Turns out that Apple is re-introducing the iPhone 3G Videoconferencing Kit under a new moniker: The iPhone 3G S Videoconferencing Kit. Soooo pretty.

Apple introduces the iPhone 3G S Videoconferencing Kit

WWDC SAN FRANCISCO-June 8, 2009-Apple® today unveiled the Apple Videoconferencing Kit®, the world's first videoconference accessory for the world's best phone, the iPhone 3G S. Using a unique silicon-based mirror material and natural bamboo wood for its handle and base, the Apple Videoconferencing Kit measures an unprecedented 0.5 inches at its thinnest point. Its low weight and unique shape—developed following strict Human Interface tests and anatomical studies—will allow the user to easily hold it in front of the iPhone 3G S camera, allowing face-to-face video communication with users all around the world.

"Yes, I know" said senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing and Apple's Cool Guy at Large Phil Schiller, "we did it again. With this kit all the whiners will be happy. I know. We kick ass." The Apple Videoconferencing Kit ultra-shiny surface allows for an extremely clear image, the best in its class, and can be easily customized using any kind of materials, from stickers to Crayola. It will be available in June 19 for $29.

Apple ignited the personal computer revolution in the 1970s with the Apple II and reinvented the personal computer in the 1980s with the Macintosh. Today, Apple continues to lead the industry in innovation with its award-winning computers, OS X operating system and iLife and professional applications. Apple is also spearheading the digital media revolution with its iPod portable music and video players and iTunes online store, and has entered the mobile phone market with its revolutionary iPhone.

I can't wait to get my hands on one of these. And I'm not talking about the blonde.

Yes, it's a fakemodo, which means it's fake.

[Graphic by The Coast of Yemen—Thanks Addy!]

For instance, no matter how hard I push "use litter tray," Wynona still prefers to use the linoleum floor just in front of the litter tray. Is this a calibration issue?

And when I aim the thing straight at Wade and press "Get Off—Shelf," he just looks at me. And that's the other problem: Even when I'm not pressing certain buttons such as "Remain Aloof" "Cat Nap" and "Eject Fur Ball," the cats seem to be performing those tasks anyway. It's as if they have minds of their own! Maybe there's a good reason you don't print a toll-free tech support number on the package.

Sincerely,

Wilson, Frustrated Cat Owner

[Amazon via Book of Joe and Apartment Therapy]

Straight from our R&D department, we've received this crude mockup of a "Hot or Not" Fuji Finepix camera. It features:

• Attractive Facial Recognition
If you've got it, flaunt it! Finally, a camera made by beautiful people, for beautiful people. A heart-shaped matrix surrounds the heads of worthy and automatically snaps the shutter at peek hotness levels (smiles, lustful gazes, or just staring off in the distance with absolutely nothing, and we mean nothing, going through your mind).

• 14 Megapixels
Take sharp photographs that can be enlarged for family, friends and guys who say they're agents! Choose between "billboard" and "ultra big billboard" sizes and just wait for your face to go on the next Gap sign, or just a very high resolution amateur pornography site.

• Audio Alert If "Third Friend" Detected In Frame
While competitor's products can become confused if two hot friends are standing next to a third, unattractive friend, snapping a shot none the wiser, the Fuji Finepix is equipped with a blazing fast processor that picks out the frumpy with greater accuracy than humans in clinical trials.

• Ugly Facial Deletion
Maybe it was a platonic friend. Maybe it was just a fat kid. It's not their fault (well, maybe it is), but the last thing you need is to fold photos in half to cut out the troll standing beside you. The FinePix will autocrop the ugly subject out, or just put a big "X" over their face along with some stink lines.

• Self-Portrait Mode (may not function for all customers)
A special auto shutter takes shots as soon as your beautiful face enters the frame. And it will not stop taking pictures until it either runs out of batteries or you gain the freshman fifteen.

