For people with retinal diseases like acute macular degeneration or retinitis pigmentosa, vision is impared because the retina's photo-sensing cells become unreceptive to light; however, the nerves leading from the eye to the brain (the most Monster cables) are generally left in good shape. Implants like this one stimulate the sleepy retina cells with electric current, which is generated from the wirelessly-powered coil surrounding the iris and processed by a microcontroller in the tiny titanium case that sits on the outside of the eyeball.

This iteration is the first to have components small enough to be mostly external, which is less complicated from a bio-rejection standpoint. So to go where lasers can't, hopefully Eye 3.0 tech like this will pick up the slack. [Technology Review]

Having trouble scoring a date? Do the villagers keep knocking on your door with lit torches and pitchforks in hand? Not to worry, there are plenty of gadgets out there that can help get you cleaned up, toned up and *ahem* beefed up for the ladies. But remember, it's not just about looks or how successful you are—women will see right past that to your inner beauty—your sparkling personality. Hahaha! Seriously though...these 10 gadgets can work wonders.

Grooming:

Mangroomer: Alright guys, let's start with the basics. You are never going to find a woman that finds it erotic to run her hands through your back hair. None of this "take me as I am" bs...shave it off with a Mangroomer electric shaver. You are making everyone sick there, Chewbacca. [Amazon via Link]

Goatee Saver: Moving around to the front, we have a contraption designed to keep your goatee neat and clean for the ladies. Just bite down on the clip inside to hold it in place and adjust the frame to the desired width using the gears. Don't expect miracles, though. Not everyone can work a goatee as well as Mark Wilson and I. [GoateeSaver via Link]

Just Kitting Kit: Traveling downtown we have a grooming kit specially designed to not only manage your excessive pubic hair growth, but turn it into a work of art. Each kit comes with a set of stencils that allow you to shape your pubes into patterns like a heart and a star. Unfortunately, there are no balloons, moons, rainbows, horseshoes, hats or pots of gold. [Makeup]

Sunshower Deluxe: If I have to tell you that taking a shower once in awhile is essential for attracting the ladies, there may not be any hope for you. Nonetheless, I will forge ahead with Sentavi's Sunshower Deluxe. It not only gets you clean, it also leaves you with a golden brown tan. [Sentavi via Link]

Exercise:

Treadmill Desk: You're fat—there is no getting around it. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and exercise. Fortunately a number of options exist that are aimed squarely at nerds. This treadmill desk with its five-display setup definitely falls into that category. [Link]

Springflex UB: The treadmill handled your cardio routine, now the Springflex will handle your strength training. As you can see, you never have to leave your precious computer when you do a workout. All you have to do is clamp the Springflex arms to your desk and get crackin' on those puny biceps. [Skymall]

Garmin Forerunner 405: If you can't afford a personal trainer, the Garmin Forerunner 405 may be the next best thing. Users can record data regarding speed, distance, heart rate and location (using built-in GPS) as well as info about courses, goals and specific workouts. It even wirelessly syncs to your computer when you enter the room. [Link]

Abdominal Etching: All the exercise and dieting in the world may not get you that six-pack that you have always wanted. That's where medical science comes to the rescue. In addition to standard liposuction, abdominal etching involves sculpting grooves in the fat layers to emphasize muscle. [Link]

Deception:

Wonderjock: If basic grooming, exercise and plastic surgery are not enough, you could go the extra mile and try to throw women off. For example: the Wonderjock is quite literally a Wonderbra for men. It separates and lifts, pushing your manhood forward—which gives the appearance of enhanced size. Rumor has it that Ewan McGregor bought a ton of them. [Aussiebum]

Ugly Bags: Okay guys, it's the end of the line. If all else fails just put on an ugly bag, turn down the lights and find a woman with poor eyesight. [MyStore]

The nurse applied a series of numbing drops to my eyeball, each stronger than the previous. The doctor clamped my lids back with a metal tool. I felt a bracket hold my eye down and someone in the operating room gave the order, "Suction."

