Its makers have never appreciated sensationalist "Google Killer!" labeling, and rightly so: Wolfram Alpha excels at interpreting huge data sets, and only at interpreting huge data sets. A revealing taste of this contrast, in practice:

SEARCH TERM: Sydney New York

WOLFRAM ALPHA: I got tables showing the distance between the two cities in miles, kilometers, meters, even nautical miles; a map of the world with the optimal flight path; and the fact that the trip spans 0.4 of the earth's circumference. I learned how long it would take to make the trip: 18.1 hours flying; 13 hours for a sound wave, 74 milliseconds for a light beam in fiber, and 53 milliseconds for a light beam traveling in a vacuum. I also got comparative populations, elevation in meters, and current local times.

GOOGLE: I got a mix of things: a form for finding flights between Sydney and New York; a Google Maps-plotted list of businesses in New York City that contain the word "Sydney"; and links to the municipal government of Sidney, a small town in upstate New York.

It's also a huge nerd:

SEARCH TERM: Aspirin Tylenol

WOLFRAM ALPHA: Alpha gave me molecular diagrams for aspirin and acetaminophen and lots of scientific information comparing their molecular weights, boiling points, vapor pressure, and so forth.

GOOGLE: Usefully (to nonchemists suffering from headaches), the top link was to a Wiki-answers page telling people whether they can take aspirin and Tylenol together. Other links gave information about toxicity, danger to kidneys, and the like.

In other words, Wolfram Alpha is like a beefed-up, research-oriented take on Google's computational extras (stock price, calculator, unit conversion), but with Aspergers.

I'm aware of the theoretical differences between the two, and I'm sure Wolfram Alpha's creators' blood would boil at the thought, but the engine's most natural home might be as a direct complement to Google, as a tab on their homepage or as a replacement for their modest current nonsearch functions. Anyway, TR has plenty more comparative search tests, and they give a pretty full picture of what you can expect when this thing finally goes public. [Technology Review]

I must say the results are kind of unimpressive. Nothing like heading to North Korea. But hey, it's May Fourth. [VBS TV via Gothamist]

[Thanks Karl]

I mean, just today I read that a gamer beat up his girlfriend because she ended up killing his character by standing in front of the TV. Seriously, wtf?

So, I feel compelled to ask—have you ever found yourself in a physical or verbal altercation because of a gadget?

Brittney Love Venton of St. Paul is now charged with second-degree assault and is being held on $50,000 bail. Her boyfriend, Nicholas Smith is in stable condition and is in a local hospital recovering from the stabwound.

Witnesses told police the stabbing stemmed from an argument over a TV remote.

"One person wanted to see one thing, one person wanted to see the other, so she stabbed him in the stomach," said Juanita Luke, who lives in the apartment downstairs from the rental unit where Smith lives. "It was like a movie or a music video. It was between that."

She said she heard a commotion and went up to Smith's apartment, and saw the aftermath of the attack.

Right, so the next time you even think about not letting us finish that new Britney Spears premiere video, remember this: We. Will. Cut. You. [Twin Cities]

I hope this incident isn't a foretaste... it's left a very bad taste with me and my team"

The message, sent by Richard Walker, senior vice president at HP's consumer PC unit, was sent in 2006. It's clear that Microsoft knew it was at fault long ago, and interesting to note just how long this whole thing took to surface. Even more interesting is the possibility that the plan to consolidate stickers for Windows 7 — originally seen as a perceptive response to public scrutiny — may have been a direct answer to deeper, more literal troubles. [ComputerWorld via BBG]

It's worth noting here that Intel was not promoting a specific product with these statements, and offered no direct performance comparisons to its own processors. Secondly, it appears as though they either haven't used an iPhone or any of its competitors, at all. No, an iPhone doesn't have the processing power to render pages as fast as a desktop computer might, but to imply that browsing is the iPhone's weakness is kind of silly. Original story author ZDNet's Suzanna Tindal, notably a "Guest of Intel" should have framed this as what it is: an unprompted, stock-fluffing pissing match, initiated by the big guy. [ZDNet]

To start with, dork n mero uno—hairdresser Barney Jones—wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with "lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals, who actually were the only ones with actual girlfriends in the backyard at the time.