• Wireless Uploading to Facebook
The Finepix makes sure every single picture you ever shoot uploads instantly to Facebook, in duplicate, just in case. Automated metatagging includes "hot person who would never think they were hot" and "Barbizon 2009."

Coming Christmas 2009, pending our lawyers can figure out the clear licensing issues and those ab growth pills we ordered out of the back of Men's Fitness ever start working.

Typically nocturnal, after generations spent away from civilization, it's unknown if these giants understand normal little people speech, so if you spot one, it's best to call the authorities, as it could be extremely dangerous. [Google Street View - Thanks Jeremy!]

Yeah, it is a manila envelope. It was left for President Barack Obama by Former President George W. and God only knows what is inside. I like to believe is a MacBook Air with all the secret files from Area 51 and a secret alternative cut of the Zapruder film, showing three snipers killing JFK.

Or maybe it's just directions to W's secret stash of salty crackers written with crayon on the back of an old Dick Cheney's memo titled: "Yes George, there were no WMDs in Iraq." [Boston.com]

Many people are bashing the Philnote because it was a bore and there were no new new NEW toys. In reality, the keynote wasn't very different from many other that Steve Jobs did in the past. I remember some who were mostly the same: Endless software demonstrations plus a hardware update here or there. In fact, I think there were even worse keynotes, like that time when an endless parade of third-party software directors came on stage to show their support to Mac OS X. It took me several Guinness pints to get over that one.

So given what he had to present today—and I've to say that I love the new iPhoto and iMovie—El Schillerino did quite a good job. But even while he was good, apparently he's not Steve Jobs and people weren't as enthusiastic as when El Esteban is on stage. I don't know what's going to happen when Jobs finally retires from Apple, but maybe the key for success goes through free beer for everyone at the door. And probably free pizza too. [Image based on the original beer goggles from Urban Spectacles via Dark Roasted Blend]

Yesterday, a reader jumped on the tips line saying:

OMG! I FOUND THE NEW IPHONE NANO! CHECK IT OUT MAN! THIS IS THE REAL THING! I BOUGHT THE ORIGINAL IPHONE 3G FROM THEM! AND THAT WAS REAL! THIS HAS TO BE REAL! CAN'T YOU SEE IT?!?!?! OMG! ASDADGAFAAEFGASDGADFASDHHHHH!!!

I tried to put some sense into him: "Dude, do you think a chinese supplier would have an Apple phone before Apple themselves?" But he wouldn't have it: "COME ON! I KNOW IT'S REAL! IT HAS TO BE REAL! I BOUGHT THREE OF THEM FOR MY FRIENDS FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL IN TEXAS!!!" After a while, I was polite and said good night. It was Christmas Day after all.

It's not anymore. [China suppliers—Thanks JC—not Jason Chen—and good luck with those amazing iPhone nano 3G with optional Java games and 64 polymorphic tones!]

Update: Here's a second iPhone Nano shot someone sent to our tip line. How's that look to you?

Apple Announces Last Year of Christmas

CUPERTINO, California—December 16, 2008—Apple® today announced that this is the last year for Christmas. Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing, spoke at a joint press conference held with Santa Claus at the North Pole this morning. He announced: "Apple has been honored to work with the North Pole the last several years to make Christmas possible, however, we have decided together that this is the last year for Christmas."

Apple is reaching more people in more ways than ever before, so like many companies, Christmas has become a very minor part of how Apple reaches its customers. The increasing popularity of Apple’s Retail Stores, which more than 3.5 million people visit every week, and the Apple.com website enable Apple to directly reach more than a hundred million customers around the world in innovative new ways, throughout the year.

Apple has been steadily scaling back on holidays in recent years, including Valentine's Day, Columbus Day, President's Day and Grandparents Day in Japan.

Apple ignited the personal computer revolution in the 1970s with the Apple II and reinvented the personal computer in the 1980s with the Macintosh. Today, Apple continues to lead the industry in innovation with its award-winning computers, OS X operating system and iLife and professional applications. Apple is also spearheading the digital media revolution with its iPod portable music and video players and iTunes online store, and has entered the mobile phone market with its revolutionary iPhone.

