The Big Money's history of gift cards is a fascinating timeline of how they spread like a virus, infecting every gift-giving tradition we hold dear: Neiman Marcus actually was the first to sell gift cards, in 1994, but because the retailer didn't quite understand their potential, the cards were kept out of sight and sold only as a novelty item. Blockbuster was the first to display them, starting in 1995, which was the true beginning of the gift card revolution.

Starbucks was the next major innovator, in 2001, with gift cards that worked more than once, so you'd have to keep going back. (Today, one out of seven purchases is made with a gift card at Starbucks in the US.) Which brings us to the present, with gimmick cards like Best Buy's tiny speaker or Target's little camera, or purely electronic ones, like for Steam and Amazon.

Did your Christmas feel more empty and hollow this year? Did you give or receive a gift card? Bingo. Gift cards are the most cynical of all presents, lower than cash. They lock the receiver into a particular store or service, while relieving the giver of any responsibility, thought or feeling. If someone gives you a gift card, they don't care about you. In fact, they're trying to trick you, and make you think that they do, because they took the time to select a store to purchase your piece of plastic from. That is a lie—the effort went into the ruse, not your gift.

Of course, stores love gift cards, a pure token that holds no value after it's purchased, except that which the merchant dictates. Odds are, when somebody comes in to spend a gift card, they'll use to buy something more expensive. Even if the gift card is never used, the store still keeps the money—and most unused gift cards lose value over time, withering with the seasons. It's an $87 billion con by the retail industry, and Americans, obsessed with convenience, have eaten it up.

If you're thinking about buying somebody a gift card because you can't be bothered to pick out a real present, don't. Give them cash. Sure, you might feel like an asshole—well, you kind of are—but I promise you, the person receiving the wad will like it a whole lot more than any gift card. Cash can be spent, anytime, anywhere, and it won't expire in a year (unless the economy completely collapses, then we've got bigger problems than declining gift standards).

Update: I forgot to make the important exception for independent and local specialty stores, like record shops. Gift cards are okay in that case (small businesses need money, speciality stores require some consideration).

Here's a question that's quickly becoming a dilemma, though. What's a better (worse?) gift, cash or digital media? [The Big Money]

In addition to storing money, each card can wirelessly control a tiny Christmas mouse inside a shopping cart. The mouse comes free with the purchase of each gift card, but it appears that the minimum value that can be placed on it is set at $25. Target isn't my holiday shopping store of choice, but I can see the appeal of getting one of these in that McDonald's Happy Meal toy sort of way. [Target via Chip Chick via OhGizmo]

Analysts Talk Apple Tablet, Make Ever More Predictions

CNN Money rounded up a bunch of analysts to basically talk about how great the Apple Tablet is, how it's going to cure cancer and save the publishing industry and keep your girlfriend from leaving you, and it's mostly a rehash of what we've already heard before with a dash of a few inane statements that are almost certainly not true. Check this one:

The device will come in several different models that offer varieties of Internet connections, such as Wi-Fi or 3G, perhaps through a contract with AT&T.

Oh, really? Several different models, with varying internet connections? That sure sounds like Apple—they love confusing lineups that differ by virtue of technical specifications that only tech dorks like you and I understand.

Otherwise, nothing to see here, just more analyst talk. When something solid on the Apple Tablet leaks out, you'll know—and it ain't to be found in this article, which is why it lands, with a distinct PLOOP sound, into Remainders. [CNN]

Mad Catz Brings Cheaper Xbox 360 Wi-Fi Adapter, Still About $50 Too Expensive

I just got an Xbox 360 this weekend, and somehow did not realize that not only does the console not ship with included Wi-Fi, but an external Wi-Fi adapter costs about as much as my drinking budget for the month—in other words, way too much money. Luckily Microsoft's first-party adapter isn't the only game in town anymore: Mad Catz is entering the ring with an adapter of their own. Great news, right? Except not really, because while the Mad Catz adapter is $20 cheaper than Microsoft's that's still an $80 pricetag on an item that should be included in the first place. This thing should cost $30 at the most, not half the price of the console. It's in Remainders for that very reason: Yeah, it's a price cut, but it's still way too damned expensive. [Engadget]

Sony Reader Firmware Upgrade Is Surprisingly Difficult

The Sony Reader PRS-500 may not have the cachet of the Kindles and Nooks of the world, but Sony did just release an upgraded firmware supporting the soon-to-be-standard ePub format. Except I guess the upgrade is seriously difficult, because instead of, you know, pressing a button, like every other firmware upgrade for every other gadget in the history of the world, you have to mail the Reader back to Sony to get this one updated. What? Well, Sony's got an offer in case you find that as silly as I do: A trade-in program that gives you either $50 or $75 off the purchase of one of Sony's brand-new readers! Eesh, Sony. At least take us out to dinner before trying to screw us with our pants on. [Engadget]

