Gizmodo: do not want

Wisdom Button is a Candidate for the Worst Gadget Ever

Adam Frucci — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:21:58 EDT

Is your life completely devoid of meaning? Are you so unable to motivate yourself that you require some quotation from a famous person that was taken out of context to sound more general and vague, therefore more relatable to weak-brained schlubs such as yourself? You make me sick. Oh, and here's a gadget for you: the secrets of Life and Words of Wisdom button. Yes, it's a button that farts out motivational phrases for you.

Yes, with quotes from such visionary thinkers as Benjamin Franklin, Conrad Hilton and Vince Lombardi, there's just no way you'll miss out on a single one of the lofty achievements promised by the button's website:

- turn rejection into opportunity
- enjoy more friends
- get what you want out of life
- be creative on demand
- eliminate stage fright
- not be arrogant
- save face
- adapt easily to change
- stop little problems from growing bigger
- learn a foreign language
- show someone you love them
- quickly alleviate despair
- keep your mind young
- build wealth
- not be annoying
- decrease fears
- become an expert in your field
- find your passion in life
- handle criticism
- be courageous
- dream big
- believe attitude is everything
- master your fears
- make failure your friend
- become an expert in your field
- respond to adversity

Boy, who knew that hearing a gadget say "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" would help me learn a foreign language or not be annoying. Yeah, because there's nothing less annoying than someone with no original thoughts that just spouts out quotations. Or someone who spends all their money on gimmicky garbage and then complains about not having enough money.

Only $30! Buy today, you moron! [Product Page]

Hello Kitty Contact Lenses Shake Me to the Core

Adam Frucci — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:20:11 EST

There's something not quite right about this girls' eyes. No, it's not the emo makeup or stupid hair coloring, although those are pretty bad. It's… oh my god, it is. She has Hello Kitty contact lenses. We're through the looking glass here. Take a closer look, if you dare.

No soul could exist behind those dead eyes. These are the things that nightmares are made of. [Hello Kitty Hell via Neatorama]

no!no! Shaver Gets Its Name Right, Not Much Else

Benny Goldman — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 13:15:00 EDT

The no!no! Shaver is a device that keeps your nether region looking smooth by using a "thermodynamic wire to transmit the heat to the hair". In other words, it burns the hair clean off your man parts (or lady parts!). If that wasn't enough, the no!no! is "characterized by (the) odor" of sweet, sweet burning hair. This sounds like hell, and that's coming from someone who is no stranger to self-inflicted grooming torture. Available for $250 at Sephora, it comes with free shipping. [product page via BBG]