Press Contacts:
Buddy Elf
Apple
elf@apple.com

Papa Elf
North Pole
elf@santasworkshop.np

[Apple Canceled Christmas—thanks Jacqui and Mona]

Called the Barbie P520, this clamshell phone is in no way sponsored by Mattel. Undaunted by its lack of authenticity though, the box advertises with the doll's silhouette, the logo, and even a tag line declaring it the “Barbie Music Phone.” It's not too bad for a fake phone spec-wise, packing a 1.3MP camera, up to 2GB of expandable memory, two sim cards, MP3 and MP4 support and Bluetooth into a 60 x 63 x 21mm frame.

AND it's got a touchscreen. The fake Barbie Music Phone, at $113, costs about $30 more than Mattel's MP3 player but, considering what it comes with, it's a much better deal for your hipless-big-boobied-doll-loving nieces. [Shanzhaiji]

I want to read the rest of these emails, badly:

• Yahoo! Answers Answer-Jim311 responded to: "Can Elves get Pregn
• Frosty The Snowman. Dude-Check it. I snapped a pic of this chick that I fu
• George W. Bush. Dear santa-Can I have a third term? I promise I'll b
• Ronald McDonald. I wish-I had your cred man. I can do more than sell
• Elfbang.com. Your subscription-We renewed your subscription to the hottest elf on elf action [Someone actually registered this domain name. Yes, I tried it.]
• Al Gore, me (7) Re: My Movie-Still haven't watched it yet? It affects you too, the polar ice c
• Digg. lnsaincain02 has sent you a shout on digg- Another D

In any case, I'm just glad that Santa escaped his imperial imprisonment. [Holy Taco via Walyou]

More fakemodos
• Apple Cancels All iPhone 3G Orders, Releases iBrick 3G
• Apple Introduces iPhone 3G Videoconferencing Kit, ZOMG!
• Indiana Jones' Theme Secret Lyrics Uncovered
• Apple Introduces Manila Case—The World's Thinnest Notebook Case

Apple and bass fishing expert Gene Munster agreed with Jobs, saying that following the absolutely disaster of the iPhone 3G activation, this move makes complete sense. "In fact, it's absolutely brilliant," he added, "think about it. They switch the iPhone 3G for iBrick 3G, which my infallible sources tell me that it doesn't require any activation, and they end up with exactly the same functionality!" While asked about what functionality was that, Munster mumbled something about Apple's stock price skyrocketing to $651 per share by year's end before leaving in his Munstermobile.

"I'm sure some of our great customers won't get it, but really, even if it's not compatible with our stunning iPhone 3G videoconferencing kit, this product will destroy windows," VP for Worldwide Marketing and Cuddly Guy at Large Phil Schiller said during the conference call. "Get it? Brick? Windows? No? Sheeesh... come on, that was a good one!" he added, laughing out loud while his Keynote presentation showed a big "LOLZ."

According to sources, while Phil was closing the conference call, some analysts heard Steve Jobs shouting on the distance: "Some people are going to get so fired. Oh yes. OH YES! Phil? PHIL? Where's my surgeon kit?"

(Yes, in case you are seriously moronic, this is not real. It's just that I'm pissed off: I'm here in Madrid, trying to activate three iPhone 3G that my dad and my brother have managed to score today. This is the 1,254 times (combined) that we have tried to activate it since we got them about six hours ago, and still no result, even leaving our iPhone connected. Update: One has been activated.)

"I mean, given Dell's constant focus on cutting costs, it was a matter of time before they focused on packaging to save some dollars here and there" added the Piper Jaffray's analyst, "and let's face it, Apple's solution is the most efficient, light, and cost-effective in the industry. Like everything else they do. I predict they will hit the $500 [price per share] mark before 2009. Even $510."