A whirring sound commenced and my eyeball felt like it was being sucked up and out of my skull, elongated like a green grape between a Roman emperor's fingers, ready to burst. The bright blue-white light grew closer. As the pressure killed circulation in the eye things went black and I felt an arcing slice in the surface of my cornea—I did not move my jaw or tongue or mouth, but deep in my throat I uncontrollably whimpered, "THAT HURT!" and hoped no one heard me. I hoped the other eye would not feel the same. It did not, as the drops had actually taken full effect by the time it was sliced open with a beam of light. The rest was, as they said in the brochure, physically painless.

A few days earlier on Linda Del Mar beach, a wave knocked me off my longboard. Under the turbulence, both contact lenses were flushed out of my eyes. It was impossible for me to catch any more waves with the remainder of my eyesight. Although I'd entertained the idea for years on and off, it was right there that I decided to get LASIK done as soon as I could. A friend told me he'd had good success at LasikPlus. Coincidentally, my vision plan gave a hefty discount there, so I figured I would try them out. It was them or the LASIK doctor from Family Guy:

I went for a free consultation. Their office was like any other doctor's office, with one exception. In the middle—behind a giant glass window that everyone in the waiting room could see—was an operating chair situated in between giant boxy machines. They had overhanging beaks positioned as if ready to feast on whoever was strapped into the seat.

The optometrist concluded I was a good candidate for the surgery, based on having light to middle nearsightedness, slight astigmatism and otherwise healthy eyes. She showed me a brochure with all the options I could get: The $900 base package uses a scalpel to cut open the cornea and then a broad UV laser whose every zap removes tissue 1/500th of a human hair in thickness. I opted for the $2000 package, which opened the cornea with a laser instead of a scalpel and tracked a custom map of my eye's irregularities, treating it sector by sector. This wavefront guided analysis is the same tech NASA used to detect and counter irregularities in high-powered telescopes. This would reduce halos around bright lights and "dramatically improve vision." According to a study I do not know enough about to believe, it was more likely to better than 20/20 vision with such a package than without. The Navy recommends this version of LASIK for its aviators. And if it's good enough for Top Gun, it was good enough for me, regardless of cost. (These quotes are per eye.)

I was surprised to discover when I went in later that others were getting the basic surgery. I winced as one lady's eye was cut by a scalpel in a device akin to a carpenter's plane. Another lady—whose husband was getting it later depending on how hers went—complained about night vision problems but didn't opt for the costlier halo-reducing procedure. I found this astounding considering the banners on LasikPlus's site offering 0% financing.

Someone asked the nurse what the difference was between the cheap and the expensive LASIK and she said something that might not have been exactly endorsed by the company: The expensive one was like high-definition TV and the cheaper one was like standard-definition, but they both get the job done. I thought to myself, "Like hell standard definition gets the job done!" Yet everyone in the room nodded as if they were still using VHS at home.

On the Saturday before the lasering, I had gone surfing with my contacts but was told to wear glasses for the next three days to ready my eyes for the operation. Hard lenses need to be left out for 4-6 weeks before surgery since they greatly affect the shape of the eyeball.

Wearing my glasses again, I appreciated the nice titanium frames and ultrathin glass. I realized there was a lot to be said for how glasses made me feel. In 7th grade, I'd noticed difficulty making out the blackboard, but avoided getting them and got through math class by squinting. The teacher reported me to the nurse, and I got stuck with some hideous gold colored ones with horn rimmed earpieces. I felt self conscious in them, almost diminished.

That feeling went away as I grew up and earned some nerd pride, but I have always allowed myself to say geekier things and do more socially awkward things when wearing them. I could futz with my phone instead of carrying on in a group conversation, push my glasses up my nose and laugh slightly louder than usual at slightly stupider things, and expect people to chalk it up to nerdiness. I think I might miss this, for all the advantages of having laser-enhanced vision.

On the day of the operation, the doctor spoke to the patients in the waiting room. The entire procedure would take about 15 seconds per eye. There was nothing we could possibly do to cause the surgery to fail, but please do not shake our legs. (?!?) Lisa asked me at least 5 times if I was scared. It made me wonder if I looked scared, because I didn't think I was scared and if I looked scared that means I was so scared I didn't even realize it. Which all freaked me out. A lot.

