Yes, Clue: Secrets & Spies is truly a game for this generation. That is to say, it chose to do a half-assed update of a classic franchise rather than creating something new and unique.

Agent Mustard, Agent Scarlet and the rest of the colorful Clue characters are now on assignment to thwart C.L.U.E. (Criminal League for Ultimate Espionage) and take down the evil Agent Black. At the beginning of the game, players check in at Hasbro headquarters via text from their own cellphones. As the game proceeds, Hasbro sends six text messages back to move the action along. An ultraviolet decoder, included with the game's activity cards and other pieces, also reveals information.

We can only hope that this spawns a mediocre movie spin-off, just like the original. [Hasbro via NY Times]

Each player starts with $3 million. They can buy any street in the world to erect houses, stadiums and even skyscapers allowing them to collect more and more daily rent (ranging from $50,000 to $100 million per property). The goal? "Play to beat your friends and the world to become the richest property magnate in existence."

Streets will vary in cost, of course, with the White House's Pennsylvania Ave. listed at $2 million, while Downing Street (London's home to the senior British cabinet) goes for just $231,000. (America, fuck yeah.)

If anyone sees a spot to register, please say so in the comments. So far we've only tracked down the game's official site and blog. And if we don't start playing right when this game starts, we'll lose out on another rare opportunity to be financially humbled by the real estate market. [Monopoly City Streets via Daily Mail via DVICE]

One look at this pic could explain why the project was later discontinued. [Ingenious' Flickr via Robot Stock News]

Much like the Optimus Prime mask demonstrated by our very own Autobot-aspiring Brian Lam, this Bumblebee mask uses the power of three AAs to transform your voice into a modulated mess. The good news, however, is that since it's a mask, few people will know who's wearing the ages five to adult toy. And even fewer people will risk life, limb and general reputation to check. [Hasbro via 2dayBlog via Botropolis]

The Wolverine Electronic Battle Claw, $20, does get a few things right. As said above, the "blades" are retractable. And slashing produces a surely craptastic series of sound effects necessary in any child's toy.

But not only are the plastic claws dull as can be—they're topped with a childproof bulbous surface, ruining any delusions of superhero identity while dually preventing the claw from ever picking your nose...though probably making the toy a bit more pleasant for "my first rectal examination." Seriously though, Hasbro might as well have stabbed my childhood, painted the claws fluorescent orange, and called it a day. [Amazon via Shiny Shiny]

They've made one slight change-no longer can you completely unscrew the lime green bottle for a quick dump-over-the-head grenade attack; it's permanently attached, and refilling goes through a screwtop behind it. In all other ways though, it's the same classic. No battery-powered backpack reservoirs or any other similar ridiculousness in sight.

Man, it feels really good in my hand. You can buy it this spring for 15 bucks; sadly, a year too late for our epic water gun Battlemodo Royale. [Toy Fair 2009]

Its Segway-esque legs dance to the beat of any MP3 player via 3.5mm jack, and its 49 LEDs stay shining like some kind of cybernetic Rhinestone Cowboy. The A.M.P. has touch-sensitive DJ scratching pads and 62 sound effects built in so you can spice up your songs with a little "wiki-wiki", and an IR sensor so he will follow you (and his remote) from room to room and keep the music playing in your direction.

Too bad the A.M.P. costs 500-f'ing-dollars, which won't even buy you a Li-ion battery, since you either plug the knee-high bot into the wall (huh?) or fill it full of D cells. What's this thing made of? SOLID GOLD? It sure dances like it. Bring the price down to $99, and I will buy it. Available in October. [A.M.P., Gearlog]

The model includes these chambers:

• Light-up cockpit with room for four figures.
• Medical bay.
• Secret smuggling compartments to hide from pesky Death Star crews.
• Auto-opening boarding ramp.
• Pivoting gunner station.
• Crew quarters with light-up dejarik table.

Weapons:

• Rotating laser turret fires two missiles and makes weapons sounds.

• 3-missile launcher with blasting sounds.

• Cannon that launches a "laser" missile (whatever that is.)

