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Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
10/05/09
10/05/09
I remember once I got stuck behind goddamn Superman at the Starbucks. Kal-El stood there staring at the menu board for 10 minutes, debating between a mochaccino and a venti Pike's Place with a double-shot and a little foam. I'm like "Dude, it's fucking Starbucks. How do you not know what you're ordering?" Keep in mind, it's like 3:00 so there's a line out the door because it's the afternoon coffee break.
Anyway, Supes flirts with the barista chick for another 3 minutes. Really. Flirting with the barista chick. Does he flirt with the girl at the counter at Five Guys too?
He finally settles on a Mochaccino with an extra shot. Because that's what this town needs - a hypercaffeinated dork in tights with laser vision and superstrength. Well, because Superman has evidently just discovered the concept of the coffee shop, he's forgotten that he has to pay. That's right Last Son of Krypton! On our planet, payment is expected for goods and services.
Superdouche does the whole "Oops, I musta left my wallet in my other tights" joke. That routine was old when LBJ was in office. After fumbling and trying to con BG (Barista Girl) into getting a jolt on the house, he reaches down pulls his money clip out of his boots. I swear to God - Big Blue carries his money in his boots like he's a 10 year-old.
I totally would have told that muscle-bound butt-nugget off if I wasn't afraid of him shooting 100,000 rads of X-rays into my brain with his X-ray vision.
Moral of the story - do-gooders need to stay the fuck out of the Starbucks or I'll spike the nonfat thermos with kryptonite.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
It must totally burn your booties have to get your internet and cable service from Luthorcom.
By the way - Krypton didn't blow up. It's doing just fine. That whole unstable planet core and boom story is BS. Planets don't just blow up, alientard.
You were sent to Earth because your parents didn't want you.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
I don't care if you live in a lousy flophouse on the east side. I don't care if your girlfriend is a slut, and I don't care if you have some sort of weird relationship with your aunt. Just buy your goddamn breakfast sandwich so I can get to work.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
The brat is richer than he lets on. His family had really good life insurance. He just plays poor to come across as edgy. He's really living off the insurance payoff, as well as the money he rakes in as a staff photog. Have you seen the Bugle's circulation. It's got about 1 million readers in the city, plus the gossip page is read across the country. Reading it is standard like reading US Weekly and Variety.
Parker does a whole shitton of portrait crap for hire for his hipster pals. Next time he plays poor at the cart, punch him in the back of the head.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
Look, I could try and explain to you who attacked my planet and how it got destroyed, but I truly doubt your infinitesimally sized human brain could cope with the complexity of the situation. Just understand that if my parents didn't want me, I would be killed off like any malformed Kryptonian has been at birth: I would have been forced to ingest liquified Kryptonite. The fact that I wasn't is testament to your lack of knowledge on the subject and our customs.
Truly, I don't even know why we're having this discussion. My life has NOT be relegated to arguing nonsense with one who goes by what is, without a doubt, the most feminine animal on this planet.
Next time you see me at Starbucks, thank your God that I've even slowed down enough to become perceptible to those lacking eyes of yours. And don't even THINK about THINKING about cock-blocking me around BG.
10/05/09
Man, you guys got off easy. Ever been stuck behind Hawkman at Starbucks?
Feathers.
EVERYWHERE.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
New York City covers 300 sq. miles. Now, consider that the average mugging or bodega robbery takes less than 10 minutes. Let's say Spidey is hanging out at Union Square. If a deli in Hunt's Point gets robbed, by the time he shows up, all that he'll be able to do is sweep up glass.
Seriously. That crimefighter schtick is just plain impossible. Spidey can't stop a purse snatching in time. The guy will be gone by the time Spiderman is on the scene.
All those photos: staged. It simply is not plausible to be fighting crime in a major metropolis. And even if it was, last time I checked, vigilantism was illegal.
10/05/09
10/05/09
There is one saving grace to getting stuck in line with him though. Everyone tries not to laugh but they're all snickering anyway. People are sucking in their cheeks, pouting their lips while flapping their hands like flippers behind his back. Then one guy slips on a puddle left by you-know-who and he's doing his hardest to ignore it and totally play it off. Not that it matters. Like anyone is going to press charges against Dickhead-of-the-Sea. Try suing a guy who uses seashells for currency and see how far that will get you.
10/05/09
10/06/09
10/06/09
10/05/09
BTW, does anyone else see "Iron Man Z" in the paragraph, due to the italics?
10/05/09
10/05/09
Ah, here's the story. A combo of money and bad behavior, it seems.
[www.ew.com]
10/05/09
He said he would forgive Stark, but only if he got to fly shotgun in the other suit. You know, they like to tie it all together.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
oops, sorry should've refreshed. But you know, I don't think that he needs to look like him though. At least I hope his performance makes up for any uncomfortableness I get out of knowing he's a different guy. His performance did feel kinda wooden to me.
something weird just happened, I tried to reply and it posted my comment into the Mickey Rourke as Whiplash article.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
And those are awesome 80's shades.
10/05/09
10/05/09
08/10/09
Sigh. I hate mid-series casting changes.
08/09/09
/caps lock
08/09/09
08/09/09
I...I mean...it appears to be an enjoyable film.
08/09/09
Couldn't they have at least done a freeze frame, and had a VO say "The Part of Rhodey will now be played by Don Cheadle".
08/09/09
I also heard the theme song for this music was going to change to:
"This is the theme to Iron Man,
The theme to Iron Man.
Tony called me up and asked if I would right his theme song.
I'm almost halfway finished,
How do you like it so far,
How do you like the theme to Iron Man.
This is the theme to Iron Man,
The opening theme to Iron Man.
This is the music that you hear as you watch the credits.
We're almost to the part, of where Tony starts to drink.
Then we'll watch Tony vs War Machine."
08/09/09
08/10/09
08/09/09
08/09/09
08/09/09