Once my corneas were cut open and I experienced that initial pain, I was definitely frightened, and escaped to a corner of my mind where I would not think too much about all the things they were doing to my eyes and what my life would be like if I happened to be the "less than 1%" of patients with vision-reducing complications.

I was already in this mental cone of silence when the doctor lifted up the covers of my eyeball flaps using what looked like metal chopsticks, mixing around a stir fry while I watched, first-person perspective, from within the wok. I was shifted under the largest machine in the room, its eye a flashing red/orange light. It reminded me of a Discovery Channel feature on exploding stars. There was a sound, a clicking like that from a Tesla coil, and the smell of ozone, which went on for 15 seconds as the nurse counted down. My eyes were clamped, and I felt I was being burned alive (even though LASIK's UV laser does no thermal damage to tissue). I was told not to attempt to move or blink, which of course, makes you move and blink. The muscles in my eye fought the devices holding me steady, and before I could calm myself down, the laser had already stopped.

The doctor finished my second eye, and had me sit up. There was fog everywhere and contrast was abysmal, but my vision had improved by measures of sharpness. I slept in the car ride home as Lisa drove, and as the painkillers wore off. The hard part began: I was to avoid all optical stimulation and sleep the rest of the day. At one point, I could handle it no longer and I checked my email. All of it.

I was told that the next morning I would have a miraculous, life-changing experience as I woke up without any need for glasses or contacts. Actually, it was not so miraculous. My healing eyes could see somewhat sharply but with a lot of haze. It was similar to sleeping with my contacts in. I took off the racquetball-style eye shield I was to sleep with for a week, and began the steroid and antibiotic eye-drop treatment, which I'd also keep up for a week. I got dressed and went for my check up appointment. And that was when the miracle happened.

I got in front of that damn eye chart and, even through the haze, smoked the exam's 20/20 line. Had my eyes been clearer, I would have read the letters on the 20/15 line, too. Not bad for $4K, a laser in my eyes for less than a minute and a day's worth of healing.

After I get used to the sharpness, I am sure I will be worried about being one of the few percentage of people who walk away from LASIK dissatisfied. (Wikipedia cites four studies that indicate post-op satisfaction anywhere from 92% to 98%, but that's still a lot of people pissed off.) Even if things go perfectly, they say it will take 3-6 months to heal completely, during which my vision will be irregular. Eyeballs might be dryer at times than I'd want them to be. The biggest problems I have now are the night time halos, which supposedly will improve over time, especially with the wavefront guided method my eyes were carved up with and the terrible, terrible bloodshot I have from the suction device. They say this may take a few weeks to clear up, and while I'm waiting, I have been wearing sunglasses at night and apologizing for them. Annoying.

None of this bothers me much, save the fact that newer, better, safer technology will come around sooner or later, and my eyes may end up as out-of-date as back-to-school iPods. There is talk of using the laser to cut the flap, which is of lower disruption to the corneal tissue, to complete the entire operation, soon. And I do not know if my eyes will be forward-compatible, having already been sliced. Still, for now I remain top-of-the-line, and I would gladly endure 10 times the (mostly imaginary) pain of LASIK to gain the quality of eyesight found in elite Major League Baseball pitchers.

[Thanks to Lisa for feeding me, driving me home and taking that video.]

Spinal cord simulators are nothing new, but the size of the Eon Mini combined with the fact that it is easily recharged make it a viable solution for people with severe back problems or other chronic conditions. Unfortunately, it may be awhile before you can have one implanted for your bad back, gimpy knee and pesky RSI. [LiveScience]

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I imagine they're ducking eye-laser beams over in the Bloomberg newsroom, being volleyed all the way from Cupertino. More at: [Gawker]

Glaucoma, a disease that causes a loss of cells in the optic nerve, is the second leading cause of blindness worldwide. Unlike the first leading cause, cataracts, it's irreversible, making the ability to keep tabs on warning signs even more crucial. UC Davis will start clinical trials of the smart contact lenses in humans soon. [UC Davis via io9]

The system works by linking the individual pixels of the sensor with flexible wires, which allow the sensor itself to take any shape necessary. This will result in more efficient and compact lenses for endoscopes and, potentially, the aforementioned artificial eyes. Right now the biggest sensor they've made only has 256 pixels, but apparently the manufacturing process is similar to current sensors so the researchers are confident they can scale it up quickly. [Medgadgets]

[Yanko]

“This is Steve Jobs. You think I’m an arrogant [expletive] who thinks he’s above the law, and I think you’re a slime bucket who gets most of his facts wrong.”

