This poor guy was a Verizon customer for seven years, dutifully paying his bills on time, until he decided it was time to upgrade to a faster plan than the one he had. His neighbor had that faster plan, and when he checked his address online, Verizon's site told him the upgrade was available. But when he tried to make that upgrade...well, it didn't go quite as planned.

The summary? Seven phone calls, 1 hour and 42 minutes between 11:50am and 12:42pm. What did that earn me? Absolutely nothing but utter frustration and torture.

Each of the seven reps told him something totally different, from "that's not available at your address" to "that's not available for an upgrade" to "that's only available online"—and four more. But the best one has to be the last.

I directly asked "why is it I can open a new account with 7MB but I cannot order it as an existing customer?". Her response: "your home cannot handle the 7MB speed. If I put in the order for 7MB, it will burn your house down".

The upgrade will burn your house down. That has to take the cake as one of the craziest things ever said by an ISP rep. Needless to say, Michael is no longer a Verizon customer. [Consumerist]

Newegg's response:

Some of you may have noticed a few sites calling out the negative keywords in the tag cloud we have in this forum. (Gizmodo, Reddit, Huffington Post)

This was a conscious decision made when we launched EggXpert and fully encouraged as stated in this announcement post made back in April of 2007.

Shopping EggXperience was created as another way for our customers to seek help. Although we strive to provide the best experience possible, we hope that by helping to resolved each issue that arrives, everyone can see that we care about you and will try to go the extra mile if we can.

Thanks everyone for your time and keep the feedback coming ... good or bad!

P.S. If you want to see the positive, check out our testimonials (31,000+ and counting)

So, this will remain, as a funny thing, forever. Reddit]

As supplied to us by AT&T, the much more flattering "inspiration" for the prank:

[13:14:24]
Darlene: I apologize for the problem. Please contact an AT&T Wireless representative at 1.800.331.0500. Unfortunately I do no have access to that service.

[13:15:15]
robert XX: i'll just jump off a bridge.

[13:17:15]
Darlene: I'll be right with you.

[13:17:39]
robert XX: lol

[13:18:46]
Darlene: I apologize. They will be happy to assist you at that number.

[13:27:38]
Darlene: It has been my goal to provide you with OUTSTANDING service and that you are VERY SATISFIED with the way I've handled your request. In addition to the survey link at the end of this chat, you may receive a call asking about the level of service I have provided. I hope that you are VERY SATISFIED with my service today. Thank you for choosing AT&T!

[13:35:06]
Darlene: Thank you for contacting AT&T. Please use the CLOSE button when you are ready to exit our chat session.

[13:49:37]
Darlene: I haven't heard from you in awhile. Do you wish to continue this chat?

[13:56:58]
Darlene: I am ending this chat session since I have not heard from you. If you wish to chat with AT&T again, please open a new chat session. We look forward to serving your needs now and in the future.

[13:57:13]
info: Thank you for chatting with us. Please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window to tell us how we did today.

[Digg via Consumerist]

The call sounded painful from across the house. The first 10 minutes, it was clear she was talking to a robot. Then it was clear she was either talking to someone very stupid or someone very unfamiliar with English as she kept repeating "no, I just want to know if I can swap out my 6 cell battery for a 3 cell battery." She must have said it 50 times over 90 minutes. Someone even admitted to trying to make a commission off of her by selling her a new battery. That battery would have cost half of the price of a brand new netbook. In the end, customer service didn't do anything to help her. It's been years since I've needed customer service, so maybe everyone PC company is this bad now, but I hope not. If you have any horror/pleasantly surprising stories of your own, please let me know in the comments. [Boingboing, image from preemo at deviant art]

Last week I called Dell Technical Support about my Dell Studio 1537 Laptop and a DVD drive which was making loud noises and ejecting all cds. I had the basic "mail-in" warranty which required I ship them the laptop back. After my phone conversation with overseas tech support I received an empty box with a prepaid packing slip to mail the laptop back. A couple days ago I received both an automated email and phone call that my laptop was coming back to me. This morning, Fedex delivered a refurbished hard drive - yes just a hard drive.

