A bunch of students at a Brisbane high school filmed a dirty porno in a high school bathroom the last time news of the Large Hadron Collider was hot. Yeah, that video was literally dirty. Remember high school bathrooms?

Basically the guy convinced his sweet, innocent, and oh-so-stupid girlfriend that it was her last chance to lose her virginity as his buddy played hidden camera man, producer, and distributor. The camera phone recorded, underage sex act made its way through the community and could potentially result in child pornography production charges, although news.com.au claims it unlikely due to the age of all the participants.

No word on whether the sweet talker managed to hang on to the girl by convincing her that a miracle spared the world until November. [news.com.au]

- First, give a long hug to all my friends.
- Learn to sail.
- Fish a salmon and eat the whole thing as sashimi.
- Call Addy and tell her I love her.
- Call Ana, my first wife, and tell her that she's still a damn lying bitch with a fat ass.
- Get in bed with the hot, big-boobed Swedish bartender in front of me—I'm in a cafe in Hunnebo, Sweden, right now.
- Get the hot Swedish waitress in bed too—trust me, I have reasons for this.
- Steal the Harley parked outside the café and drive at 125MPH to Gothenburg's airport.
- Buy first class tickets to Los Angeles on the company's card—don't worry Nick, you won't have to pay for that. It's the end of the world.
- Find Uma Thurman address.
- Get her naked.
- Post pictures in Gizmodo.
- Get in bed with Uma and the two Swedes (yes, they came with me—the trip to LA is too long).
- Steal a supersonic jet.
- Fly to Cupertino.
- Break into Apple's secret vault with the help of the two Swedes—by their looks, they have to be ninjas—and Uma dressed with her Kill Bill yellow suit.
- Have sex with the two Swedes, Uma, and Steve Jobs.
- Have Jason liveblog the whole thing while Brian takes pictures.
- Burn the secret vault.
- Watch the whole campus burn while listening to Tom Waits, having a six-hand massage, drinking margaritas, waiting for the whole universe to implode.

I know, it's less than 24 hours to planetary mayhem, but if Santa Claus can visit the home of every kid in the world to deliver presents, Jesus gets to do all that in 12 hours. In any case, I can only hope there's no more delays and the whole thing explodes—or I'm screwed.

Seriously, the planet may not assplode, but you never know. If you really had to do something before tomorrow, what would you do? [LHC]

Update: What?! We just got a note that the official startup for the LHC has been delayed until September 10, which is NOT tomorrow. We'll have to suspend our Swedes humping for another month. I, for one, as Jason Chen, am not amused. — Jason [New Scientist]

I hope you are right about CERN's Large Hadron Collider exploding and destroying the whole frikkin' universe in a big fiery ball of antimatter, neutrons and Higgs bosons.

That way we won't have to try and decipher your spam any more.

Yours Sincerely,
j.

P.S. Check out MIT Center for Theoretical Physics' admin answer to this guy after the jump. Apparently he doesn't only spam via email, but calls and harasses people everywhere and leaves messages on answering machines.
P.P.S. Stop sending mail, you psycho.
P.P.P.S. Can someone at Google shut down this spammer's Gmail account at once? Thanks.

On Fri, May 9, 2008 at 12:42 PM, Scott Morley <****************@mit.edu> wrote: Dear Sir,

I am the Administrator for the Center for Theoretical Physics at MIT. You have been repeatedly sending emails to the CTP regarding the LHC in Geneva. You have left dozens of messages on the answering machine of Professor Frank Wilczek and on the machines of various other professors. You have also called and attempted to speak with other professors—ones not involved in any way, shape or form with the LHC.

You have additionally phoned a member of my staff repeatedly and then chose to send a large mailing list of individuals an email where you directly insulted this person.

I am writing you to ask you to please cease your contacts with all members of this Center.

Thank you.

Scott Morley

Regardless, one of my most trusty timepieces failed me this morning—my cellphone. I would usually trust my Sprint/Samsung A900 over even the atomic clock, but unless my phone was in some sort of timeline stasis (which is possible), it failed me and required a reboot.

Anyone else's gadgets fail to update or go wonky? Anyone else suspect that the aliens are laughing heartily? – Mark Wilson