1. Trying to saw a two-by-four alone looks awfully stressful: our moustachioed French hero has grown three heads in his panic. But recruiting a team of builders gets that barn made like they were Amish (though we all know the lazy French are incapable of such efficiency).
2. If you link arms, you can make kick-ass birdhouses. But watch out for the ghostly silhouettes inching ever closer.
3. Tools required to make birdhouses/barns/Core 2 Duo processors include: a chainsaw, a syringe, multiple dustpans, and a pastel scarf rakishly knotted around the neck. Optional but strongly recommended: party hats.
4. Doing basic arithmetic makes French barnbuilders very content.
5. OH GOD they've grown multiple heads again! At least people seem to be buying their barns, which apparently have shrunk into shoebox-sized models somewhere between here and the first panel.
6. Something awful has happened. Our heroic Frenchmen are now plugged directly into electrical outlets, with internal temperature monitoring. Is this some kind of Shyamalanianian twist and they were robots the entire time? This narrative ends on such a disturbing note. [Sony, thanks Christopher!]

Update: Readers are pointing out that it's probably due to the hurricane. Had no idea it was due to that, so we hope our Houston readers and their friends and family are safe. Here's to you guys.

The ad aired on September 11 on CBS' “Big Brother” reality show. It's funnier than the first and you get to see Jerry clip his toenails and Bill do the robot, but as a Windows user, I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to think about this. “Looks like Macs aren't the only thing catering specifically to East and West coast elitists?” [ZDNet]

Agreed, some of these apps will offer different functionality for doing a similar task (dare we say you get what you pay for?.) But do we really need three different "tip calculator" apps? Is people's grasp of maths really that bad?
[BBG]

Rich Dads:

Rich Dads are probably the hardest category of Dads to shop for. I mean, what do you give the man who has everything? Here are a few unique suggestions:

The UR-202 Wristwatch: Besides looking completely awesome, the UR-202 features a unique winding system that is regulated by compressed air. The winding is controlled using miniature twin turbines and the level of air compression generated by these turbines can actually be altered using a 3-position selector switch. Pricing information has not been made available on the UR-202, but if you have to ask you probably can't afford it. [Urwerk via Link]

Crystal Foosball Table: Your rich father may have a lot of stuff, but I guarantee he does not have something as fun and frivolous as a crystal foosball table with aluminum players. Again, the sticker shock would be too high for normal folk, so expect to shell out some serious bucks for dear old Dad. [Teckell via Link]

The Craftsman Professional Tool Set: Sure your father has tools, but does he have EVERY tool? This Craftsman Collection comes with 1470 pieces—enough to keep him tinkering until the end of time. Available for $$7,619.90 (before shipping). [Sears]

Motion Pro II Racing Simulator: If your father likes fast cars, chances are he would love a top of the line racing simulator that can run you in excess of $45,000 when you throw in extras like a panoramic screen, a six-speed gated shifter and custom bodywork. [CXC Simulations via Link]

Fun Dads

If your father has a sense of humor, the following gifts are sure to get a laugh:

Executive Ball Scratcher: What is the classy, executive gentleman to do when he has a very un-classy itch? This chrome plated ball scratcher is tough enough to do the dirty work, yet elegant enough to keep on a desk in plain view. Available for around $11.36. [Find Me a Gift]

Beaver Stuffing Kit: Most guys love stuffing beavers, and as much as you don't want to think about it, your father probably does too. So, give him what he craves with this beaver stuffing kit. Available for around $15 [Find Me a Gift]

Potty Putter: Golf balls may be a boring gift, but an entire putting system you can use from the comfort of your own toilet is another story entirely. Available for $19.95. [Baron Bob]

Control a Woman Remote: With functions like "cook," "clean," "remove clothes," "stop nagging" and a breast enhancer / reduction dial, this novelty remote is sure to get laughs—but probably not from your mother. Available for around $10. [Genie Gadgets]

Deadbeat Dads:

Let's face it, not everyone has a magical childhood because there are plenty of deadbeat Dads out there. If your father happens to be one of them, here are a few gifts that will tell him exactly how you feel:

Middle Finger Vibrator: This symbolic gift will tell him exactly where he can go and what he can do with himself. Available for $39.99. [Sex Toy Party]

Bed Snake Bat: Actually, this is more of a gift for that strip club waitress that your father dumped your mother for. Tell her to keep it next to the bed. If a bed snake should bother her in the middle of the night, she can whack it up good. Available for around $6. [Giftmonger]

Life-Sized Cardboard Policeman: This is the gift that will keep on giving. Put him on your father's doorstep, in front of his car, or just place it in his bedroom before the alarm goes off in the morning. Your father could go to jail for any number of reasons—it's all about keeping him on his toes. Available for $30.79. [Incredible Gifts]

Nothing: When all else fails, you could always get him nothing. But instead of simply showing up empty handed, bring him a packaged version of nothing. It makes for a more powerful statement. Available for around $7. [iwoot]

Apparently, the news ticker also pointed out that the new iPhone will have a 37-foot screen, but an official channel representative has confirmed to us that this was just a typo: "I think the guys from the news ticker really meant 3.7 inches," the TV station's night janitor said on a phone interview.

In relation to these breaking news, Jason Chen—Gizmodo's senior associate editor—pointed out that he didn't want to be disturbed while he was playing GTA IV. "Frack off!" he declared. [The Onion]

Boing Boing Gadgets has deemed the standard HTML blockquote insufficient to reveal the expressive power of his business English. Hence, Super Blockquote, which arms you against the marketroid oppression of Thompson's prose.

Furthermore, the difference between real and fake laughter is determined by monitoring the movement of the diaphragm. If the muscle vibrations are high, that would be an indicator of a genuine laugh. Interestingly enough, the researchers are looking to make a portable version for heath and entertainment devices—which means that Carrot Top's performing days are numbered. [Pink Tentacle]

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From the side. I think it needs a corset.

I'm afraid you can't, became Okutta doesn't exist. It's all a figment of charity War Child Canada's imagination, who made the video to draw attention to the plight of the world's child soldiers who do end up in war training camps. [Camp Okuttavia Neatorama]

Sarcastic Gamer

Revealed here for the first time: Steve Jobs' secret plan to amaze the world with his feats of derring-do and pickled, pruny handshakes!

[Thanks, Garnumber]

This comic excerpt properly describes the pain many of us are going through today. Check out the full Joy of Tech comic here and if those funnies aren t able to cure your anguish, we suggest checking into a clinic.

Feeling the effects of Post-Traumatic Apple Even Disorder [MacMerc]