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Why Can't Siri Help Me Be Less of a Drunk Dialing Schmuck?

So I find this clip of the Ellen Degeneres show. Some dude in the audience gets down on a knee, pops the question to his girlfriend, and she says no. He's f*cking crushed and, I figure, will need a drink or 17 before the evening is over. But, as any recently dumped individual knows, the worst thing you can do in this… » 12/15/11 10:40pm 12/15/11 10:40pm