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posts about #fakeastronomy more → The Star Wars Galaxy Fully Mapped in High Resolution
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The Star Wars Galaxy Fully Mapped in High Resolution |
01/13/09
Oh wait...wrong movie.
01/13/09
Aren't galactic centers generally uninhabitable?
01/13/09
I think that if the civilizations depicted in the Star Wars documentaries were capable of building this stuff, terraforming wasn't too hard.
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It's high-resolution.
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Although Han Solo bragged about doing the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs, he never mentions the time he spent on the platform waiting for the transport between the Lando system (yes, there is a Lando system) and the Corellia system.
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Being a pirate and all you just know he was a turnstile jumper....
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It's just not a good idea...
01/13/09
They'll give you crabs!
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Hey Luke, learn to read a frackin' map. There is a bright center to the galaxy (filled with creamy nougat) and contrary to your bitching, Tatooine is not the furthest planet from it.
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What was I talking about? Oh yeah, fucking TIE fighters run on solar power, but X-wing fighters get their own robust reactor. I mean, wtf...really? Who's the rebels here??
01/13/09
Usually, the south field was filled with droids bitching about how downright retarded the Skywalker family was. GNK frequently said if it wasn't for the restraining bolt, he murder them in their sleep. Personally, I don't think the Empire killed the Skywalkers; my money is on a pissed-off vaporator.
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Anakin's dad walked out on him when his mother was pregnant with him. His mother was a slave and was killed by aboriginal Tatooinians ("sand people" is derogatory). And he was an only child. So how exactly does he become Owen's stepbrother?
A more reasonable explanation is that the entire Skywalker clan is a bunch of half-drunk hillbillies hiding out from the "revenooers" on Tatooine. The genetic pre-disposition to a low-intelligence explains why Anakin never thought of looking for his bastard son on Tatooine - the place he grew up.
Trust me - the Skywalkers were notorious for leaving crap like busted down Landspeeders in their "yard" (sand is not a yard). The silver speeder in the garage is the functional equivalent of a 1981 Thunderbird.
Beru nagged Owen for years to go on down to the courthouse to change their name from Skywalker to Lars, after Lars Ulrich of Metallica fame. As she put it, the idea was to "y'know - class us up a little bit".
Face it - the Skywalker family is Star Wars white trash.
01/13/09
Unfortunately, I sat through all 6 live-action flicks & the animated one -- ugh!), waiting for George Lucas to redeem himself (never happened). The same flick where his mom get's killed, you learn that Watto had sold his slave/mom to Owen's dad (whatever the hell his firstname was) Lars.
I know what you mean though about the white trash, I'm surprised they didn't find R2 stripped down and propped up on cinder-blocks after he wandered off.
01/13/09
Let's not forget that the prequels are the movies that say that Anakin was conceived through magic - as opposed to after a hard night drinking and screwing in the back seat of a Corellian speeder.
According to Lucas' new history, not only did Greedo shoot first, the Rebels shot first, the stripper in Jabba's palace shot first, the tauntaun that Han cuts open shot first, the wampa shot first, and Alderaan had it coming.
01/13/09
Geek-nitpick-mode here:
Han doesn't claim parsec is a unit of time. In fact, the trick to 'making the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs' isn't feat of speed, but feat of navigation.
Kessel Run involves navigating a cluster of black holes; by skirting closer to holes, one actually flies a shorter path, but at an increased risk.
Admittedly, I'd think that would mean "Making Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs" speaks more of pilot's skills than of ship's quality, but... *shrug* Perhaps ship quality does havething to do with it.
Geek nitpick mode off - back to your regular programming.
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And the 'aboriginal Tatooinians are Tuskens. Don't call 'em anything else otherwise they'll rip your head off Jim..
Annakin never considered checking out Tattooine for his hellspawn because he hates that giant sandball and would do anything in his power to avoid ever going back there. Just imagine what a sandstorm would do to his respirator system.
Oh yeah and the Lars family is a bigger bunch of WT than the Skywalkers ever were..
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Think of this like the NYC subway map. It's a rough approximation that is not suitable for navigation purposes. Speaking of which, I see that the yellow line contains Tatooine, which translates roughly to the Newkirk station on NYC's subway.
On the upside, I share a subway stop with Philip J. Fry. On the downside, I evidently also share it with Luke.
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Also, I would imagine that such an advanced society would be capable of terraforming Mars-like planets to support life.
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