• Missile-firing mini-fighter inside an opening docking bay that makes electronic boarding and flight sounds (oooook, this is not in the movies unless I missed a secret chapter.)

• Pivoting training probe with lightsaber sounds.

Here are all its features:

• Light-up headlights and loads of electronic vehicle and weapon sounds—engine boost, cruise mode, fly-by, firing cannons, and much more.
• Opening, light-up cockpit can fit up to four figures.
• Remove outer panels to access the ship's interior.
• Authentic movie phrases from Han, Luke, Obi-Wan, C-3PO, Chewbacca, and R2-D2.
• Movie sound effects everywhere.
• Light-up engines.
• Includes Han Solo and Chewbacca and can hold up to 18 figures.

In other words: a whole bunch of pointless, completely unnecessary, and totally amazing plastic junk that arrives 30 years too late, and is a complete must for every 39-yo fanboy—who is going to secretly play with it in the closet, going "pew pew pew" with their voice (screw the built-in sounds).

And yes, perhaps it's not as fun as building your own LEGO version, but it's the closest thing to the movie available. [Galactic Hunter —Thanks Eddie]

Though it sounds painful, we're not totally clear why he's got a teddy bear in one foot, and a rocket in the other. What're your ideas on that, guys?

No info on price or date yet. BUT HULK WANT! [Toyology via Geek alerts]

Playskool says that Kota has sensors in eleven parts of his body that react to the touch and trigger different motions—including some cute horny action—and sounds. They say that the thing will even munch on special leafs, Cookie Monster style. Seriously, this is one of those toys which makes me want to have a three-year-old body rather than just a three-year-old brain. Expect a full butts-on and horny tickling this weekend, live from New York's Toy Fair 2008. [Playskool]

The Room Tech Lamp has a touch sensitive domed head, which allows the user to turn the light on, as well as select from a variety of colors simply by touching it. Additionally, the lamp has a speaker built in that can be hooked up to your MP3 player. The Room Tech duo are due out in September and will retail for £39.99 ($79) each.

Given Gizmodo writers mostly work from their beds, the biggest chore in the morning is turning on the light; we're just too lazy to pull the blinds up. Frankly, how we got by without the Room Tech series is quite beyond us. We're already in line. [Pocket-lint]

Following the steps of Darth Tater, here's another useless but irresistible piece of colored plastic: the Optimash Prime. I don't know who comes up with those names at Hasbro, but only for that I will give them the $9.99 they ask for it. – Jesus Diaz

Product page [Hasbro]

Because it's not a camera, but a Transformer! Hit the jump to see the badass robot that this stupid camera transforms evolves to...

Hasbro has filled their online store with new Transformers. Running a cheap $6.99, there are robots hiding in cellphones, camcorders, and Chinese knockoff Game Boys. It's as if Hasbro knows their demographic is really a bunch of 18 to 100 year-olds who want to pull out a cellphone during their next meeting, only to have it transform in their hand and fire lasers at the boss.

Yes...excellent plan...– Mark Wilson

Product Page [via crave]

They may be goofy, and they may be supremely low tech, but they're definitely made for the nine-year-old boy inside of you. Note: we said the nine-year-old inside of you, not the nineteen-year-old co-ed you have locked up in the basement. By the way, we've called the cops on you Mark Wilson.

More pics after the jump.

– Jason Chen

Seiko Product Hits Retail [Hasbro]

I-CY [Product Page (via ChipChick)]

The Toothtunes brushes come in these songs:

Beach Boys (Fun, Fun, Fun)
Destinys Child (Survivor)
Kelly Clarkson (Walk Away)
Queen (We Will Rock You)
Aly & AJ (Walking on Sunshine)
Black Eyed Peas (Let's Get It Started)
Hilary Duff (Wake Up)
Jesse McCartney (Beautiful Soul)
KISS (Rock & Roll All Night)
The Cheetah Girls (Shake A Tail Feather)
Theme Song from Rocky (Gonna Fly Now)
Village People (YMCA)

–Brian Lam

Tooth Tunes [Toothtunes]