God Took His Bike Chain and Made His Favorite Mortal a Coffee TableSam Biddle and Kyle VanHemert5/06/11 1:00am13EditPromoteDismissUndismissHideGo to permalinkCoffee tables. I'm going to SMASH your coffee table. It deserves to be smashed—it's pitiful. It sits there, reflecting light, collecting dust, insulting me with its presence. Why? Why? Your coffee table is not a gigantic bicycle chain.