The tale behind the auction is that somehow, out of the 100,000 condoms distributed during the Olympics, one guy managed to get 5,000. I guess at some point it sunk in that if he hasn't used a single one by now, he never will. But hey, his loss could be your pile of probably expired condoms. Let's call it the non-gadget deal of the day. [Sports Rubbish]

Click here to download the fit kit in PDF format

Believe it or not, using a condom that is not suited for your penis increases the possibilities of breakage and slippage, which in turn increases the possibility of sexually transmitted infections, or unwanted pregnancies. Even while they know this—as have been discovered in various studies—the FDA doesn't allow for condoms that are longer, shorter, thinner, or thicker than the average. That's bad—not to mention effing annoying.

In Europe, however, men will be able to print out this measuring tool, and order exactly the size they need. Hopefully, someone will bring these TheyFit condoms to the US. For now, however, all you can do is print and play.

And yes, I measured it. Yes, that's an invitation for you to the same and post your size. No lies or fishing tales. I will start: N21—aaaalmost 22. [Theyfit—Thanks Debby]

Over a period of 7 years, broken condoms returned to a supplier (SSL, Durex) via consumer complaints were examined to determine the cause of failure. Also, some consumers who reported breakage but did not return condoms were sent a questionnaire on the causes of breakage. Finally, theories proposed for the mechanism of breakage were investigated on a laboratory coital model. RESULTS: Nearly 1000 (n=972) returned condoms made from natural rubber and polyurethane were examined. Visible features on those that were broken, were classified. Evidence combined from examining returns, questionnaire responses and the coital model strongly suggests a single predominant mechanism of failure we named "blunt puncture," where the tip of the thrusting male penis progressively stretches one part of the intact condom wall until it ultimately breaks.

Wait just a goddamned minute. People mail in their broken condoms?! What in the holy fuck? I'm as big a fan of providing feedback to manufacturers when products don't work as advertised, but that's downright disgusting. [NCBI ROFL via io9]

OK, it's not. This is the Pūrleve, described by the manufacturer as a hygienic door handle.

As someone who has mastered the art of opening and closing toilet doors without touching the doorknob, I've to admit that the idea of the Pūrleve is a good one: Every time someone uses it, a mechanism will cover the handle with an "antimicrobial-treaded sleeve." In other words: A doorknob condom.

As the company puts it:

Pūrleve reduces the amount of disease-causing germs and bacteria, helping in the global fight against germ cross-contamination.

Yes, yet another product that appeals to the global paranoia about infections and our hysteric need to sterilize the world. As far as I'm concerned, I just think that bathroom doorknobs are gross. [Purleve via Core77]

Yes, Wacky Rubbers! Nothing instills confidence in the ability of a condom to prevent pregnancy and STDs like having a face painted on it and lights built into it.

Not only that, but these things are shaped as well. Ears, hats, stars — each of them has a definitely non-penile shape to it that makes very little sense to me. I'm not sure if it'd be better or worse if they accurately retained their shape while in use. Probably worse.

Overall, these things look like craft projects from a 2nd grade class taught by Dr. Ruth. They're pretty fun, but I can't imagine they've ever been uses as intended. Yet. Just wait 'til my order of bull-shaped condoms that play Camptown Races and light up arrive. [Wacky Rubbers via The Daily What]

Nope, probably not. [Topless Robot via The Daily What]

Yes, like its predecesor, this is equally as stupid, but at least it can now be unlocked. [DeviantArt—Thanks Jordan]

[Yanko Design via TechEBlog]

In the end, the 98 ft. condom rope managed to hold him, which is actually not all that surprising when you consider that standards for condom tensile strength usually require that it be able able to stretch to at least 650% of its original length. So, it appears that Dionisio will live to devise yet another stupid method of putting his life on the line (how about a second attempt with lubricated condoms?). The only question I have is what brand did he use? That would make for one hell of a commercial. [Metro]

To me, it looks like an alien hockey puck, or maybe a massive, smoothed out sweet tart. But here's the actual idea:

Reminiscent of a condom shape warped into the surface of one's leather wallet, the NYC Condom's approachable shape and friendly brand helps create an air of openness and acceptance, thus removing the stigma of the condom as something to be ashamed off.

(No, this is not that crappy Ukranian knockoff.) Yes, Paul Lyons can proudly tell the world he owns a patent for "a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer which plays a melody or voiced message when during intercourse the contacts of the sound-playing unit are closed and the transducer is activated." It's all about free love—you can record whatever music or sound you want, be it "Danger Zone" or "Thriller." I shudder at the possibilities.

Amazingly, it's never actually been produced. Idolator brings this gadget abortion back into the spotlight because they actually want this thing to happen probably because they're all depressed over there, awaiting the arrival of the Four Horsemen.

Sigh, so I kind of have to ask as much as every atom of my being is telling me not to: What would your (or your partner's) cocktone be if this small gateway to hell landed on your nightstand? Goddamnit. [Inventor Spot via Idolator]

The case is a centimeter thick, and slides open like a a cellphone with the rubber ready to go, preventing drunken Knocked Up moments. The packaging setup's aesthetically well-endowed too, with a ring of condoms surrounding the case, which looks sorta like if Apple designed contraceptives. On other hand, most Apple products now come with color options other than white, and the limited palette's a downer. Where's the neon? [Yanko Design]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

The condom contains a small amount of gel called Zanifil that dilates the arteries and increases blood flow to the penis, giving the wearer a firmness, increase in size and longevity that isn't needed at all, because you were just trying it out to see if made any difference, right? What I want to know is, what the hell are they going to call it? Suggestions below, please.[Futura Medical]

After all, don't we all smell like tobacco after a good night of partying anyway? I always considered that odoriferous menthol coating on your skin to be free with the purchase of enough drinks—a sort of invisible car freshener for your body, or 25-cent bowling bathroom cologne without the need for spare change.

I remember when taking a girl to a bar and getting her drunk used to mean something—and condoms were something you just pretended to wear. But give me a tobacco AND tequila AND rufie flavored condom...and that's a complete night on the town. [hindlatex via theregister]

The substance coats the walls of the vagina when it's warmed to body temperature, and when it comes in contact with the increased alkalinity of semen, it becomes a gel and releases anti-HIV drugs. That's some versatile stuff; it can readily change states like water but needs an even narrower temperature range to do so.

It'll be a while before we see this technology in action, where scientists are saying it's five years away from the testing phase and then it'll be 10 years from now before it finds its way into the bedroom, or the back seat. – Charlie White

Vagina's Molecular Armor [medGadget]

Product Page (in German) [Vinico]