Vader, whose real name is not Anakin Skywalker but Arwel Wynne Hughes, pleaded guilty, saying in his defense that he had a "chronic alcohol problem" and he didn't remember anything at all. According to the two Joneses, however, Hughes jumped in the gardent shouting "DARTH VADER," wielding a metal crutch, wearing a helmet, a black bin bag, a cape, and with a lot of wine in his stomach. Laughing—presumably hysterically, like anyone would do after consuming "the best part of a 10-litre box of wine"—he proceeded to bang Barney Jones on the head, before smacking the thigh of family nerd cousin, Michael Jones.

With almost a box of wine in his body, Vader didn't remember a single thing, but his defense attorney said alcohol was "ruining his life." On the other side, the prosecution added that the two cousins "believe very strongly in the church and their religion."

We can only hope the judge will set Vader free and put those two in jail. [BBC News]

NEVER GETS OLD. I say.

This wasn't a joke. This was serious.

No, crimper Master Hehol, this is not serious. This is just sad. Reportedly, the drunk Vader was neither a Gizmodo editor nor Eddie Izzard:

Again you ask? YES! [Daily Telegraph]

Note: for some reason, I first read wrench and did this image:

And then I got hungry, and had to do this one:

For one, don't expect Comedy Central's awkward casting of B-list celebrity hosts. The new season starting around November will focus as much on the pit crew drama as the fights themselves (that will take place in new, far meaner arenas). And remember those lame snowplow wedge bots? Those fuckers (that essentially ruined the show) are out and a new "anything goes" class is in. Now if we could get a ban on those stupid spinning guys too, we'd really be able to get our opiate fix of robots wielding flamethrowers and chainsaws.

On a side note, DIE SPOTS DIE! THE GEEKS BEAT THE JOCKS! OUR DAY HAS COME! EVERYONE, GRAB A CHEERLEADER AND KISS HER! [announcement via popularmechanics]

Click To Play

[WonderHowTo]

To Music Gaming Fans:

The recent announcement by MTV Games/Viacom's Harmonix division that Activision is blocking Sony from releasing a patch and their plea to enable Rock Band software to work with Guitar Hero hardware paints a very misleading picture.

In fact, Harmonix and its parent company MTV Games/Viacom recently declined Activision's offer to reach an agreement that would allow the use of Guitar Hero guitar controllers with Rock Band. We have been and remain open to discussions with Harmonix and MTV Games/Viacom about the use of our technology in Rock Band. Unfortunately for Rock Band users, in this case Harmonix and MTV Games/Viacom are unwilling to discuss an agreement with Activision.

Activision's top priority is to provide consumers with a seamless marriage of best-in-class hardware and software. We are focusing our efforts on innovating hardware and software that are designed to work together, work flawlessly and provide an enjoyable gaming experience.

Best regards,

Activision

Even though it's bulkier and heavier than Eee, XO's durability and clever, colorful design with antenna locks, a swivel screen with a power-conserving black & white mode, and resistance to 120-degree temps and four-foot drops unshockingly bring home the design category. But, XO wins in just two more: Connectivity, thanks to its mesh networking capabilities for daisy-chaining Wi-Fi and collaboration, and price (obviously). It loses in UI, learning curve, apps and specs.

In their conclusion, Laptop kicks XO in the nuts, and hard:

...Its designers may have outthought themselves; in their quest to create a laptop that adults could teach children to use the world over, they forgot that it's children who usually teach the grownups how to use new gadgets. Barring its unique form factor and mesh networking features, we wonder if the XO couldn't have been better served by an operating system and programs more akin to the Eee PC 701.

I don't personally have any obsession with becoming a superhero, despite my frequent baths in radioactive waste while clinging to a spider, bat and orangutan for dear life. However, since my roommate's cousin's pet finds the whole topic of great interest...

Mazu Kan is a $50 two-player air-fighting game. You strap on the Mazu Kan and punch/power attack away. If your opponent doesn't block, you score and their chest vibrates with excruciating, humiliating...vibration. Also cool: since the units use radio frequencies you can attack through obstacles. Can Superman attack through solid objects? Didn't think so. -Mark Wilson

[via ThinkGeek]