Better still, for squeamish emergency room pansies like myself, this is a "brief" outpatient procedure, say the inventors at VisionCare Ophthalmic Technologies.

Just pop a telescope in your bad eye and you'll be avoiding home furniture by the evening. Well, after a round of intense physical therapy anyway. It seems the new vision takes some getting used to, although none of the 200 patients who tested this over the past five years reported any falling down or injury, said Dr. Henry Hudson, a retina specialist in Tuscon.

And while the devices won't allow patients to view faraway stars (not that powerful), they will allow them to see partial faces where there was once a gaping hole in their vision. "People can use it to recognize faces in a social setting," said Dr. Janet P. Szlyk. "That's a huge advance."

A Food and Drug Administration advisory panel gave the tele-eyes their unanimous approval in March, and the full board is expected to give its blessing later this year. Europe is already using it. [NYT via Nick Bilton's Twitter]

It also, one would think, looks pretty awesome to wear. All we have to go on now are these illustrations, but I would love to see this in actual use. The device has finished clinical trials, and experts on ophthalmic devices have unanimously recommended FDA approval. Amazing stuff.

[VisionCare via Medgadget]

I implanted a RFID chip in my hand. I injected the chip myself from supplies bought on the internet. This tag is readable from up to 2 inches from my hand.

I am currently using it to open my handgun safe for instant access. I can have a gun in hand in one second in blackness without fumbling with buttons or codes.

If you are convinced that this is the "Mark of the Beast", then from one Christian to another I hope you read the Book of Revelation and apply more understanding to it that what you hear from those who only offer fear.

Get your Gideons/veterinary surgery kits out and check out Quethe's full posting at BoingBoing Gadgets or YouTube [BBG]

Yeah, so long as you're kidnapped while wearing your GPS transmitter fanny pack (and your attackers don't mind you keeping it), you'll be fine. I guess it might make sense if you're going to be alone in a seedy neighborhood late at night to go ahead and strap up, but still, at this price, it seems like Xega (who seem to be mysteriously without a website yes, here it is, thanks guys, it's Friday) is just capitalizing on people's fears with a bogus safety net. And successfully, too—the company claims they've sold the service to over 2,000 people. [Reuters, Image: Amal Graafstra's OG RFID implants]

Adjustable Breast Augmentation CIrcumvents "Implantee Remorse" [Medgadget]

The tiny 1.5mm chip flexes in response to low intensity light, stimulating nerves that send visual info on to the brain. The actuator has now been built by engineer Laxman Saggere of the University of Illinois at Chicago; no word on when we'll see this technology implemented in the real world.

Solar-powered implant could restore vision [NewScientist, via treehugger]

Scientists at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory filed a patent earlier this month for eye and ear implants that can be controlled from outside the implantee's body. The patent application discusses things like magnetic forces and electrode arrays, but as far as we can make out it's not anywhere near as amazing as how your mom still gets you to clean your room from 100 miles away.

Remote Controlled Implants On The Way [personaltechpipeline, thanks, Luku!]
United States Patent Application 20060052656 [US Patent & Trademark Office]

The system has been used successfully in dogs for the past six months and MicroCHIPS Inc. is saying that it should begin human testing within five years.

Researchers deliver drugs using wireless implant [Via Tech Dirt]

Project: Chipped [Electric Clothing]