Look at this doofus talking about the Israel crisis while shuffling cards on a giant touchscreen. I don't speak French, but Mario Aguilar says he does and, at the end, this guy says "I am a complete piece of shit, I hate myself." Well, he doesn't really say that, but he's probably thinking it. [The Next Web]
A UK man noticed an unidentified 'flying' object in the night sky and said it flashing a bright white light into his home. He called the police trying to explain his situation. The police dutifully logged it down until... the same guy called back later and apologized, saying it was only the Moon.
Well, it was a big week for morons and trains. There is clearly some kind of locomotive Darwinism at work, but miraculously both of these dipshits survived. We hope these serve as a warning to not ever be this stupid.
Earlier this week, heroic Brooklynite Jonathan Berg managed to accomplish something that was simultaneously accomplished by a mere 2.5 million other Brooklynites: not get killed by a weak-sauce earthquake. And then immortalized said accomplishment with a tattoo. Oh, Jonathan.
What do you do when you used to have some songs that were on the radio a decade ago, but nobody really thinks about you anymore? Why, walk around the streets of Manhattan with a giant, conspicuous, idiotic iPhone handset.
I would have assumed this was within the bounds of common sense, but, you know, you can never be too careful. Apparently the notion wasn't obvious to this fellow, who blew apart an entire gas station through his idiot-curiosity.
There are plenty of great ways to murder someone. Poison in the champagne, ninja star, running them over with a tractor—but whatever you do, don't try to solicit a hitman with your Facebook status.
Oh, boy. After running the plates of a suspicious vehicle and finding an outstanding arrest warrant, Birmingham police pulled over and searched the car in question. Inside the found a man, his lady friend, and a live grenade from WWII. He's been using it, he says, as a paperweight.
There's apparently more than one man who thinks it's a fantastic idea to strap a home AC unit to a car and drive it around. This Toyota Camry station wagon, snapped by a bug-eyed Jalopnik reader, has the AC strapped on the back, instead of the top, so that it can easily kill whoever's tailgating behind him if the…
Thomas Martel surgically altered his thumbs with a new technique called "whittling" to better enable his naturally oversized digits to use his iPhone. The plastic surgeon made a small incision to each thumb, shaved down the bones, and even made some enhancements to his muscles and fingernails.
Rubik's Cubes too hard to solve? Try out this Idiot's Cube, and you'll never feel inferior to Will Smith again. Plus, it's a pretty inexpensive way to tell someone they're too stupid to figure out a real puzzle. Just in time for Mother's Day!
When installing Vista, don't be like Chen and accidentally delete your old Windows XP OS partition because you weren't paying attention and thought it was your other XP OS partition. You know, the one you wanted to get rid of.
We've seen criminals use technology in their favor, but this is one of those cases where it works against them. An 18-year old kid in Wales had his friends film him as he swiped a pair of glasses off a charity worker on the street. He then posted the video on YouTube and got busted by the cops, which let him get away…
Here's a video of a lucky thief lifting a laptop from a computer store. We say lucky because the guy looks super conspicuous, wearing an oversized coat while store workers rock short sleeve t-shirts. He walks around like a spaz, pacing and fidgeting. And if that weren't enough to give the whole caper away, all of a…