I began my calling spree this morning and spoke to 7, yes 7, different Dell reps who transferred me between technical support, customer service, and back to technical support. After about 90 minutes of phone calls, hold music, and redialing I'm stuck with a 250gb hard drive but no laptop. Who do I call for help?

Oh, so he expected the whole computer to come back to him. I see. Perhaps this is some sort of new "you'll get a hard drive and like it" approach to customer support Dell is trying out. I don't see it working. Incidentally, Consumerist suggests sending emails to michael@dell.com in situations like this. Apparently, the messages are routed to an executive relations team that has been helpful in the past. [Consumerist Image via 60 in 3]

An exasperated tipster who just spent some quality time on the phone with an equally exasperated T-Mobile rep told us what he was offered:

• I'm released from the contract if I want (Yeesh, of course I better be. I can't believe I had to ask).
• I can get a G1 for $129 (not sure if that's the normal contract renewal pricing or not; doesn't sound like a great deal to me).
• They also suggested Blackberries etc, but I didn't get the pricing (since those are design disasters compared to SK or iPhone).

So to break it down, your options are to accept about $20 off of a G1, which you, an avid Sidekick user, probably didn't want anyway, move onto a BlackBerry (?), or to leave. Sidekick users are a dedicated bunch—there's a good chance they came to T-Mobile just to use a particular Danger handset—so I wouldn't be surprised if people take that last offer pretty seriously.

I also wouldn't be surprised to see some kind of official announcement from T-Mobile regarding how they plan on dealing with their angry mass of Sidekick subscribers, but it'll be interesting to see how this shakes out: Remember, even though these people all bought their phones and service From T-Mo, and therefore expect to be helped by their carrier, the actual data loss was Danger's (read: Microsoft's) fault. It's already clear that T-Mobile' is going to bear the brunt of the angry mob, but aside from getting very sternly talked to by their carrier partners, is Microsoft going to get out of this scot-free? —Thanks, guy!

It's not especially strange for a company to renege on an unannounced offer or a minor typo, but that's not quite what this was. It was an offer couched in specific, deliberate language, and that was featured it two full, publicly-available information pages. In other words, it had been devised and considered—this wasn't a data input mistake.

That said, the fact that it only applied to new subscribers would've caused a PR problem for Sprint, who would be effectively penalizing their most loyal (read: preexisting) customers with the offer. And the two conflicting listed end dates did seem to indicate that maybe it wasn't fully baked. Since the deal was listed on their website, Sprint says they'll honor the service rebate to anyone who signed up for a contract in the last few hours, but after that, it's closed. But hey, at least they're thinking about $100 Pres, right? Right?

Sorry Sprint, I've got nothin' for you. [AllThingsD]

On the pre-order page, Verizon notes that, "Pre–orders not available for upgrade orders at this time." So if you're stuck with a years-old Curve 8330 or Pearl and want at least a current-gen BlackBerry, you'd better hope you've finished your contract. Even if you're eligible to upgrade to every other phone Verizon offers, you'll be blocked from nabbing the Tour. Oddly-named Verizon customer service agent "Markelvus" confirmed that the only Verizon customers allowed to pre-order the Tour are those whose contracts are completed.

Even stranger, Verizon customer service rep "Alexis" (who refused to provide me with her last name) stated that existing contract customers may not even be allowed to upgrade to the Tour when it's released. She said that such customers will be notified when upgrades are available, but that she does not know when that may be, and it could be well after the phone's July 13th release date.

She said, and I quote, "There is not a clear explanation on why existing customers are not able to order this device now. I am not sure when you are able to order it."

Those mid-contract upgrades cost Verizon money, so on kind of a cold, reptilian level, we understand the reason for the rule. But there's also a little thing called "not screwing your customers," and Verizon seems to have a tough time grasping that one. The Tour will be the most desirable phone in Verizon's lineup upon its release (and while we like the Tour okay, it's definitely not in the same league as the Pre, iPhone, or Hero), and yet they're keeping their contracted customers from ordering only this one device.

Sorry, Verizon customers. We feel your pain, we really do. We're getting tired of applauding Verizon's network while bashing absolutely everything else they do. At what point is staying with the Big Red no longer worth the hassle?

