Crutch Vader Avoids Jail, Dark Side Wins Again
District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a "suspended 12 months" jail sentence plus an order to pay $500 to the "victims"—two
District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a "suspended 12 months" jail sentence plus an order to pay $500 to the "victims"—two
After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later, pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court found that the events weren't exactly as we were initially told: the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously imagined.
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A drunk guy dressed as Darth Vader, wielding a metal crutch, and probably making sounds like *swwoooshh* and *pew*pew*, assaulted and effectively kicked the ass of the founder of the first Jedi Church of England. The dork, a hairdresser called Barney Jones whose Jedi name is Master Hehol, was beaten down in his garden by the anonymous Vader while he was being interviewed for a documentary. Really. We mean this. The Jedi actually had this to say after the assault:
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