Reportedly, Dell will have to pay Apple $20 per manila envelope, but they will save "a lot of money" in postage stamps, according to Mr. Munster. Dell representatives were not available for comment, but Mr. Munster told this reporter that Steve Jobs called Michael Dell late last night to say "who's my bitch now, huh? Who's my bitch?" [Thanks Hawkskater0]

Apple introduces the iPhone 3G Videoconferencing Kit, ZOMG!

WWDC SAN FRANCISCO—June 11, 2008—Apple® today unveiled the Apple Videoconferencing Kit®, the world's first videoconference accessory for the world's best phone, the iPhone 3G. Using a unique silicon-based mirror material and natural bamboo wood for its handle and base, the Apple Videoconferencing Kit measures an unprecedented 0.5 inches at its thinnest point. Its low weight and unique shape—developed following strict Human Interface tests and anatomical studies—will allow the user to easily hold it in front of the iPhone 3G camera, allowing face-to-face video communication with users all around the world.

"We've built the world's best cellphone—again," said Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO and famed fried tofu fan. "But it didn't feel... complete. So I said to Phil, hey! Phil, yo! Where's the damn front camera? Can we do iChat AV with this shit? He said we couldn't, but then... then he pulled out his hand mirror and said: 'what about this?'"

Phil Schiller, senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing and Apple's Cool Guy at Large, explained how it all went after that: "Steve thought it was ok, but he didn't like the pink plastic and shiny beads, so we asked Jon to come up with an evolution of the design." The team lead by Jonathan Ive was left with the challenge of making the Apple Videoconferencing Kit a reality: "We wanted the design to feel complete, as a whole holistic experience for the user, something that would talk from the inside, and be pure function. It just feels that way now."

The Apple Videoconferencing Kit ultra-shiny surface allows for an extremely clear image, the best in its class, and can be easily customized using any kind of materials, from stickers to Crayola. It will be available in July 11 for $29.

Apple ignited the personal computer revolution in the 1970s with the Apple II and reinvented the personal computer in the 1980s with the Macintosh. Today, Apple continues to lead the industry in innovation with its award-winning computers, OS X operating system and iLife and professional applications. Apple is also spearheading the digital media revolution with its iPod portable music and video players and iTunes online store, and has entered the mobile phone market with its revolutionary iPhone.

Indeed, it looks like Apple keeps pushing the envelope. [Other Gizmodo Fake News]

For those of you who don't get it, this is a criticism of the lack of front camera and video conferencing in the iPhone 3G. Looking at the new model, I think it is clear that Apple has decided to milk the current iPhone for another year instead of actually pushing the envelope big time. After all, why rush it when you are still entering the market and you can increase your margins?

While I'm sure that iChat AV-compatible videoconferencing will come to the iPhone, the fact is that Apple has decided we don't need it, expanding the lifetime of the previous generation by adding 3G and new software, in order to get more return out of their original investment. I can't blame them. And it even makes sense from a development point of view, making sure that every step works before taking another. However, as a consumer and gadget addict who wants it all, that doesn't make me happy.

Asked about what that meant, Mr. Munster further clarified his statement as "a whole lot. You know, like, zing!" It is still unclear when this new Mac device will appear in the marketplace, but Mr. Munster is confident that it will be soon: "Timing of this is difficult to determine, but we would expect it sometime in 2008. Day up, day down, you know, but around there."

The documents discovered today indicate that Apple may use a radio transmitter that complies with a standard called HSDPA or "High-Speed Downlink Packet Access." According to Gizmodo's Editor-in-Chief Brian Lam "HSDPA could really give us high data transfers, potentially around 7.2mbps. Yeah, 7.2. That's a lot of zing!" Mr. Lam also indicated that he suspected the new Apple device may have other advanced features like email, a travel system designed to guide you to different destinations, and "possibly an alarm clock."

Apple didn't return calls for comment.

[FCC via Into Mobile]