What followed was Jobs setting the record straight and spilling the beans about his health.

After agreeing to an off-the-record conversation, Jobs proceeded to tell Nocera that he didn't have cancer. All he had, what made him look thinner than usual, was something else that wasn't threatening his life. Nocera revealed this in an NYT article today, arguing that, while Jobs is not obligated by law to disclose his personal health as CEO of Apple, he should do it, for the interest of investors.

Should he really?

For sure, Steve Jobs' health is extremely important to Wall Street. After all, Jobs' unique vision is credited as the main factor of Apple's success. At least, that's the legend. A legend created by writers and analysts, who love to embellish history and make heroes (and villains) ignoring many other factors and actual history.

The truth is that, while there's no doubt that Steve Jobs is The Man, people should also look at all the facts. With any complex system, like Apple's, there are many variables that have contributed to the company's success during these years, starting with luck but, above all, the talent of the rest of the directors (Schiller, Rubinstein, Ive, to name a few) and, specially, the amazing engineers working at Apple, along with the hard work and dedication of the rest of the employees.

But let's forget about the pure facts. Let's trash any logical analysis and assume that Steve is the only guy responsible for Apple's success.

Should he disclose his health then, for the sake of the shareholders?

He doesn't have to.

His health doesn't have to be a public matter because he is perceived as the Hero who resurrected Apple. Not only because that's not entirely true, and Apple is not Steve, but "Steve + A Whole Lot More," but because private health is something that only concerns the individual and his freedom, independently of his role in companies and societies.

You don't have to go far to see clear examples of this, and how not disclosing a medical condition didn't affect the course of anything (actually, quite the contrary). Take US presidents, for example. Was FDR less of a president because he hid his medical condition from the American public? What about John F. Kennedy, who never disclosed his Addison's disease, even when asked specifically about it?

The answer is clear. FDR and JFK were in much higher positions, with much greater power, and in extremely difficult situations. Situations that would have really changed the world. Yet, they didn't disclose their medical conditions. They didn't make people lose. On the contrary, they made people win. One won a war and the other took us to the Moon. And what's more, it wasn't—and it isn't—illegal for them to hide it: It's not a crime for a president to withhold information about his or her health. In fact, it's their right not to disclose it.

So, if people with a lot more responsibility than Jobs kept their medical life secret, why should the Apple CEO disclose all the details about his, especially when these details are not about a life-threatening illness? Because of the investors? Because of a journalist who wants to tell a BIG story? Nocera argues, like some analysts, that it would be a disaster for Apple's stock and that's why people should be kept in the loop.

I disagree. And I think that anyone who values their private life, the most intimate part of themselves, their own bodies, would agree too, no matter if you are a fanboy, a hateboy, a journalist or an investor.

What's more: The fact is that I don't believe investors would leave Apple if Jobs leaves. Watching the people there now, watching how the iPhone steamrolls the competition, the iPod and iTunes and the Mac keep growing, people will stay. Probably some speculators will sell at first. After all, we are all human and have emotional reactions. But, after a while, it would be just fine. And one day, if the company as a whole fails, then the company will die. But many companies have survived the loss of CEOs as talented as Jobs. IBM didn't die. Disney didn't die. Sony didn't die.

As brilliant as Steve Jobs is, Apple will survive after he leaves. Personally, I just hope that he'll stay for as long as he wants. He's good for the industry and the world, because what Apple does keeps pushing technology forward. Hopefully he'll leave because he wants to, to live a long life, and not because of any illness.

But if he leaves because of a fatal illness, I'm positive that he'll step down and the board will elect someone else. Like they did before. That will be business as usual. Just like business was normal when he was off for cancer surgery and treatment. Nothing happened, everything worked as expected.

