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Crutch Vader Avoids Jail, Dark Side Wins Again

District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a "suspended 12 months" jail sentence plus an order to pay $500 to the "victims"—two morons members of the Jedi Church of England—and their lawyer. This means that Sir Lord Vader Von Drunk—real name Arwel Wynn Hughes—will avoid jail. Quite frankly, after seeing the … » 5/13/08 10:13am 5/13/08 10:13am

Darth Vader Given Arrest Warrant, Pleads Guilty to Assault

After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later, pleading… » 4/24/08 12:00pm 4/24/08 12:00pm

Darth Vader Kicks Jedi Master's Ass With Crutch

A drunk guy dressed as Darth Vader, wielding a metal crutch, and probably making sounds like *swwoooshh* and *pew*pew*, assaulted and effectively kicked the ass of the founder of the first Jedi Church of England. The dork, a hairdresser called Barney Jones whose Jedi name is Master Hehol, was beaten down in his garden… » 3/29/08 6:30pm 3/29/08 6:30pm