really. It's ten times better than their catty initial response the other day, and the commercials are, at the very least, incredibly popular.

To be honest, I would have liked to have seen a Lauren cameo or parody of some kind, only because she's actually on my TV right now as I type this. Hi, Lauren. [Apple]