Until that day, Steve Jobs has the right to keep his medical records private for as long as he wants. Like FDR. Like JFK. Like any single person in this country and in the world. It's our right, as humans, to do so, as recognized by the United Nations.

And common sense. [NYT]

The FDA's just okayed it for marketing in the US, so it may be coming to an OR near you soon. [Peak Surgical via Medgadget]

Most recently, HealthMap detected the salmonella outbreak in the U.S., which has sickened over 1,000 people, long before the Center for Disease Control announced that it was happening. By alerting officials and doctors to the most likely diseases in their area, the web tool could help make health care much more efficient and precise. [Discovery]

Given the relatively small amount of funding and the potential ethical roadblocks the military would run into trying to develop a skin gun, my guess is that we probably won't see a device like this in our local pharmacy anytime soon. But it is interesting to think that it could be possible somewhere down the line. [Pop Sci via io9 via DVICE]

[Yanko]

To be honest, I don't think the world really needs a Bluetooth headset, heart rate monitor combo—but a modified S9 that would allow users to increase volume, change tracks or answer calls with touch sensitive panels seems promising. However, like any other patent application, there is no guarantee either of these products will ever see the light of day. [Cellpassion]

I never thought about this before, but driving around in a car can be especially dangerous for people with severe cases of diabetes. Fortunately for them (and everyone else on the road), a company called Medtronic Diabetes has unveiled its new M-POWERED car—a Lincoln sedan fitted with a system that wirelessly connects a patient's glucose monitor with the dashboard. Once connected, the system will continually update the driver's on his/her health status via audio and visual cues. There is no word on whether or not this system will actually be available for patients anytime soon however. [Medgadget]

One of the major problems with home gym equipment is that it is bulky and often requires a dedicated room of the house to use. That is why, in my opinion, the future of home gyms will be equipment that is designed to blend in with the decor. A few weeks ago I came across a concept that attempts to tackle that design challenge, but the final product leaves much to be desired. I'm a certified personal trainer—and if I were to design a piece of functional exercise furniture, I would like to think that it would be something similar to Gabriel Prero's Otto-Bench.

The Otto-Bench conceals an adjustable bench with an Olympic press and free weights inside a stylish ottoman—it even looks as though a leg press could be incorporated into the design. Obviously, it does not give you all of the variety that a commercial gym can offer, but it does offer a good set of basics—which is a good thing because there are plenty of manufacturers out there that try and cram too much into a design making it confusing and impractical to use. To be honest, you would be surprised at the amount of things you can do with a simple bench and some weights. It even won a design competition put on by Life Fitness, so don't be surprised if you see an actual product based on the Otto-Bench design sometime in the future. [Otto-Bench via Born Rich]

Obviously, this type of technology would give the wearer the advantage of knowing exactly when they need to replenish nutrients in order to maintain or increase performance. The project is currently in the testing phase, but if all goes well these garments could make their way into the fat, sweaty hands of regular consumers sometime in the near future. [Biotex via Popsci]

Not surprisingly, there will be a number of obstacles standing in DARPA's way. The putty will have to not only be strong and flexible, but it will have to bond well with bone and feature a similar internal structure. Whether or not this goal can be achieved remains to be seen, but a meeting has been scheduled for July 1st in Virginia to begin the process. [FBO via Wired]

After being tased, the electrodes that had been monitoring his condition were re-attached, and it was then that the doctors realized that the patient's heart had returned its normal rhythm. Apparently, this is the first time anyone has heard of a taser actually correcting an irregular heartbeat, but the role that the taser played in the patient's recovery is debatable. Many believe that it could have occurred as the result of his treatment with a beta blocker, or that it was a simple spontaneous event that occurred with impeccable timing. [WSJ]

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The Verdict: As a personal trainer myself, I welcome any device that will motivate people to work out on their own—especially when outside of the gym. However, far too many of the gadgets that exist for this purpose are gimmicky and serve only to clutter up a garage after a few weeks of use. Unfortunately, I have to group the Gamercize GZ PC-Sport Power Stepper into this category.