He purchased the "MacBook Pro" at a Best Buy in Texas, and the retailer is citing the problem as Apple's responsibility rather than its own. The box was apparently sealed with the brick (a paving stone, really, but I've already eked two jokes out of calling it a brick and I refuse to let that kind of thing pass me by) inside, which does seem like it would be a bizarre screwup on Apple's end. Ryan hasn't gotten the mess sorted out with his credit card company, Best Buy, or Apple, but this is so ridiculous somebody's bound to refund his money. [Consumerist]

After explaining to the carrier how outrageous that is, he was made an offer: They'd knock the bill down to what it cost them in bandwidth. Unfortunately for Alberto, they claimed their cost was still $17,000.

Alberto called in to one of those cable news network shows about money where the host wears headphones and yells at the viewer for half an hour and neglected to mention the carrier's name, but we can't see any way a 700MB file would cost $17,000 in bandwidth fees. There's a lesson in all this: If you're going abroad, buy a roaming plan. Or at least tell us the name of the carrier so we can complain more effectively. [CNN via Ars Technica]

From Redmond, via Kotaku:

While the majority of Xbox 360 owners continue to have a great experience with their console, we are aware that a very small percentage of our customers have reported receiving an error that displays "E74" on their screen. After investigating the issue, we have determined that the E74 error message can indicate the general hardware failure that is associated with three flashing red lights error on the console. As a result, we have decided to cover repairs related to the E74 error message under our three-year warranty program for certain general hardware failures that was announced in July 2007.

Apparently the program will also reimburse anyone who previously paid for E74 repairs. Having to address another hardware fiasco may further solidify the Xbox 360's reputation as a comically goof-prone console, but at least Microsoft is doing their users right on this one. [Kotaku]

Instead of the nice, new Western Digital VelociRaptor he ordered, Jon received an ancient 30GB Quantum Fireball, a product discontinued by Maxtor nine years ago. Best Buy told Jon that WD must have packaged the oddball drive, and he should take it up with them. He stayed in the store and was shunted back and forth between Western Digital's and Best Buy's customer service lines, with nobody willing to refund his $225. Said Jon:

Finally, I spoke to a third-level Customer Service rep, who told me nothing could be done since 'it is Western Digital's responsibility', however the best he could do would be to offer me a gift card for half the value of the drive (the total purchase price was $225). I told him this was unacceptable, and that all I wanted was either the actual drive I had (tried) to purchase, or a refund so I could buy it elsewhere. He told me that was 'not going to happen'. I told him that Best Buy was, in effect, stealing my money, to which he replied 'yep, that's basically right'. I told "John" that I would be filing a police report and pursuing help from my credit card company, and left.

He's currently working through his credit card company to get his money back, but it's looking like he might have to take Best Buy to small claims court (!).

Best Buy has been known in the past to package clearly used, bizarre items as new, but this is taking it to a whole new level of abhorrent customer service. [Consumerist]

This customer bought a supposedly new DVD player from Best Buy, and when he came home, he found not only that the product was used, but that the proof was a DVD left in the drive with the not-even-trying-to-be-clever name of Buckets O' Cum. It's pretty shady tactics for the retailer to be repackaging returned products for full price, and it shouldn't be acceptable. But if you're going to screw up and leave the smoking gun, so to speak, in the product, it might as well be something that'll bring a few giggles to the customer you're taking advantage of. So to speak. [Consumerist, very NSFW photo here]

After a quick call to the Smalldog customer service, and a laughing at by the representative, Sean had a replacement on the way. Check out the entire story over at the Consumerist. – Travis Hudson

No iPod, Soap! [Consumerist]

Some careless bloke left his Nintendo DS Lite lying around where the dog could get his mouth on it, chewing it to the mangled state you see here. If the guy would have gotten himself a pet-shocking torture device such as this, his DS Lite would still be intact.

Calling Nintendo customer service, the hapless hound owner discovered that the company was gracious enough to charge him just $50 to repair it, which will probably amount to a full replacement. Imagine that—a new unit for a third of the retail price. If only all customer service operated this way. – Charlie White

Bad Dog! [Jacobian, via Kotaku]