B&N Giftcards Will Work for Nook Ebook Purchases, Soon

Remember when we reported that Barnes & Noble's popular giftcards would, for some unknown reason, not be allowed to be spent on ebook purchases? Well, our reporting did its job, and B&N has decided to change its ways and allow ebook giftcard purchases starting in mid-December. We did it, people! High fives and ass-slaps all around! [Barnes & Noble]

Apple Issues Update for Current-Gen iPod Nano

Apple quietly issued a firmware update for its newest, video-taking iPod Nano, and it's pretty minor but does fix a few problems. Audio podcasts can now be played back in Normal, Slow or Fast modes, and a few random bugs were patched (Nike+ integration, mono audio, VoiceOver). It's in Remainders because it really is a minor update—we wouldn't even bother with it except the Nano is such a ridiculously huge seller. [TUAW]

Barnes & Noble Giftcards Won't Buy Ebooks, Screwing Some Nook Pre-Orderers

Apparently Barnes & Noble's giftcards will buy you everything B&N sells—except ebooks. It's an inexplicable and irritating omission, but what makes it really rankle is that nobody seems to know about it, even those who work at the stores. Check out this story:

My wife and kids pre-ordered a nook for my birthday at our local B&N. The sales person also sold her a $100 gift card to "get my eBook collection started." When I tried to purchase a few books, I found out that gift cards can't be used on eBooks.

What a dick move! We're going to assume ignorance on B&N's part, but this is sloppy stuff, especially given our proximity to the holidays—their giftcards are incredibly popular and this will not be an isolated incident. Get it together, B&N. [Consumerist]

Dell Mini 3 Officially Launched in China

The Android-running Dell Mini 3 smartphone officially began its launch sequence today. It's been shipped out to sellers in China today, for release later this month, with a Brazil release to follow later this year. In early 2010 it should hit AT&T and Verizon—we'll see if we care by then. It's a noticeably low-key release, considering it's the first handheld in years from Dell, but it ends up in Remainders due to its current China-only status. [Electronista]

Palm Stock Skyrockets After Nokia Takeover Rumor

Palm stock skyrocketed today, with trading over 15 times heavier than normal, due to an odd rumor that Nokia would be buying the company. It doesn't really make any sense to us—Nokia is really unlikely to be purchasing a competitor to its Symbian line, and buying the beleaguered Palm would be a weird way to try to make gains in the US market. This one plops into Remainders because it's both unlikely and mere financial news, which isn't really that exciting. [Electronista]

Walmart's BlackBerry selection includes:

* AT&T Curve 8310
* AT&T Bold 9000
* Sprint Curve 8330 (Red & Titanium colors)
* T-Mobile 8520 (Black, White, and Frost)
* T-Mobile Pearl 8120 (Emerald)
* Verizon Storm
* Verizon Storm II

So, if any of those phones are on your "must buy" list, then this'll be a good week for it. Keep in mind that while you'll get the gift card immediately with an in store purchase, online shoppers will wait four to six week for the gift cards to arrive in the mail. [Walmart]

Clearly there's plenty of cash to go around for said consultants: Best Buy reported $43 million dollars a few Christmases ago from unused gift cards. For that kind of dough, I want to see a gift card do a little bit more than poorly reproduce my 96kbps MP3s; In the gift card Battlemodo that appears to be taking shape, Target's 1.2MP camera with included USB cord and voucher for 40 free digital prints is still in the lead. Who will be the next challenger? [Best Buy - Thank you, Oscar!]

If daddy is feeling in a particularly giving mood this festive season, you may be unwrapping a pass to Halcyon's on-demand private charter service, but daddy is going to have to be richer and more stupid than your average rich and stupid person (Paris Hilton.) The gift card, titled the Holiday Dream Card, may be used for one-way trips, e.g. for escaping to Rio with all the drug money; round trips, e.g. flying yourself back once you are busted, (beats taking con air); or alternatively, it can be used to show off, which would prove the recipient is the big dawg, but is probably trying to compensate for a tiny twinkle in the willy department—hey, we have to make ourselves feel better somehow. Oh wait, that is a tiny twinkle in my willy department. If only I had Halcyon's Holiday Dream card to compensate. Santa, please? [Bornrich]

However, you could download those songs from iTunes, burn them to a CD, then rip them. Finally, you could play them on the Zune. But that would be illegal. – Charlie White

CompUSA knows how to sell Zunes! (LOL) [MacRumors Forums] (Thanks, JC!)