Just to be clear, let me start off by saying that the device does what it is supposed to do. If you exercise, you can use the peripheral device hooked up to the machine. If you slack off, it will hijack the device until you get back on track. That having been said, I was a bit miffed about the machine's reliance on batteries. Both the power stepper display and the controller require them (one AA and three AAAs respectively). If the batteries die, it will probably be a while before they are replaced—and that could be the perfect window for unmotivated users to stop their workouts.

Another problem is that steppers of this type don't exactly provide an intense full-body workout (users can choose to hook the device up to an existing stepper with a 3.5mm jack connector). Sure, there are five different intensity levels to choose from and it will burn some calories, but the bottom line is this: If you are going to town on this thing at the office, your co-workers are going to plot against you inside five minutes. As you can hear in the video, the sounds of the power stepper would eventually drive anyone around you into a murderous rage. Even if you only used the device in private, trying to type on a keyboard or use a mouse while stepping can get annoying real fast. It's like trying to thrash on a drum kit and sing at the same time. It's just plain unnatural.

Finally, you are going to need a big desk and some short legs if you want to use the GZ PC-Sport Power Stepper correctly. I'm tall and my legs were up in my chest during the workouts—and adjusting the height of the steps on the machine only serves to reduce your range of motion which, in turn, reduces the effectiveness of the machine. Again, just about any type of workout is better than nothing, but you could get more out of your $200 by getting a gym membership and using your lunch hour for a quick 30-minute workout. [Gamercize]

Above, me at 30. Below, only five years earlier. Life is cruel.

The Basics
Wii Fit the game has special hardware: an electronic sensing balance board the size of a car floor mat. It doesn't just take stock of the pounds you've packed on. The board can tell where my feet are in a two dimensional grid using four sensors, and measure pressure within fractions of pounds, 60 times a second. Nintendo's parlayed the board's capabilities into a watchful eye, taking stock of your balance and skill in several exercises. The 50+ drills take about 1-6 minutes each, and are spread across yoga, strength, aerobics and balance. At first, I entered my height and the board measured my weight. It used both to calculate my body/mass index. It's here that the board told me I was overweight, and the debate is out whether or not that is from the extra mass in my legs or the ring of lard around my waist. (BMI does not account for body fat %.) Next, the game challenged me with some basic agility tests, and combined those results with my BMI to get my Wii Fit Age. I scored a Wii fitness level appropriate for a 48-year-old. (My real age is 30.) Humiliated, I set a goal to lower my BMI (and weight) by a few notches within the next few weeks and improve my general fitness.

Me Before: Eat whatever I want, exercise a lot, get buff.
Me Now: Too out of shape to do any sports, hate going to the gym, think yoga is boring.
Me Now: I guess I can play 30 minutes of Wii Fit for a work break.

Living With Wii Fit
I used the exercises in the yoga section to warm up. There's a decent variety of poses here, from simple breathing exercises to ballet-like poses that'll challenge even the most balanced and flexible. Being neither at this point, I enjoyed the static subtle workouts my feet, leg, hips, core back and abdominal muscles received. All the while, the trainer will encourage you with compliments about your ability to remain static in a stance, or chide you for wobbling. Previous to this, my experience with yoga included a class from some hippie with the last name Love. I was bored out of my mind, but Wii fit made it fun. The short duration of each test, along with the earning of a few "Wii Fit credits" for every few minutes of exercise.

Me Before: 100 explosive push-ups, no sweat.
Me Now: 10 explosive push-ups, no sweat
Me With Wii Fit: 10 slow-paced push-ups, with planks in between each repetition. Lots of sweat.

I earned credits for other types of exercises, too. The strength training has a focus on the core and legs, which I agree with as the most important in general power. There are squats and lunges for the legs, but no calf raises. There are planks and jack knifes for my abs, but no crunches or leg raises. There are slow push-ups interspersed with planks for shoulder, chest and tricep strength. Note: There is no opposite exercise for the biceps. I nitpick about drills I'd like to see the game recommend because over the months you'll want to cross train or your body will fall into a rut. The good news is that you won't get bored too fast: to unlock all the basic exercises takes a good number of hours, and I'd gather impossible to do within a week unless you're very fit already. But the available exercises are good basics and were challenging at the controlled slow pace that the game has you perform them at. I did some drills with dumbells to make things more challenging at times, and would probably work a medicine ball and some outdoor activities into the mix for variety.

Me Before: Run five miles for a warmup before training. Like a gazelle.
Me Now: Hate running. Get tired being pulled along by a 10-pound dog. Haven't thrown a real punch with any heat on it in years.
Me With Wii Fit: Running in place around my living room is pathetic. At least I'm sweating. If my friends from the boxing gym could see my now they'd laugh and cry. At least I'm in my own home, blinds down.

Aerobic workouts were definitely capable of making me sweat. I enjoyed jogging through a virtual park; the step class was not challenging; the hula hoop games are the most fun. But the most intense drill happened to be the advanced six-minute boxing drill. (The foot and hand combinations get complicated, requiring me to think while trying to react quickly, and the end-of-round bonus punching free-for-all added a nice bit of exhaustion to the workout.)

Me Before: Stand on one leg for as long as I'd like.
Me Now: No matter how much I use it or walk on it, the left leg is shaky from it being broken and pinned together a degree pigeon-toed.
Me With Wii Fit: Doing one-legged drills on my left is making my balance a lot better, very quickly.

Balance games are parlor games that encourage you to develop dynamic control in shifting your body weight. One game had me smashing soccer balls with my head while dodging cleats (hated it) but the best were the ski jumps, slalom and snowboarding emulators. (I could play those all day.)

While Wii Fit supports profiles for you and your friends and family, there is no versus mode. To challenge each other in ski jumping, for example, you either had to log Wii Fit credits on each other's accounts or back out to the main menu and reload your profile. That's a waste, because some of the best workouts I've had with Wii Fit were my matches with buddies.

After a Week
I used Wii Fit to track my fitness and focused on longer workouts of +40 minutes, with days off in between. My Wii fit age, largely by improvements in balance, improved to 31. While I don't think I burned much fat off (Ice Cream Wins Every Time) a week really isn't long enough to show real results in this regard. That said, I'm not sure you're going to stay sane doing 30 minutes of cardio in your living room, but people do such a thing on gym StairMaster machines all the time, so what the hell do I know. I also feel stronger from doing the sit-ups, squats and push-ups. Not necessarily strong, but taut.

90 Minutes of Wii Fit at 30x Speed

(An excuse to make a video using Joe Esposito's excellent track, You're the Best, from the Karate Kid.)

Me Before: Eat two hamburgers, run five miles right after, gain no weight.
Me Now: Eat at a hamburger while doing a blog post in five minutes, gain weight.
Me with Wii Fit: Eat at a hamburger, do a week of Wii Fit, don't gain weight.

Long-term Motivation: Habit Forming by Shame
I'd never been a fan of the gym commute's inefficiency. Making an hour's worth of travel, parking and changing just to do an hour of solitary weightlifting seems like a waste of time. Using the Wii Fit for a few minutes at home is a lot easier, and because of that and the way it would graph my efforts, I found the barrier to exercising much lower and the motivation to do even a little bit of activity much greater. In other words, Wii Fit brings video game addiction to my exercise regimen, and my body is the bloated scoreboard.

Every day, I'd check my body age and weight, and every day, I'd become more and more aware of my fitness. Did I gain a few pounds? Wii Fit made me admit if it was from night snacking on Haagen Daz or overeating (Answer: Both.) Did I miss a day of training? Wii Fit reminded me. And every day, the Fit never neglected to reinforce that I was currently "overweight" and weaker than I should be, while encouraging me with cheers of "good job" during exercises. It was very effective, like having a personal trainer. Except, not really.

Me Before: Couldn't take a day off from exercising without feeling guilty.
Me Now: Eats lots of ice cream when stressed at work. Can't take a day off from work without feeling guilty. Don't generally give a shit about exercise.
Me With Wii Fit: I feel guilty skipping exercise or eating crap both, but feel good when the Wii Fit says I'm strong or am doing a good job.

See, Wii Fit asks you to set goals of gaining weight (presumably muscle) or losing weight (presumably fat) but unlike a trainer, never ever goes as far as to customize your workouts to achieve this goal. I'd tend towards working out very hard on one day (1+ hour) and then taking a day off in between to build strength and power. The game offers no such advice. Another gripe: along with the lack of recommended training regimens, there's no way to have the game automatically step you through a circuit of exercises. Consequently, screwing with menus makes it so that a 45-minute workout includes 30 minutes of fiddling to choosing exercises, etc. That's a waste of time. A trainer would also differentiate between me being overweight or simply muscular.

What It Isn't
I suppose the first step in appreciating it is to treat it like a healthy video game, not a replacement for the gym. Not a personal trainer. Not a set of free weights. Not a bicycle. You won't make it to six-minute mile shape. Or 12 rounds of boxing shape. You won't be able to even run swiftly or jump high or swim far or do pull-ups, let alone build skills in an actual sport any more than Wii Baseball teaches you how to hit home runs. And why shouldn't you get in shape while learning a skill and coordination, too? No one is ever going to get past basic fitness by only playing Wii Fit alone.

If you need a little help getting into shape for the first time or back to your former glory, Wii Fit is the coolest, most interactive and kind way to ease your bloated body back into activity. And for serious athletes, it's a fun supplemental tool for measuring weight over time, and for improving balance on your days off. It's real exercise, but mild compared to what you'd get with free weights or running or swimming.

Let's put it this way: While I exercised a total of seven hours in a week with Wii Fit, I probably burned about a combined 1000 calories. Even though my muscles feel significantly tighter, even in just seven days, I easily wiped that weigh-loss potential away with the single pint of ice cream I ate watching Lost.

So what's it good for? In fitness, no machine can ever replace the drive to be healthy. Not Bowflex, not Thighmaster, and not Wii Fit. The real difference here is that Wii Fit builds fitness consciousness, reminding us of our body's state of being, chiding us for bad habits while encouraging the good. And this is while building up the basic fitness necessary to start doing high intensity workouts or sports. It makes exercise feel like a video game, and we all know we can have fun playing those for hours.

P. S. Nintendo, thank you for the grippy Wii Fit socks.

UPDATE: OK, 16 minutes in, I'm tired and my back is spasming a little. The balance exercises have rendered the bottoms of my feet useless. The board's quality is very high, although you're not supposed to jump on it. And the sensors are accurate. I'm not sure what I think of it. Give me a few days to get used to having Fit around.

Sure, it is Earth-friendly and it could come in handy during a power outage, but the product site is also billing the device as a great upper and lower body workout. And let's face it, there is nothing more satisfying than turning on your MP3 player and knowing that each song was powered by your own sweat and tears. Available for around $141. [Rakuten via TFTS]

The cheapest option, the Basic Pack, contains a proprietary blend of saline solution and Vitamins B6, B12 and C. For a couple thousand yen more, a user can add on a combination of nine other drip bags, with options like Red Pack for an energy lift, Diet Pack for a metabolism boost and Placenta Pack for "rejuvenation."

The cafe is operated by a subsidiary of a medical clinic, but is unsurprisingly not covered by Japan's national health insurance. A doctor at Tenteki10 calls the IV drip service "preventive medicine" and stresses that it's an option for people to "raise their awareness of daily health management on their own." Right. As if anyone would go to an IV drip bar and then decide to exercise, eat right and get enough sleep. [Japan Today via DVICE]

The result is a medical scanner that is ultra-portable and inexpensive enough to make an impact in developing countries. Tests have also determined that the amount of data sent should not prove problematic for the system. In fact, the size of the data in a recent study amounted to less than 6 kilobytes. That having been said, the researchers behind the project hope to go a step further and couple ultrasound scanners with cellphones, which could potentially reduce the cost of a typical $70,000 machine to $1000 or less. Ultrasounds for everyone! [LiveScience]

Now, where was I? Ah yes, in a pod somewhere in Tunbridge Wells, England. f the claims of the Alpha-Oxy peeps are to believed, this is what an hour or so in a disco pod will bestow upon you.

Relaxation, weight loss, energy, pain relief, body wraps, massage, skin care, sleep, meditation and detoxification. A session will rejuvenate and relax you, reduce stress, increase circulation, detoxify your body, reduce cellulite, relieve pain, improve your sleep and generally pamper you back to vibrant health.